


was a willow (and it bent right to your wind)

by letusbebrave



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Single Mom AU, Smut, dani is still the au pair, jamie adopted mikey, no ghosts, only the kind we carry with us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28040796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusbebrave/pseuds/letusbebrave
Summary: Everything comes back to life at Bly when the new au pair arrives. Spring arises to meet her, her garden growing mad for that first week.Saturday is when Dani is properly brought into her life.aka a singlemom!au
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 200
Kudos: 423





	1. like the water (when your ship rolled in)

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't get it out of my head that if jamie was older when her and her siblings got split up, that she'd check on mikey and then oops, my hand slipped and wrote this. no ghosts, dani is just coming to au pair for the kids, everything else is the same.

Something about the blonde catches her attention as soon as she enters the pub. Jamie’s hanging out towards the back, in conversation with one of the other mom’s from Mikey’s school. They’ve had some sort of flirtation happening for most of the school year. Jamie could bring herself to care that she’s married, but this is just fun. 

A thing to pass the nights. Nothing will come from the flirtation because she’s no homewrecker. No, she’ll never be that. 

Flirty was fun. She needs fun in her life when everything else requires her full attention and commitment. Nothing would come from this and she doesn’t have to worry about putting herself out there. 

The blonde is new, she’s never seen her before. Most of everyone in Bly knows everyone else. It’s not big of a town, the next city over is almost 30 minutes drive away. 

Jamie doesn’t usually peak an interest in anyone else entering the pub, but this one is different. Her eyes seem not her own as she watches the woman go to the bar and order a drink. Her current companion is already 2 drinks in and already glossy eyed staring into the wall behind her. Knows she’ll call her husband in a few more minutes to pick her up. Knows that this night is ending for her conversation. 

She’s watching the blonde intently as she stops at the bar. Jamie can’t get the feeling out of her head that she should know who this person is. It’s on the tip of her tongue why she should connect the dots on this stranger. 

The mum across from her leaves to go use the payphone and Jamie makes her move. 

She just wants to flirt with someone new, shoot her. Nothing will come from it either. Her responsibility is just above her and keeps her from going further. She won’t bring something into his life. Blonde hair is pushed back into a ponytail that gives Jamie the most beautiful view of this woman’s shoulders. Shoulders that begged to be seen and kissed. 

“You new, hmm?” she poises it as a question, but she already knows the answer. The woman in front of her seems a little shocked by her entrance, but the blush on her face tells a different story. Jamie had noticed her staring back to the end of the bar. 

“Yeah, I-- just got here last night.” 

Jamie hums her understanding, pulling out the stool next to her. “Ah, even an American. You here for holiday?”

Americans coming for holidays was something the town saw ever so often. Bly was old-- old building and roads. Places people came to visit, not to live. 

“I got--I have a job here, actually.”

“Not too many places hiring up here.”

“I was in London, but saw an ad in the paper.”

“And you just, what? Decided to up and move from America for a place like Bly?”

“Well, it’s quite beautiful here.”

That’s true. Jamie remembers having the same feeling when she first got to the town. It was infinitely better than London and where she grew up outside a coal mine. 

“Lucky us, not everyday you get an American living in Bly.”

She isn’t sure what is so captivating about the blonde and why she’s so drawn in. This was just supposed to be fun, she reminds herself as she pulls her drink to her lips and takes a sip. 

“Jamie,” the bartender, Grace, calls out her name and startles her. Her attention shifts quickly from the blonde towards her friend. “He called down.”

Ah, there goes the night. 

“Gotta get going, love,” she draws out, reaching over the back of her seat to grab her jacket. “Find me again.”

She doesn’t take another glance back once she’s out the back of the pub. Even though a pull begs her to do so, she won’t look back. 

The journey up to their flat is quick and she’s back in her home before a minute has even passed. “Kid?” she says out into the darkness. 

“Mum!” The exclamation is not unlike Mikey. The kid has been having a few nightmares on and off since they got to Bly. Grace was kind enough to let him call down if there was any problem when she wasn’t there. The pub was the only place she really got to go other than work because of it. Having a kid in her twenties was something she still was trying to balance. “Mum!” he calls again and she moves, kicks off her boots before heading to his bedroom. 

* * *

Dirt cakes its way under her nails as she pulls at the ground, trying to get the soil loose enough for her to plant some plants that have been rehabbing in her greenhouse for the first few weeks of spring. It’s early May and Jamie already feels the heat starting to accumulate in the afternoons when she’s out in the sun. 

Everything comes back to life at Bly when the new au pair arrives. Spring arises to meet her, her garden growing mad for that first week.

Saturday is when Dani is properly brought into her life. 

“Jamie! You must come meet Miss Clayton” Flora calls from the other end of the driveway. The blonde from yesterday at the pub greets her across the driveway. She looks even more beautiful in the sunlight. Jamie knew she had some information missing last night. Should have pieced together the newcomer to Bly was for the manor. 

Ah, so this is the new job the blonde was coming for. A job where she takes care of the kids on the same property that Jamie works. The kids are all jitters of excitement over the newcomer. It’s been a long year since Rebecca up and-- no, she shook the thought out of her head. If she got thinking about that fucker, her whole day would be ruined. Flora’s the most excited Jamie can tell from the way she’s light on her feet, prancing from spot to spot. Miles is a bit more reserved, but still a big grin on his face. Hannah is standing on the path as well and offers her a kind smile as she makes her way across the driveway. The new au pair seems more nervous to say hello than she feels. They’ve technically met before, just not like this. Not here when they both had names. Mikey’s running up the path from the backyard when he finally runs into the kids and the new au pair.

Jamie takes the time and puts out her hand as an offering. “Jamie.”

The au pair grabs her hand in a strong handshake. “I’m Dani.”

“I thought-- Henry said there were two children?” the au pair turns and asks Hannah who quickly shakes her head with an “Oh, no.”

Mikey looks to her as if she can give a reasonable explanation but Jamie finds her eyes going back and forth from the au pair to the driveway. There’s just _something_ about the au pair that makes her feel something she hasn’t felt before. 

“I’m Mikey!” he exclaims happily. Jamie can’t help but reach over and ruffle his curls. 

“Don’t worry about this gremlin, he’ll stay out of your hair.”

“He’s only here in the afternoons and weekends,” Hannah explains with a smile. Half the time, Jamie thinks Hannah is keeping her around because Mikey has woven his way into her heart just like the other two. “He’ll call you Miss Clayton too, isn’t that right?” Hannah asks him. Mikey just nods his approval. Jamie bloody doesn’t know where he’s got these manners from, considering her. 

“If he gives you any trouble, I’ll sort him out. Send him to the greenhouse if you lot are busy with something.” 

Dani looks at her confused. “Oh, I doubt we’ll have any trouble.” 

“ _Mum_ ,” Mikey says exasperated, like she’s embarrassed him. 

Dani looks at her even more confused this time, like she’s putting together the pieces of the puzzle that have been missing. “Don’t mum, me,” Jamie says back. “You’ll make yourself scarce when she tells you to, right?” 

“Honestly, it’s no bother for him to hang around.” 

Jamie has more quips she could throw in, but Mikey is staring up at her and she can’t. 

“It’ll be perfectly splendid to have you all around,” Flora adds in. They’re thick as thieves those two. She grabs at Mikey’s hand, pulling him closer. They’re too fucking cute for their own good. The two of them have become closer over the past year, even though he’s closer to Miles’ age than Flora’s. 

How in the fucking world had he turned 9? Jamie wonders as she keeps her eyes locked on him. 

5 years have passed since she first got him back. And soon he’s going to be a teenager. She’ll have a cry about it later. 

“Miss Clayton! You _have_ to see the gardens,” Flora’s still talking.

“After she’s settled in, Flora,” Hannah chimes in. “Let the poor American rest.” 

The kids begin to talk and pull the au pair towards the door. 

Hannah’s still behind and Jamie asks, “American, hmm?”

Hannah pushes at her shoulder. “Dani, it is.” 

“Ahh, I rather like calling her the American.” 

“You’ll call her Miss Clayton then?” Hannah teases. 

“Bugger off,” Jamie snorts out before she turns and goes back to her gardens. 

The American, the au pair, the lady at the bar… _Dani_. Jamie rather likes that name. 

* * *

The grounds are always busiest during the first few weeks of spring. Sometimes she wonders why she got into taking care of a grounds this big. When she had first learned how to garden, she always imagined doing something like a florist, working with bouquets and floral arrangements. But this job had been too good to pass up. Get them away from the towns with more questions about where they come from. The Wingraves had been good, honest people who hadn’t minded where she had come from or that she had a kid following her around. They were more than happy to have Mikey around, playing with Flora and Miles. The perfect age match, Charlotte had said when she learned about him. Just a year younger than Miles and a year older than Flora. They made quite a matching set, she had told Jamie the first time they had all plaid together. Mikey’s hair was darker and the curls stood out, but it was easy for him to fit into the family the Wingraves gave them. Hannah had been the same. She was there when Jamie first gotten to the manor. Opened up her arms and welcomed them both in. Jamie likes to think that Hannah would have done the same if it was just her. 

Owen and Mikey got along well. He thought Owen’s puns were the absolute best thing in the world. He’d parrot them back to her or attempt to make some up to get Owen to laugh and tell him he was the funniest kid he knew. The praise gave Mikey more confident and Jamie appreciated it. Wasn’t like there was a lot of other male role models in his life. 

God knows she’d never give him one as a father figure. 

The au pair is Mikey’s new obsession on the grounds. She knows he has some sort of crush on her. Jamie remembers being young and having these children like crushes on some of her teachers. Ones that were only laced with care and want for affection, nothing more than that. 

She’d like Dani not to be at the front of her mind, but she keeps appearing. Anywhere she looks she sees the au pair and the kids. 

It shouldn’t surprise her that Dani rushes out of the door right when she’s about to go inside. 

“You alright?” she asks when the au pair makes her way behind one of the bushes.

She can hear her crying and wants to stop it. Inside, she knows that this is bigger than the kids or anything that has happened inside. 

“Kids run you ragged.” Luckily Mikey’s at school and she doesn’t need to worry about him causing the tears. Or being involved in anyway. “Swear, it’s harder to be around them some days than others. That’s why I prefer plants. Easy to get along with, and I don’t have to go home with them at the end of the day.”

Dani snorts out a laugh and Jamie smiles. “Least you get to leave them. Poor Mikey’s stuck with me all the time. 

“I cry, 3 maybe 4 times a day round here. 5 if I’m being honest with myself. How else do you think I keep all these fucking plants watered? My endless supply of deep, inconsolable tears. It’s what got me the job in the first place.”

Another laugh comes out of Dani and Jamie smiles. Laughs always made things better. She did the same with Mikey when he was upset. After a few jokes, he would crack up and everything seemed lighter. “There we go.”

Dani looks over her shoulder and at least she's not crying anymore. “You’re doing great.” 

Dani is. It’s all Mikey can talk about last night. About how wonderful Miss Clayton is and how absolutely smart she was. All kinds of praise came out of his mouth. Praise that she didn’t get. It shouldn’t have made her jealous, but it did just a ping. 

“You’re doing great,” she repeats, wanting to get the message through her head. “Mikey raved about you all night.” 

“Thank you,” Dani replies quietly and she smiles. 

“Anytime. Chin up, Poppins.”

The nickname comes easily out of her mouth. Poppins seems like the perfect name for the au pair that had floated into their lives. Might as well be practically perfect in any way. 

* * *

“She did ask about you, dear,” Hannah says as they sit and drink their afternoon tea. Mikey’s off somewhere playing with the other children. Dani has been animated about him spending as much time as he pleases with them all when he’s here. Rebecca had said the same until the end. Mikey knew he wasn’t allowed to hang around Peter, so he spent more and more time apart from the kids. Another thing she could blame Peter for. She wasn’t in charge of Flora and Miles, couldn’t make that decision for them. But for Mikey? It’d be a cold day in hell when she let that lech of a man near her kid. 

Dani offering to keep his company was good for now. She didn’t want to know what may happen if something of the same happens. Mikey only has a few good adults in his life, Jamie wouldn’t chance those. Rebecca had been a mistake to let her so close to him. Just to up and vanish like that.. What a pity it had been that Peter had trapped them together. As much as she hopes Peter is rotting in the ground somewhere, she still holds out hope that Rebecca will get her mind straight and leave before she can’t. 

“Really?” she asks before she can get her bearings. “I mean, the au pair?” 

Hannah rolls her eyes. “You aren’t so subtle, I’ll have you know.”

That woman always knew more than she should. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Well, anyways, she asked about Mikey and if there was a father…”

Jamie huffs out, resisting the urge to cross her arms. “Mikey’s my kid, shouldn’t matter anything else.”

“She didn’t mean it like that, love. She’s just curious that one. I told her that it’d be best if she asked you about it.”

Jamie resists the temptation to roll her eyes at the comment. Because it’s a reasonable question, she’s been asked it by all of Mikey’s teachers over the years and any time he’s enrolled in another activity. Activities that he’s never taken a liking to. Football was a hit or miss with him. One summer he wanted to be completely involved, the next he wanted none of it at all. “Tell her like I tell all of them. Can’t bring myself to share him with anyone else.”

* * *

“Oi, stop that right now.”

The kids turn and look at her right away. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Flora’s the first one to speak up, “we’re trying to find flowers for Miss Clayton.”

“What did I say about cutting flowers?”

“Don’t do it,” the parrot back to her. They know the rules. Flowers aren’t ready to be cut until she says so. 

The last person that had messed around in her garden was Peter fucking Quint and her rose bushes hadn’t recovered that year. She’d not have the kids cutting her plants and doing that again. 

“Can you help us, then?” Miles asks. 

She shakes her head, knowing it’s better to help them out than let them mess around more in her garden. “Come up to the greenhouse, you gremlins.”

“We’re not gremlins!”

Some flowers in the greenhouse are ready to be cut, easy to give up for a bouquet for Poppins. Part of Jamie wishes it was _her_ giving Dani the flowers, but she quickly gets that thought out of her mind. The kids help pick out the flowers they want. The bouquet looks very much like something Flora would like, the boy’s opinions aren’t as vocal as she is. Flora always knows what she wants. It’s something she loves about the girl. 

She hands the finished product off in a vase to Flora. “Best be careful with it,” she warns and Flora takes the job very seriously as they exit the greenhouse. 

“Oh, you must come with us!” She pleads, turning so she’s facing Jamie. “She’ll be so happy to see you.” 

“I dunno, you have yourselves figured out enough.”

“Please, Mum,” Mikey exclaims, tugging at her hand. “Just so she sees we didn’t mess in the garden ourselves.”

Smart kid she had there, so she relented and let herself be pulled along to the house. Dani was in the kitchen with Owen when they entered the house. Flora very excitedly hands her the flowers all encompassed in the vase. Jamie knew she had gone a little more than necessary with the arrangement. But it wasn’t everyday she got to play around with the combinations of her flowers. Plus, she couldn’t have the au pair thinking she didn’t know what she was doing. It definitely has nothing to do with the twing in her heart when she thinks about her. 

“They are beautiful,” Dani coos taking the vase. “Did you do this all yourself?” she asks, but her eyes have found Jamie’s gaze. She’s smiling broadly and Jamie wants to lean into the happiness she’s ejecting. Instead, she keeps to the edge of the kitchen, leaning against a way. 

“Jamie helped us,” Miles answers for the group. “She cut them all and made it so.”

“Well, thank you all,” Dani says once she’s put the vase down on the kitchen island. She bends over to get to the kids’ level. A habit Jamie has noticed about her. It’s something she’s seen the better of Mikey’s teachers doing. Speaking to the kid in front of them at their level. Perhaps, something she should attempt to do more with Mikey. But she already spoke to him like he was an equal, because he was. Never would have him thinking that he was less of someone than she was. He knew. While the kids are distracted, Dani stands and mouths a thank you to her from across the room. Jamie tries to fight off a blush that is making itself known on her hot skin. 

Jamie sends a wink across the kitchen for her before going back to work. 

* * *

After the first weekend with Dani, Mikey couldn’t stop speaking about her and complaining about school on Monday morning. “But Flora and Miles don’t have to go,” he tries as an excuse as Jamie finishes putting him to bed. 

“Flora and Miles are different, love,” she attempts to explain again. It was just the way the world works. Flora and Miles have Dani to teach them. Jamie couldn’t afford that. “Besides, you like school.”

It was true at least. School was something Mikey seemed to enjoy doing. A whiz, her kid was. Teachers always raved about his abilities. Awfully proud she was of him. 

“But they have so much more fun,” he complains as she tucks him into bed. 

“You’ll be back in the afternoons.”

The time at school had gotten more difficult for him to reason while Miles was back. When Miles was off at boarding school, Mikey had time spent at school and other activities. He spent more time that fall and winter hanging around the manor with Flora. During the time they had grown closer. Just the two of them against the world. Jamie had let Mikey spend more and more time with her at work, knowing that Flora needed the company as much as Mikey did. 

Mikey’s bus had even started dropping him off at the edge of the estate instead of by the pub. He would run through the fields until he would often meet Flora at the tree where she had put the swing. 

“Will you drive me to school?” he asks softly as she moves a curl from near his eye. 

Jamie nods. That’s something she can do. She’ll be to work a little later than usual, but nobody there minds. Henry would never even notice if she just up and stopped working. “Night, Mikey,” she says as she flickers off the light. The nightlight shines bright enough in the room for her to see him snuggle into the blankets. 

“Night, Mum.”

She’s still getting used to being called mum. It was only a few months ago that he had asked to call her that. The night had been like any other night. Nothing prepared her for the conversation that would change everything. 

“Jamie?” He asked one night when he’s tucked into bed. The day had been long and he had spent too much time alone without anyone to play with. The school bus had dropped him off later than usual, so Flora was already eating by the time he got to the manor. So he had stuck around with her for the entire evening. “Can’t I call you mum?” 

It would be a lie if she said she hadn’t thought about this moment. She corrected him often when he was young and he quickly caught on to calling her Jamie. 

Jamie was easy. 

Being his big sister seems so different than what she really is. Big sisters don’t have to make lunches, bandage knees and elbows and tuck him into bed. Big sisters didn’t have to decide where to send him to school and worry about if he’s getting bullied like she had. 

“Do you want to?” 

“The kids at school said that I don’t even have a mum. But that’s not true, I have you.”

“Not if other kids want it, love,” she remembers brushing away stray hair from his forehead. Going to bed with wet hair meant the curls go crazy in the morning, but she would try to make it as neat as possible before he went off to school in the morning. “But if you want to, then you can.”

She pressed a kiss to his head after a moment of silence. She doesn’t mind being Jamie forever. But a part of her, deep down, wants to be mum. Because that’s what she is, isn’t she? “Night, kid.”

“Night, mum.”

Her heart was never quite the same.


	2. lost in your current (like a priceless wine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He adores you.” The comment catches her off guard, but Dani just stares at her. “I’ve met a lot of kids with parents they love, but he adores you.”
> 
> “He’s not mine, you know,” she doesn’t know why she’s saying this to Dani. Something she really hasn’t disclosed to anyone else.

Jamie finds herself near Dani more and more as the days stretch on. She takes lunch with the rest of them and it’s Dani who she stays behind to talk with. There’s something about the au pair that draws her in and makes her want to know more and more. 

Mikey’s off at school and it gives Jamie more time to get to know her without her kid parroting everything she says back to Dani. As much as she loves that kid, he’s a bit of a blabbermouth when it comes to things. Something him and Flora have in common much to her and Hannah’s dismay. 

She learns more and more about Dani through those conversations. Ones that seem to go by so fast, even though it’s almost an hour. She’s found that she wants to know all of the miniscule things about Dani. How she likes her tea way too sweet, how she will indulge in cookies if Jamie pulls them down from the cupboard, how she looks at Jamie when she says something.

“I had, well I hadn’t gone anywhere else,” Dani explains as they sat at the table in the kitchen. Owen is cleaning up after lunch and Hannah is helping him clean. The conversation starts easy enough with just getting to know more about where Dani has come from. Not that Jamie knows where the fuck Iowa is in the US. Jamie’s told her that she’s from up north and she’s pretty sure Dani has no idea where that is either. They’ve both ended up in Bly in the end. What a coincidence. “I grew up there, went to the college near there and then worked there.”

“Dreadfully boring, then?” Jamie teases. Jamie knew some people stayed in Bly forever, Owen has droned on and on about it during their late night chats. Bly’s a gravity hole and pulls people in. Jamie thinks back to her life and if she would have stayed where she lived as a kid if she hadn’t been in foster care. She doesn’t think so. Even if her life had turned out well, she still believes she would have left. There was nothing in that godforsaken place for her. Or for Mikey. And that was the most important thing. If she thought Mikey would have thrived there, maybe she would have gone back. 

“Just my life. Strange as it sounds, I was ready to leave that place even before I worked there.” Dani’s gaze is off in the distance past her head. Jamie leans forward in her seat, wanting to know the answers. How did the au pair end up in Bly? 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Well, my fiancé worked there as well.”

“Ah, a fiancé then. Lucky bloke,” Jamie doesn’t know why the words make her throat stick in her chest. She doesn’t want to think about how much she likes Dani and how the news of a fiancé has quickly dashed that small semblance of possibility. Not that it could have happened anyway, she reasons as she throws out a wink towards Dani before she stands up. Her hands ring against each other after she grabs her gloves. “See you later, Poppins.”

Why has the news of a fiancé hurt so deeply? All their conversations thus far hadn’t included a  _fiancé_. Something that changed everything. 

She throws herself in the work for the rest of the day. Takes her time out of the greenhouse and pulls weeds, getting the small frustration out. 

Nothing could have happened, anyways, she reasons in her head as she pulls at the earth. She doesn’t have time to date or anything of the sort. She has Mikey. Mikey who is growing up way too quickly. Her entire focus has to be on him, especially knowing that bringing someone like  _ that _ into his life meant more than a casual like. It has to mean something serious. 

She has already seen the hurt that happened when Rebecca had up and vanished. Mikey was absolutely enamored with her. Everyday after school, he’d plead for Jamie to let them stay for dinner and more. Pleas that didn’t fall on deaf ears. They spent more and more nights at the manor until the darkness was enough for them to head home for the night. As much as it hurt the adults when Rebecca left, the kids had been devastated. Didn’t understand what they had did wrong. Fucking Peter Quint had up and destroyed someone they all had let in. All Jamie could do was hope that Rebecca had finally figured out who Peter really was and had some semblance of remorse for stealing and bolting. 

So, no, long story short, Jamie wouldn’t allow herself to bring someone into their lives that could hurt Mikey like that. Even if it meant they didn’t stay over every night. Even if it meant her feelings had to be pushed into the soil. Sweat leaked on her face and she wiped it away with her wrist, mind still focused on the ground beneath her. 

Nothing could happen. 

Nothing could happen and she needs to just accept that. Maybe then things would be easier. 

* * *

The rain is pouring down by the time she’s done. Rain isn’t unusual for this time of the year, not at all, but this downpour is rougher than it’s been this spring. Thunder and lightning roars outside and Jamie doesn’t know how her truck will fare in the wet roads this late at night. 

She’d usually up and pack up after work, but Mikey had begged to get hot chocolate with the kids after they finished with their school work. When she wasn’t a parent, she adored storms. Still did. Storms were so powerful, enough to make the earth quake beneath them. Growing up, it felt like a constant in her life. Something she looked forward to, because when it was storming, nobody paid her any mind. 

Thunder brought smiles because it was like someone was listening to her. Even when she’d scream into the darkness, thunder would answer her back. Any tears that happen would be swept away while she stood outside, getting herself drenched in the rain. Knowing there wasn’t anything stronger than the storm to hurt her. Everything felt so small and silly under the pressure. Some nights like this, she would drive out into the country and just watch in her car. Letting the thuds on her roof drift off into a zone of calm around her. Away from the pressures of living on her own. Then came Mikey. And having a kid meant storms like this meant something different. Something scary like a monster under a bed. 

Jamie didn’t remember that it was supposed to have this bad of a storm when she said yes. Said yes, because she wanted to stick around with Dani for that much longer. Even knowing nothing could come from it, Jamie found herself wanting to spend her free time with her. The news of a fiancé only helps the cause because now it was forbidden. Her desire had another layer blocking it. (Except she notices how Dani’s gaze lingers on her, how she watches when she thinks Jamie isn’t looking.)

Everyone is gathered around the kitchen. Hot chocolate with a little extra is welcome from Owen’s hands. The cold that has seeped into her bones starts to thaw as she drinks. The kids are chattering back and forth and she laughs at the terrible jokes they make a contest of telling. Jokes that are so foolish and childish that it makes them squeal in excitement and giggle like mad. Music to her ears. Dani laughs along as well, her gaze flickering to Jamie ever so often. She takes a long sip after a particularly long stare to cover up any residual of the blush that forms. A blush she can blame on the heat of the drink. She sees Owen send a smile her way like he knows what is happening and that gets her pushing up from her chair.

“We’ve got to get going, kid,” Jamie says as he is still drinking the hot chocolate Owen made for them. 

Thunder breaks the silence, roaring into the house. Mikey’s eyes are wide when he meets her gaze. Storms like this always end up with the two of them in bed together. In this storm, they need to get home sooner rather than later. She’s already pushed the limits making sure all the gutters were working properly and items secured outside. 

“You could-- you could always stay,” Dani offers after another bout of thunder has rattled the kids. She looks so genuine and wanting that Jamie finds herself nodding. It’s the safer option. No need to be stranded if a road had flooded. Mikey’s smile widens at the nod. 

“Yes!” Flora cries out happily. “A sleepover for all of us! We can stay up all night long and it will be perfectly splendid!”

* * *

The three are asleep near the fireplace, having fallen asleep after only an hour of chatter. Being a kid it was always so easy to fall asleep, even when you wanted to stay up. Flora had been convinced that she’d stay up all night long, but that went away quickly once tiredness fought behind her eyes. Mikey and Miles weren’t far behind. They had still been talking a bit after Flora had fallen asleep. The fireplace was more alluring to be asleep next to than awake. Soon enough both boys were asleep as well, Mikey was laid against her lap, she runs her fingers through his curls. The quiet was nice and cozy. Dani had grabbed a blanket and sat next to her awake, staring at the fire. The thunder roared on outside, not letting up. 

A storm like this wasn’t one to mess with. Staying at the manor was the best option in the end. Her pickup was old and being around the other kids would allow Mikey to sleep more soundly than at home. She knew he’d end up in her bed on nights like this. She never minded, a cuddle with her kid was always something she treasures. Especially as he kept growing up and she knew soon enough he wouldn’t need that level of comfort. Owen had gone home for the night, braver than her, and Hannah had left them alone with the kids. With the kids asleep, it left them in this quiet lull. Comfort that only came naturally to the two of them. “Last time I spent the night was when Rebecca was around.”

“And she just left, right?” Dani finally asks. She knows they all tiptoe around the subject of Rebecca. Especially in front of the kids, kids that had their hearts broken when she had up and vanished. 

“There’s this bloke, Peter fucking Quint. Both of them took the money and ran.”

“Like Bonnie and Clyde.”

Jamie huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, except he’ll fuck her over in the end. Seen men like him before. Know that lot’s intentions. He wormed himself into her. Soon enough after he came, they’re always together, now I know, always plotting. Rebecca deserved better. Peter can rot in hell for all I care. That was the wrong kind of love, those two. Believe me.”

“We’ve all been in the wrong kind of love for one reason or another.”

“No wonder why so many people mix up love and possession.” The sentiment is said with a grimace. She’s been in the wrong kind of love before. Before Mikey when she had been in London the first time. Before her time away. There had been a girl that Jamie thought she was in love with. Thought this all encompassing, heated  _ thing _ was romance. Looking back now, she knew it wasn’t. Love didn’t make you hurt people. Love meant not throwing the other one under the bus for something you did. 

“People do, mix up love and possession? I don’t think that should be possible. They’re opposite really, love and ownership.”

The world seems to stop spinning as Dani talks. Because she’s right and it makes Jamie scrunch her eyebrows together. Because there’s been something between them already, and  _ this _ is making it so much harder for her to think it's just platonic. Because Dani looks so open and thoughtful that she wants to lean over and brush away some hairs that have ended up in her face. Wants to break with her resolution of no relationships because she’s  _ Dani _ . And that makes all the difference.

“You know about love, though. With him?” Dani motions to Mikey who’s soft breaths are quiet against the rain pouring down around them. Jamie nods, trying to get the thoughts out of her head. Instead she looks down and sees the one person in the world that she willingly gave her heart. “He adores you.” The comment catches her off guard, but Dani just stares at her. “I’ve met a lot of kids with parents they love, but he  _ adores _ you.”

“He’s not mine, you know,” she doesn’t know why she’s saying this to Dani. Something she really hasn’t disclosed to anyone else. 

“Hmm?” Dani asks in a very subdued way, laying the way for Jamie to take up the conversation only if she wants to. 

“I don’t-- I don’t mean it like  _ that _ ,” Jamie clarifies. Mikey may not be her kid, but he is. It’s all too confusing to try and explain after almost a bottle of wine that she’s drank. “He’s actually my little brother.” 

Dani turns on the couch to look at her and Jamie feels a blush arising on her chest from the attention alone. Something about Dani draws her closer, makes her feel seen. She doesn’t push, allowing Jamie time to get her thoughts together. To think, how much can she tell Dani while still trying to keep them firmly on the line of friends and not something more. The need for separation seems very silly when she’s drunk. It could be easy to blur those lines on a night like tonight. 

“Mum bolted when I was 16, came home to find him screaming his little head off. Didn’t know what to do, only had an older brother before him.”

Dani’s hand reaches for Jamie’s free hand and Jamie allows her hand to be gripped by her. Lets her fingers wrap around Dani’s and give her strength to continue talking. She hasn’t told anyone this specific information. No, not even Hannah knew it all. Owen and Hannah knew that Mikey was her little brother, but never made her feel any way because of it. He was still her kid. Her fingers stay brushing through his hair, needing the contact as she tells the story. Reminds her that he’s hers. And she is his. 

“An accident happened while I was trying to take care of him, social services got involved and we’re split up. Thought I’d never see him again,” she says, her eyes fixated on their joined hands. Hands that are warm and supportive during her story. 

“4 years go by, then I look him up. When I first left the system thought he’d be adopted, no problem.” 

She had. She truly believed that this adorable little baby would be the first in line to get a new home. A new mom and dad that could love and take care of him better than their own parents. “But no, he was in the system still. And I knew. Knew I had to get him out. I was in the system for only 2 years, but just a bunch of stale, perverted men and their wives looking to make a few extra quid looking after the local trash.”

Her gaze flicks up to meet Dani’s eyes. Dani who is still watching her intently, still listening, still  _ caring _ . 

“So, took some maneuvering, had to get a stable enough job in the city. Bloody took almost three months until he was with me. Found ourselves a little flat that they could come inspect, but after a year, I signed the papers and we got the fuck out of London. Nothing there for the two of us. Saw an ad for a job in Bly working on the grounds. 

Good people, Charlotte and Dominic. Good people who took us in and made us a home.” 

By the time she’s finished telling this part of her story, she knows a few tears have left their safe haven in her eyes. With her hand, she quickly wipes them away. She hadn’t meant to cry. Therapy had brought her past the point of tears she had thought. But she couldn’t help it when she had just bared her heart to Dani. 

She didn’t apologize for it. Apologies for something she shared were never needed. Dani could have stopped her at any point if it was too much, but instead she had sat next to her. “But he is, mine I mean. Even if he’s not, he’s mine.”

Dani looks like she’s understood every word Jamie’s said. Dani who is staring at her like she’s done something profound. But she really hadn’t, not really. Family took care of each other. She knew that now. 

* * *

Maybe she can blame the alcohol, but there’s another pull that moves her from the couch downstairs to the bedroom she knows Dani occupies. She’s been in there a few times over the years, helping Rebecca with something or fixing something. But the walk up the massive stairs feels so different this time. Jamie’s walking up the stairs without the fears that have been pushed down her throat. It’s been an hour or so before they moved all the kids to bed. Mikey’s on the floor in Mile’s room. Jamie had sat with him for a few minutes, letting her company help lull him back to sleep. Thunder continued to roar around the house. 

Desire pulls her forward. Desire that she’s not felt in so many years. Desire that has her aching for only one person’s touch. One person’s mouth. Her heart rises in her chest as she keeps walking towards the door. There are so many why nots, but all Jamie can think is  _ why not _ . Because she didn’t get moments like this often. Didn’t get stared at by an au pair that has floated into their lives. Even if she knows nothing can come from it, shouldn’t she be able to indulge herself? Just to know the feel of Dani’s lips against her own. The heat of Dani’s body against her. 

She deserves a few things, she thinks as she reaches the door. And if Dani is willing, then  _ why not _ .

Jamie brings her hand up to knock on the door. She’s not able to even knock before the door is open. Dani’s still in her sweater and pants and Jamie thinks she’s never looked more beautiful. “I-- uh,” Jamie starts before Dani’s hand is wrapped around her arm and is pulling her close. She kisses her and Jamie forgets any of her inhibitions. Any semblance of why not leaves her mind. All she can feel is Dani’s hands against her skin and Dani’s mouth against her own. 

Exhilarating pace makes her heart pound deep inside her chest. Dani’s hands are greedy on her skin, pulling her to get closer. 

For as much as Dani is touching her, Jamie has to do the same. Her hands go under Dani’s sweater to feel the warm skin on her cool hands. 

Dani’s stupidly gorgeous hair that is everywhere while she kisses down from Dani’s mouth to her jaw and her neck. She has to brush back the hair to get better access to the delicate skin that she wants to worship. Dani’s hips buck into her own and the moan she emits should be illegal. 

Moans that make Jamie clench in want, wanting to string out those majestic noises all night long from her. 

“Jamie,” Dani whimpers out and Jamie smiles into Dani’s neck. Smiles into the collarbone where she presses a wet kiss before pulling back up to bring their mouths back together. Dani’s hands feel so right on her skin, hands that have pushed up her shirt, wanting the same contact that she did. 

Hands tug on her shirt and Jamie pulls back from the kiss to pull off her shirt, leaving her in just her bra. Dani’s eyes drop from her gaze to look at her. She thinks back that maybe she should have been self conscious, but she isn’t. Instead, she grabs Dani’s hand and puts it back on her skin. 

Dani’s hand is wrapped in her hair and Jamie moans quietly at the accidental tug she gives it. Kisses press back together, a tongue in her mouth and the world fades away. 

Dani’s hands explore her naked middle, brushes over her stomach until she’s stuck on the fabric of her bra, fingers tugging underneath it. Jamie pulls away enough to pull up on Dani’s sweater, waiting for the little nod to keep going and pull it off. Her eyes roam over Dani’s body, wanting to see more, but Dani’s pulled them back together and she can’t think when Dani’s kissing her like this. Jamie moves them until her legs are pressed against Dani’s bed. 

Dani pushes her a bit with an umph out of her mouth before Dani is  _ straddling _ her. Jamie hasn’t seen anything like this before. Dani’s atop her, sans-shirt looking wonderfully blushed in the moonlight. Even though Dani’s the one that pushed her down, she stalls at this next step. Jamie takes the moment to breathe in deeply, before she stretches her hands out on Dani’s back. “You alright, Poppins?” she asks and watches the little movements on Dani’s face for any indication that this is far enough for the night. But Dani quickly nods, her breaths coming out like pants. Jamie takes the consent and kisses Dani’s collarbone, using her hands to pull her closer. Her fingers reach under Dani’s bra straps, feeling the skin under the bra, something that has Dani arching into her. She thinks of asking for Dani’s permission to undo her bra, but Dani’s hands quickly make the decision for her, pulling behind her to unstrap her own bra. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Jamie mutters out as she keeps a hold on Dani’s back with one hand, leaving the other hand to move. “So fucking pretty.” A small whimper escapes Dani when she palms her breast, feeling the nipple in the middle of her hand. 

Jamie wants to shove her hand down Dani’s pants immediately, but she takes the small steps. The bra off gives her plenty of places to explore and flesh to feel. 

“Jamie,” Dani whimpers out as Jamie’s mouth moves down her chest until she can bring her mouth to the one place she’s most wanted to kiss. She mouths around the nipple, but Dani’s hands quickly bring her back up into a kiss. “Jamie,” she says again, almost a promise. 

“So fucking pretty,” she repeats as she feels Dani’s hands twist at her bra straps. Doing the same as Dani did, she reaches back and unclaps, bringing the bra through one hand at a time. “Better?” 

Dani’s eyes drop down her chest again, but this time the blush on her face is much brighter. 

Jamie takes the moment of shock on Dani’s face and flips them as gently as she can, so she can look down at Dani while she kisses her. Her hand that was supporting Dani’s back is now free to trace from Dani’s rib to her hip. Loves how just her touch brings goosebumps over Dani’s body. Dani arches up against her and Jamie smiles into the kiss. A kiss that turns to two then three and then there’s no other place her lips should be. Her body was created for this very moment with Dani’s hand against her breast and the other wrapped in her hair, kissing her like her very life depended on it. 

Her hand slips underneath Dani’s trousers, feeling the brush of Dani’s pants against her hand. She moves it further down, cupping Dani through the fabric. Fabric that is wet and causes Dani to almost lift her off her completely. “ _ OH!” _ she cries out and Jamie smiles against her cheek.

“Not even the good part yet,” Jamie teases, letting her fingers brush against the damp pants. 

Dani looks absolutely  _ gorgeous _ as she pulls her head back to get a better glimpse of the au pair. Even with just the moonlight beaming in from the window, Dani’s face is perhaps the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. So open and her eyebrows push together as she rocks on Jamie’s hand. 

And like all good things for her, it comes to a startling end. 

“Miss Clayton?” Mikey’s voice rings out and Jamie jumps away from Dani on the bed, landing on the floor with a thud. “Have you seen my mum?” his voice quivers and Jamie shakes her head in anger at herself. Of course, he was scared and couldn’t find her. How fucking stupid had she been?

Jamie takes a deep breath in, not wanting Mikey to hear her  _ breathless _ in Dani’s room. “I’ll be right out,” she calls out, grabbing her bra from the floor, clasping it quickly. “Where’s my fucking shirt,” she grips to herself quietly as she moves around the bedroom to find where she has hurled the shirt. Dani’s still on the bed, having grabbed a pillow to cover herself. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” Jamie tells Dani after she’s slipped her shirt back over her head. “This can’t--we can’t.. I’m sorry.” 

Repeats until she reaches up and fixes her hair as much as she can. Repeats until she finally slips out from the au pair’s room into the arms of her kid who clings to her. 

“Oh, kid, I’m sorry,” she repeats for a completely different reason as she kneels to wrap her arms around him. “I’m here, it’s alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll apologize first, but then say comments give me life and i appreciate every single one and every kudo more than you know <3


	3. rough on the surface (but you cut through like a knife)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wanted to-- to talk about last night,” Dani looks so eager, but Jamie’s wall has grown back up during the time spent apart. She’s been too fucking daft thinking she could have something easy with Dani. Dani who worked where she worked. Dani who had a part in Mikey’s life now. A part that she wouldn’t fuck up. 
> 
> “Just forget it.”

“Mum?” Mikey’s voice is soft, but she hears him all the same. The day after the big storm had wreaked havoc on the manor, so she knew she needed to go back and face her fears. Face what she had done, or rather what she had been doing. She couldn’t hide away in the hole of her apartment forever. “Are you alright?” 

Her kid is sometimes too good to her. She had gone through so much of her life thinking no one cared for her. Thought she’s destined to be alone after being burned one too many times. Then came Mikey. 

A beacon of hope in her life of despair. 

She clung to him as much as he did to her in those first few years. 

“I’m alright,” she lies easily, reaching out her arm to wrap around the boy. 

Mikey looks like he doesn’t believe her, but leans into her embrace anyways. 

“What’d you say to a day off?” she asks and then he forgets all about her lying to him. The place could wait a day, couldn’t it? Hannah would have called if anything major had broken or needed fixing. 

She wasn’t  _ running _ from her problems, no. Just simply taking time away from them. “The beach?” Mikey asks excitedly. She knows the day will end with them eating greasy burgers after ice cream.

Jamie knows that maybe with the beach in the picture, it’ll be easier to tell him she can’t afford to buy him the new shoes for football that he’s been begging her for. She’s already spread thin as it is, Henry not being good on his promise for the past two summers of a raise. Luckily, they get free meals when she’s at work. Owen’s enough of a gem to pack a lunch for her to bring for Mikey for the next day. Something that she appreciates more than he could possibly know. Even though she had been a mum for almost 5 years, she still felt so unprepared for what was coming next. Teenage boys could be vicious, she remembers her own childhood and her own older brother. 

She wants to shake the thought about it out of her head, because this is her Mikey. And there isn’t anything vicious about the boy, not truly. He was a good kid, she had been lucky. And even if it didn’t include new shoes or a fancy tutor, she would do anything to give him the best kind of life. 

A day at the beach sounded absolutely perfect. 

A day with her  _ most _ important person. Nothing beat that. And she would try to forget the only person that had come close in such a long time. The only person who she had thought about becoming an important person. 

* * *

Luckily the manor, in majority, is pretty untouched by the storm. No broken windows to replace and no tress down into the house. Most of her day consisted of clean up. Cleaning up branches that had fallen to the earth and things that had been knocked over. She knew she’d have to go up onto the roof to fix some minor damage, but all things considering, it fared better than she had. Everything would be easy to put back together. 

The thing that  _ wasn’t _ going to go back together, not in the same way, came standing in front of her greenhouse just after lunch. She had skipped, needing the extra time to work and needing time away from having to have this conversation with the au pair. 

It was easier for her to think about her like that. Not  _ Dani.  _ Dani was who she had kissed like her life depended on it. Dani was who she had stripped and  _ touched _ . 

The au pair was easier, more clinical. Something that had to be, no matter if she wanted otherwise. 

“I wanted to-- to talk about last night,” Dani looks so eager, but Jamie’s wall has grown back up during the time spent apart. She’s been too fucking daft thinking she could have something easy with Dani. Dani who worked where she worked. Dani who had a part in Mikey’s life now. A part that she wouldn’t fuck up. 

“Just forget it.”

“ _ Jamie _ .” It takes every ounce of will to keep her locked in the same spot. That keeps her from crossing the distance between the two of them and pulling her into a kiss. 

“Seriously, forget it. We  _ can’t _ .”

Dani looks like she’s just kicked a puppy. 

“You have a fiancé, for fucks sake. Stupid, fucking dense I am.”  _ Homewrecker _ . The one thing that could cut her so deeply, she had run right into that trap. She knew Dani had a fiance, and she did it anyway. She  _ knew _ .  _ Homewrecker _ . It plays loud in her head, remembering running home from school when boys would taunt that and  _ whore _ out at her. Words she hadn’t really understood, but knew the implication behind them.  _ Bad _ . She was bad and that was all that rang true in her head when she was young. Something she actively worked on being better now that she had Mikey. 

“I don’t-- I just, you have to let me explain,” Dani fidgets with her hands, but Jamie’s already made up her mind. She wouldn’t bring Dani more into their lives, not after what happened last time with Rebecca. He had already lost so much. ( _ So had she, she thinks in the depth of her soul. So had she.) _

Jamie kept her eyes down to her work, only flickering up a few times. Seeing her like this hurt in a strange way that she didn’t like thinking about. “I like ya, I do. I just… we can’t. I can’t. Mikey’s, well he’s my number one. And I won’t fuck his relationship with you up. ”

“No, you’re not-- you’re.”

“Honest, Dani, doesn’t matter. We  _ can’t _ .” 

She looks back up and has to look away quickly. Because can’t Dani see? See that all she does is for Mikey. All she does has to be for him. She doesn’t have time to be pulled into something that could turn out badly. Couldn’t let someone more into Mikey’s life with that type of uncertainty. It was easier if she was just the au pair that he played with after school. 

No, this was a rule she had implemented long before Dani. 

“Look,” she finally says with a deep breath in, turning to face Dani. “Friends are easier, don’t you think? Don’t want you not around or anything. Just can’t do anything else.”

Dani takes a moment to glance around her face and Jamie feels a blush rise up because of the attention. “We can-- we can do friends.” It’s said with a small smile, one that looks so dejected that Jamie finds herself wanting to frown at the sight of it. Dani shouldn’t ever look like that. 

“Friends it is, Poppins.”

* * *

The days that follow are a little awkward at first, Jamie finds herself not eating lunch with them for that first week. Instead, she sneaks in after the kids and Dani are off doing some other activity. After a week, it feels easier. She joins them for lunch and her talks with Dani start to happen again. Talks about everything and nothing at the same time for that precious hour after lunch. 

_ Friends _ . 

Friends were safest. Except, she didn’t want to kiss her friends. Except, they couldn’t just be friends, could they? All intruding thoughts were quickly pushed aside during the day. Focusing on working and not on the blonde who appears throughout her day. Blond hair that looks so inviting to run her fingers through again, knowing how much she loved having Dani’s hands in  _ her _ hair. 

She really shouldn’t be thinking of this at all, but she is as she pulls at the ladder more forcefully than she should and it bangs into her. Bangs and falls to the floor dramatically. 

“ _ Fuck!” _ She exclaims loudly as she brings a hand immediately to her forehead. “ _ Fuck _ ,” she repeats with a wince as she pulls her overshirt over her head to press against her forehead. Something she knew she needed because it’s like someone has poured water on her head, feeling blood rush down her brow and cheek. 

Everything is a little fuzzy as she makes her way into the house. Hannah would know where she could wrap herself up. 

“Is that blood?” The panic in Dani’s voice cuts through her heart. “What happened? Are you alright?”

The questions all lump together and Jamie can just nod, her head aching with the movement. Dani has moved towards her, fluttering around her by the time Jamie pulls away the overshirt she had pulled off to press against the wound. Yep, still bleeding, she thinks as she puts pressure back onto it. 

“You should see the other guy. Broke the ladder.”

“Lemme look,” Dani asks, her hands grabbing at the shirt so that Jamie can let go. “Oh, it’s pretty deep. Maybe we should go to-”

“No hospitals or doctors,” Jamie quickly argues back. She has no need to go wait in emergency to get something she doesn’t need. The few times she’s been in the hospital haven’t been the best experiences, plus she has more stuff to do today. And if she’s gone to emergency, who will look after Mikey? 

“Alright, let me clean it then, at least.”

Jamie nods and allows her hand to be pulled towards the kitchen. A hand that is heavy in her own, making her feel her heartbeat against Dani’s hand. Owen’s not in the kitchen and Jamie pulls out a chair to sit as Dani moves to reach up in one of the cabinets. She can only truly see Dani out of one eye as she keeps pressure against the gash. Watches as she goes to grab everything she needs, knowing exactly what to grab. To be honest, Jamie’s knowledge of injuries is pretty limited. Mikey was a pretty careful kid, but she knew how to deal with banged up knees and hands. All injuries he got in football. 

“How do you know about this?” Jamie asks as Dani pushes against the wound and makes her squint in pain. 

“I was a lifeguard for a few summers. Mostly just cleaning up wounds and yelling at kids not to run around the pool.”

“Here I was thinking I was your first patient.” 

“First in England if that means anything,” Dani adds with a smile on her face. A smile that has Jamie aching to press their lips together in a kiss. She wants to shake that thought out from her head, but the movement would hurt. “Plus as a teacher, I’ve seen my fair share of scrapes and bruises. Normally the kids are a little bit easier to manage,” she teases as she pulls Jamie’s head forwards as she wipes at it with something that stings like a motherfucker. 

“Oi! You’re the one who said I may have to go to the emergency.” Jamie knows that pouting won’t help her case, but it makes Dani smile again and Jamie wants that to keep happening. It’s so much better than that other smile she had seen a few weeks back. “Think it’ll scar?” she asks as Dani lets go of her head and picks up a bandage. “Reckon, I’ll look pretty good with a scar.”

Dani rolls her eyes, but laughs and it’s the sweetest sound Jamie’s heard.

* * *

“Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck,” she curses aloud, spiking her gloves on the ground. 

How the fuck was she going to afford to pay the tutor for the summer? The little prat had almost doubled his charge after her last payment to him. She could eat less, she reasons as she paces back and forth. Maybe she could call Henry and ask for the raise she’s been promised for an entire year and the back money he owes her. No fucking good that would do, she reckons. Henry barely answers the phone as it is, much less to be bothered about a raise that she’s earned.

They already spent too much time on the property as is. Not that anyone’s ever minded, but Jamie knows that she relies heavily on the job. When it was Dominic and Charlotte, it never felt like a burden. They opened their hearts and homes to the two of them. She barely talked to Henry and then it was only speaking to his secretary about the money he owes her.

She has a fucking kid, she can’t be waiting around for Henry to remember to pay her. 

“Jamie?” Dani asks and Jamie turns to wipe off any residual tears that have fallen in frustration. Didn’t need Dani seeing her cry. Didn’t need  _ anyone _ seeing her cry. At least it wasn’t Mikey. Things like this, he didn’t need to know about. No need for him to have the stress that she could burden alone. 

“Poppins.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, no. The tutor is raising his prices over the summer term and it’s too much quid for me.” 

She doesn’t know why she admitted it to Dani, but the words had just fallen out of her mouth. “I’ll figure out something else,” Jamie reasons, letting her guard back up. 

“He can always join us,” Dani offers and Jamie stops pacing to stare up at her. 

“What?”

“He’s welcome to join with the kids during the day. Any day really.”

“Dani,” Jamie tenses, tearing her gaze away from her. She didn’t want sympathy or pity. 

“No. I mean it, it’ll be no bother for him to sit with. Actually, it seems like the other two learn better when he’s around.” 

“You sure?” Jamie asks, letting her hopes up just a tiny bit. Because even if she’s been making sure Mikey stays out of Dani’s hair, here she is offering to let him in. Another way that Jamie will be linked to Dani. Something that is a little scary, because it’s letting Mikey get close to an au pair again. (Jamie knows she shouldn’t compare Dani to Rebecca. Dani wasn’t going to leave like she had. Would she?)

* * *

“Stay at the table,” Jamie says as the other kids scatter away into the house. She hasn’t gotten to tell Mikey the good news that he could spend time here over summer break after summer session was over. Hadn’t told him that Dani would be his tutor for that time. 

“ _ Mum _ ,” he whines, already looking over his shoulder to see where they have run off to. 

“I know we made a deal earlier, all the vegetables,” she points with her fork towards his almost untouched plate. They had agreed that he’d eat healthier on the days they stayed over. She still had to make ends meet at home and sometimes that meant they weren’t the healthiest meals. But here, Owen made sure to feed them well. 

“Please _ ,  _ Flora and Miles got to leave!” He complains and Jamie knows that this is becoming a fight. He’s already restless because she can’t afford him new shoes for football and losing his tutor. Things that have boiled to the surface.

Jamie just shakes her head, eating a bite of her own vegetable as if to show him she means it. 

“Promise it’s the good stuff tonight,” Owen adds in with a smile, but Mikey is now frantically turning his head back and forth from the table to the hallway. Looking back, perhaps Jamie could have seen the signs before it happened. Should have known that these moments might bring out things from  _ before _ . Before she had gotten him home and raised him in a home that loved him. Things like abandonment and missing out which could easily boil over. 

“It’s not  _ fair _ !” he shouts and Jamie jumps back slightly. This didn’t happen often, but it still did, less now that he was older. For the first few years, it was a lot to handle. Jamie was still really just a kid when she brought him home. Still learning how to be an older sister let alone a parent. 

“Jamie, I--” Dani tries to help, but Jamie holds a hand up to her. As much as she’d usually take Dani’s advice or ways to approach things, this wasn’t the night. Mikey couldn’t act like this, she wouldn’t let it happen. 

“Mikey, I know it’s not--”

“But they get to leave! Without finishing their greens!” 

Jamie presses a hand to her temple. “Mikey, you’ll sit here and eat.” 

Mikey’s face is red and patchy, she knows she should say something more, but the words freeze in her brain as she knows everyone is staring at her around the table. Silent fear of judgment raises within herself. What kind of shitty mom was she? 

“You can’t tell me what to do,” he says wildly as he pushes himself up from his seat. 

“I’m your mum, course I can.”

“You’re not even my real  _ mom _ ,” Mikey spits out and Jamie pushes to her feet. 

“Truck, now!” 

Anger and hurt pulses through her veins as she points out to the driveway. “I swear to god, Mikey. Out!”

Mikey storms off with a huff. 

“He doesn’t mean it, love,” Hannah’s voice is soothing, but Jamie flinches away from even the movement of Hannah getting up. No, she can’t. She can’t. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she blurts out knowing she has to get away to calm herself down. “So sorry.” 

With Mikey in the truck, she at least knows he won’t come find her in the greenhouse crying. Crying because even though she knows he doesn’t mean it, it  _ hurts _ . Aches and hurt and embarrassment rush through her body. Tears come even though she wills them to stop. 

Maybe this was why she was so afraid of having him call her mom. This exact moment where the words rush out of his mouth before he can understand the meaning of them. All he knows is the frustration and pent up anger at all the things she couldn’t give him. A selfish part of her wants to cry back that she knows how it feels. She never got things growing up either, but at least he had  _ her _ . She had no one growing up. 

“Jamie,” Dani’s voice rings out through the greenhouse. Jamie wipes the tears quickly off her face, not ready to be embarrassed again this evening. 

Jamie isn’t sure what to say, so she just turns around.

“He’s  _ my _ son.” She’s angrier than she thought she’d be. But this is Mikey and Mikey is  _ hers _ . No matter what anyone else says. No matter if she didn’t give birth to him or watch him learn to walk or talk. 

He is her son. 

Even though she’s not said it like this before. Even if she’s been hesitant to call him son instead of kid. 

Mikey is hers. And she’s Mikey’s. 

No matter what. Even if he had just said she wasn’t his real mum. Even now.  _ Especially  _ now.

“I know he is,” Dani’s voice is gentle as she moves closer to where Jamie is standing, shaking slightly at her outburst. “Of course, he is.”

Jamie takes a deep breathe and presses the palms of her hands to her eyes, blinding herself with the pressure of it all. “I know, well, the psychologist said stuff like this might happen.”

“Yeah?” Dani’s hand reaches out and rubs at her arm, touch that she leans into eagerly. “I’ve seen kids have outbursts like that, just frustration that’s been boiling. Not about you.” 

She nods because if she speaks again, she’s afraid she’ll start to cry. Cry tears of frustration and still hurt. Even if she knew he didn’t truly mean it. “ _ Jamie _ ,” the way Dani says her name has Jamie pull forward and pull her into a hug. A hug that she desperately needs from Dani. Not from anyone, but from Dani. Dani who let her hands spread out against Jamie’s back and held her like she meant it. 

Not a pity hug, but one with feeling. One that meant something. The embrace seems to last forever and no time at all at the same time. She sniffles and pulls back, a ping of blush on her cheeks. “You know, two freak outs in one day gives me a bad rap.” 

Dani shakes her head. “You’ll talk me down next time.”

“Alright, Poppins.”

* * *

The car ride home is in silence. Neither of them spoke other than her reminding him to put on his seatbelt. It’s dark and a bumpy ride back home. With them not talking, the apartment seems even smaller, cramped together into a small space with these big feelings between the two of them. 

“Mikey,” Jamie says once they’ve both gotten inside and shoes off. “Com’here. Look,” she speaks as she takes a knee, trying what she’s seen Dani do before. “I know you’re frustrated, alright? I get it, but you can’t talk to me like that. Honestly, you can’t. So, go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth. I’ll be there to check on you in a few.” 

He barely nods and leaves her grasp. 

She wonders what her mom must have felt like when she would yell things at her that she didn’t truly mean. Things that came from boiled up frustration and anger of having a mum that was never there. She wonders if it hurt as much because for all she wasn’t there, Jamie was. Jamie has been here the whole time, since she learned he was still in foster care. 

She pours herself a glass of wine and leans against the counter, giving him time alone in his room before she’ll go say goodnight to him. Because she’ll always say goodnight to him. Even on nights like this.  _ Especially _ on nights like this. Before she moves, she takes a deep sip of wine and braces herself for anything else that may be said. 

Jamie isn’t prepared to walk into the bedroom only to be met with Mikey flinging himself at her, wrapping his arms around her sides and pressing himself as firmly as he can against her. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” he cries out and Jamie tears up at the apology. One that she didn’t need to forgive him, but one that broke her heart because he sounds desperate. “ _ Please _ , I’m sorry, mum. I didn’t--” he hiccups, angry tears falling from his face as he stares up at her. “I didn’t mean it!” He pleads like she’s going to just toss him out. She can see the fear of abandonment in his eyes as he pleads for her forgiveness. 

“Mikey, look at me,” Jamie says softly, taking her kid’s face in her hands. She wipes away the hot tears from his cheeks. “I’ve got you. No matter what.”

It seems to help soothe him, but he keeps attached to her, not wanting even the slightest of room. She rubs at his back as his sobs subside. “I’m sorry,” he hiccups with the saddest look on his face. A face that mirrored her own. The baby fat was receding on his face, showing a sharp jawline like she had. His green, grey eyes matched her own and the mess of black curls on his head made them quite the pair. No one ever doubted that he was her’s. They were so alike. 

So alike in everything that Jamie just knew what she would need in a situation like this. “Let’s watch a movie in bed, kid,” she smiles down at him. “It’ll all be alright. I’ve got you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all your comments give me so much joy and i love talking to you all, so comments are the best thing <3 poor little mikey is just a demonstration of what happens when kids sometimes experience aversive childhood experiences (ACE's) at a young age. he doesn't mean to be mean to his poor mum.
> 
> next chapter has a lot of pining moments and yes, spoiler alert, another kiss <3


	4. begging for you (to take my hand)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in years, it doesn’t hurt to tell stories about secondary school or good memories from her childhood. Dani takes in all the information with intent and Jamie feels seen more than heard.

It’s no strange at all having Mikey around the manor full time. He spends most of the time during the summer and afternoons here already, but having him with  _ Dani _ most of the time is different. 

She sees him at lunch and when they pack up to leave for the evening after supper. Poor kid has to get up early in the mornings with her and spends the first few hours of her work day laying on the couch asleep while she’s outside. Even though Dani offered to help her out, it still feels weird leaving Mikey with her alone. Like she should be giving Dani something in return to letting her kid hang out with her. 

The first week is the most awkward, but after that, everything seems easier. Having help with Mikey is nice, she hasn’t realized how much she’s missed having a bit of alone time without Mikey consuming her thoughts. She doesn’t have to worry because he’s safe. Safe with Dani, something that Jamie does notice and makes a note of. Lovely Dani who offers to help has helped more than she realized. Weeks turn into a month and there’s a good rhythm in her life again. The talks with Dani after lunch continue to be her favorite time of day. She learns more and more about her and she slowly begins to tell Dani more and more about her life. For the first time in years, it doesn’t hurt to tell stories about secondary school or good memories from her childhood. Dani takes in all the information with intent and Jamie feels seen more than heard. 

“Jamie! You absolutely have to come play with us,” Flora rushes out into the garden where she’s on her knees pulling at stubborn weeds that keep growing back in defiance of her will. 

Mikey and Miles are hot on her heels, both with silly grins on their face. “Please, Mum!” Mikey says. Miles nods and Flora’s already trying to pull her to her feet. “Miss Clayton says we can play hide and seek,” Flora explains as she grunts against the effort of helping Jamie to her feet. 

“What’s in it for me?” Jamie asks with a smirk gracing her face.

“It’s going to be  _ perfectly splendid _ ,” Flora breathes out, her favorite phrase is enough to make Miles only slightly roll his eyes. 

“And Owen says the winner gets to decide  _ dessert, _ ” Mikey chimes in. The time here is good for the kid. His smiles are brighter and seen more often when they’re on the property. When he’s off at school, it’s harder for her to judge how it’s actually going. She knows he has friends in football with him, but other than that he mostly talks to her about Flora and Miles. 

Since Miles had gone off to boarding school, Flora and him were tied at the hip. Maybe it would make it harder for when Miles had to start back up in the fall, but for now, she wouldn’t worry about that. All she would do is enjoy the summer with her most important person. 

She hadn’t realized how much the kids had been missing playing until Dani had come at the end of spring. She brought back laughter in the halls and continuous studies and fun for the kids. Dani only had the best things to say about Mikey during their lunch chats. Great things that made her chest well up with pride. 

She relents at the tugging of her hands by both Mikey and Flora towards the house. She wipes her boots off before entering the house, not to have Hannah give her any more trouble about trekking in mud. No, lectures from Hannah were never something someone wished for. 

“So, who’s seeking first?” Dani asks once they’re all in agreement of the rules of the game. No hiding in the old wing. No enticing Owen or Hannah to tell you where the others are hidden. And nobody hides outside. Easy enough rules, even though Jamie knew she might break one if she’s stuck trying to find the kids. Hannah was always watching and would give her good directions to at least one of them. 

“Me!” “Me!” Flora’s and Mikey’s voice both ring out at the same time. They turn to stare at each other, neither of them quite budging on their insistence of going first. 

“All right, you lot, you know the rules,” Jamie says looking towards Dani. “Rock, paper, scissors it is.” 

They’ve begun using this as the tie breaker a summer back when none of them would relent. Rebecca had been the one with the idea. 

Flora ends up the winner of the round and Mikey is a good sport about it, moving to stand near Miles. 

“Count to sixty, then?”

Flora quickly covers her eyes with her hands before beginning her count down. They all scatter, the boys running upstairs and her and Dani split. 

It’s harder to find a good hiding spot in this big place than Jamie remembers. She knows that Flora will look on the lower level first, but she’s already given up time to find someplace upstairs without making too much noise. 

“Fourty-two, fourty-three..” Flora drags on, her voice giddy with excitement. 

Finally she turns back around and makes her way into the kitchen where near the door is a small broom closet that she doesn’t think Flora will think of. It’s not perfectly splendid in this dirty closet. She opens the door and finds Dani standing in the space already. “Sorry, I’ll--” she gets interrupted by Flora screaming out sixty and before she truly knows what is happening, Dani has pulled her into the closet and shut the door quietly behind her. 

“Hi,” Dani whispers out and Jamie can feel her breath against her face. Space is limited between the two of them in this small place and Dani’s hand is still wrapped around Jamie’s forearm. She’s heard Flora go bounding up the stairs, so she feels more comfortable being able to whisper to Dani. 

“Good spot, eh?” Jamie teases, but Dani’s so close that it feels more intimate. Intimate in a way that Jamie realizes now that she’s been missing, been craving. Having this little time away from the world with Dani standing across from her, the weight of her grip still on Jamie’s arm. 

“How’d they convince you to play?” Jamie asks, trying to get her mind off the fact that Dani is so close to her and  _ touching _ her. 

“Bored with math, they seemed, wanted to lighten them up a bit.” 

“Hmm, guess I’ll have to get bored more often, seeing as it gets you out of the classroom and away from the kids.”

Dani’s eyes aren’t on hers anymore, she can feel the weight of Dani’s gaze as it drops to her lips before blinking fast and staring back up at her. “Jamie, you’ve got..” Dani whispers out before letting go of Jamie’s arm. Jamie aches missing the grip, but before she can think about it more, Dani has reached up and is pushing a curl out of her face. 

Her breath hitches as Dani pushes it behind her ear, fingers lingering longer than what would be considered just friendly. Jamie knows that this heat, this want goes both ways. 

And it would be easy to lean forward and kiss Dani, but she couldn’t. 

Why couldn’t she? She can’t remember as she stares at Dani. Can’t remember the reasons on why not. It’s easy to get lost in the gravity of Dani. Jamie’s been pulled into her direction at every moment of the day. She wants to grow nearer and nearer each time she sees her. Wants to be near her, with her. All things if it means Dani is the end of the sentence. She wants it all. 

Jamie can hear giggles outside of the closet along with whispers of some plan gone right. Right,  _ Mikey _ . That was the blaring reason why she hadn’t pushed this further along, why she kept Dani out. 

“Think we can scare them?” Jamie asks. Dani’s eyes are still drifted downwards, but she nods anyway. Jamie thinks this moment in the closet could go further than just longing gazes and shared breath. “Okay, lets count to three,” Jamie whispers out. “One.”

“Two.”

“Three!” Jamie says as she pushes open the door and with a loud “hey!” The kids scatter with giggles and smiles on their faces. Mikey is the first to rush back into the room. His smile is the largest. Dani goes off in the opposite direction chasing after Miles and Flora. Jamie takes a deep breath of air, feeling the heat of the closet lessen the more she’s out of it. 

“What were you lot doing instead of busting in?” Jamie asks, ruffling Mikey’s curls when he moves forwards towards her. 

Mikey doesn’t answer her, only gives a grin before he’s out of the kitchen, following the sounds of Miles and Flora and Dani. 

* * *

“Today was amazing,” Mikey says as he slumps against the car seat, clearly exhausted. 

Jamie hums as he drifts off to sleep. He adjusts himself on the seat, trying to find a comfortable position before giving up and laying across the front seat to put his head into her lap. Things had been a little strange after their encounter in the closet. Dani seemed a flighty bird that went further away each time Jamie drew closer. Maybe she was being unfair. She had been the one to tell Dani this wasn’t going to happen. 

But it was happening, wasn’t it? 

Even though she thought she’d put a stop to it, she really hadn’t. 

Jamie kept letting Dani in, let her closer to her heart and to Mikey. 

For fucks sakes, even Mikey was spending almost the whole day with her now. Mikey who raved about Miss Clayton each night on the car ride home. Mikey who seems like a happier kid now that she’s in his life. Jamie feels a happier person with her in her life as well. 

Happier because it’s almost like pieces of a puzzle were being put together when she hadn’t realized she was laying a puzzle in her heart all this time. 

She thought it was just her and Mikey. Just the two of them, nobody else.

But it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t just the two of them anymore. Their family included more. Dinners weren’t spent by only the two of them anymore. Afternoons and evenings were spent with the new family they’ve created in Bly. 

And as much as Jamie’s been trying to push her out, Dani’s already found her way into it. Even without allowing her to go further with her, Dani had seeped into her life, making a home in her chest that Jamie thought already full. 

* * *

Owen’s mom dies on a Tuesday. Jamie knew the day was coming for a few weeks. Owen spent less and less time with them all. Some days he’d be late to work and her or Hannah would make the kids breakfast instead. Usually Mikey was the only one not to turn their nose up at her food. He was used to the way she cooked, very minimalist. Didn’t have much need to cook good food, because Owen did that for them. 

The basics were much more practical. 

When Hannah tells her, there’s an ache in her chest for him. She has no idea if Louise or even her Dad were still alive or dead. She reckons she would have heard if they were dead, but no way to be certain. She had left that life behind when she first went to London. Then when she got custody of Mikey, she knew she’d never return there. Never bring him back to that life. Luckily, he hadn’t asked much about grandparents. Only a few times and she tried to be as honest as she could without breaking his heart. 

Because he knew that she wasn’t his biological mom, but he still called her mom and he assured her that she was still his mom in every other sense of the word. If anything, she thinks he knows it makes her a bit sad and that’s why he doesn’t bring it up. 

The kid is too good for her. How she ended up with this sweet, sensitive boy, she would never understand but would forever be grateful for. 

Hannah had told her she’s skipping the funeral, so she makes her way upstairs to see if Dani is still making it. Mikey is staying home for the day. She promised him that she’ll pick him up after the funeral and bring him over here to hang out with the kids. Jamie knows they’ll hang out for a bit with their family for the night. 

She knocks on the door. “You decent?” 

“Come in, Oh, you look--” Jamie interrupts before she can finish the sentence because she doesn’t know if she can be cool if Dani calls her something like beautiful. 

“I can scrub up when I need to. Funeral starts at four, Owen says we should get there early.”

“Okay,”

“It’s uh, quite a dress.” It’s definitely not a funeral dress. To be honest, her own outfit may not be the traditional funeral wear either, but she didnt’ have a lot of options anyway. But Dani’s dress wasn't the type at all for a funeral.

“Yeah, it's the only thing I had in black,” Dani explains before looking down and her face is half covered by her hair. Hair that just begged to be handled. “I, I hate it.”

“It does like a bit, like you’re trying to scandalize the village. Can’t say I fault the general principle.”

“I just don’t want to let Owen down.”

“He won’t mind. Honestly, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“Really?” 

“Said as much, pretty clear.” 

“Yeah, that’s a relief, actually. I had a funeral in my own life, not so long ago, and I feel like this--”

“Hey, Poppins, it’s your day off,” Jamie says as she crosses the space between them and touches Dani’s elbow, giving the smallest amount of support that she can through touch. “I promise, I don’t need you to be my date to Owen’s mom's funeral.” Dani’s face scrunches up, but she laughs just a little bit and that’s all Jamie wanted to hear. 

“Okay, okay,” Dani repeats. “Can you help me out of this?”

“Blimey,” Jamie says and Dani laughs again, assuring her it’s just because she can’t reach the zipper. Jamie wishes that she could miss the funeral, spend the day with the kids instead. But, she knows that both Hannah and Dani aren’t going. 

Jamie would go. She’d go because just like everything in life, Jamie was committed. Her friendship with Owen meant that she would commit to going to a funeral, even if she didn’t want to. 

For him, she’d brave the town and all the judgement of the older folks in Bly who only had nasty things to whisper about her and Mikey. “ _ Oh, but she’s so young. What a waste,”  _ they’d whisper when they thought she couldn’t hear. At least, the other parents at Mikey’s school were more understanding, a few of them she’d call closer to friends than just acquaintances. 

“If I find you haven’t been relaxing, there will be serious consequences,” she says in her voice that she uses when she needs Mikey to do what she says, but Dani just laughs at it and Jamie smiles. 

Because there isn’t a better sound in the world than Dani laughing. 

* * *

The funeral is overall sad. A sad day full of sad people and none sadder than Owen. Owen, her friend, who she lets lean against her when something sends him into a spiral talking about how lovely his mum was. Jamie never met her, but she’s heard plenty of stories about her when he was growing up. A strong mum that raised him right, Jamie remembers wishing that she had a mother like that. A mother that loved her so deeply and completely. 

But then she sees the pain that Owen is going through. Sees the pain and remembers that pain of loss happening when she was young and her mother wasn’t even a fixture in her life when she left. 

So even though she hasn’t had a parent die, she’s lost both of hers. 

And loss was something they had in common, something that allows her to go to the funeral with an idea of what grief is. Even if Owen’s is much more than her own. 

“You alright?” she asks before she leaves the church. Feels a bit wrong to be there, knowing that she isn’t religious. 

“Thank you,” Owen says and Jamie brushes it off. 

“It’s nothing.”

“No,” he insists, taking her hand in his. “ _ Thank you _ .” 

She knows what he is saying. Thank you for being there. Thank you for coming and supporting him. 

“It’s what families do.” 

* * *

Mikey is full of energy by the time she returns home from the funeral. He’s been playing video games and the apartment is even more a mess than when she left in the morning. 

Jamie’s thoughts of what death really is are replaced with thoughts of Mikey’s happiness and his conversation that lulls her into peace. 

By the time they’re all at the house, Owen has arrived as well. Mikey runs straight out the truck to give him a hug. A hug that Jamie knows Owen appreciates by the smile on his face. Dani and Hannah are in the kitchen cooking with both Miles and Flora. Mikey sticks around her until they enter into the kitchen and he finds his proper spot between Miles and Flora. 

For the siblings Mikey would never have, the two Wingraves made good substitutes. 

The night slips by easily. Owen has no cooking to do, so he takes a rest. Rest is something he needs and they’re happy to help him get some. Flora is enamoured with trying to keep his spirits up. Even though she has something special with the girl, they all know that Owen is her favorite. The two of them have been thick as thieves since he started. Owen brought life to Flora especially after her parents had died. 

It shouldn’t surprise them that Flora has the most thoughtfully view of death. 

Dead doesn’t mean gone, she says and the words ring into her chest.

Words that bring emotions that she hadn’t realized were there. Maybe, she thinks for a second, death is better than abandonment. Owen’s mom and the Wingraves hadn’t chosen to leave them, she bets they would do anything to be back with them. Mikey turns to look at her, like he’s waiting for her to say something, but she can’t think of words to say. Nothing will be said as beautifully as Flora’s words. 

It’s later than usual when the kids finally head up for bed. Hannah and her had talked about a bonfire after the kids were asleep, so Jamie lets Mikey stay upstairs with Miles awake. She’ll go up to get him before she leaves. Sleep will have taken him by that point and it’ll be easy to carry him down to the car. It wouldn’t be much longer that she could do that. One day, a thought had really fucked her over. She’d pick him up for the last time one day. Those moments in the car with his head in her lap or when he gives her a hug, one day those will be gone. And it wrecked her to think about. 

But for now, she tries to not worry about it. Tries to enjoy the moments that they share together when he’s still young and she’s still his cool mum. 

The bonfire was a good idea, she reckons, up until they start speaking of the dead and Jamie knows that the funeral in Dani’s life weighs heavy on her chest by the way she keeps staring down into the dirt. Both Hannah and her give toasts to the Wingraves. Hannah’s been here much longer than she has, but the Wingraves shaped her life just as much if not more. Both Mikey and her paths had been shifted because they had been given a chance. A chance to make a family and ease into their life together. 

Owen toasts last and they all drink to him. Even without knowing his mum, they all know that she was very important to one of their people. 

Hannah ends up pressed close against him, speaking so softly that their words are lost to the noise of wood crackling. “Give them a moment?” Jamie asks Dani, who keeps staring down, only flickering her eyes up quickly to meet Jamie’s gaze before nodding. 

The greenhouse is a good enough spot to settle in. There was something hanging above Dani that she knew she needed to get off her chest. “I’m not gonna ask if you’re alright, cause I don’t like being lied to. So, what's wrong?”

“I--I’ve told you about my fiancé, right?”

Jamie nods, taking a deep breath in. “You did, I was hoping we’d get round to that one.” Because Dani had a fiance, which means this can’t go further, right? Other walls had already slipped away over the past few weeks. Worrying about this affecting Mikey had only turned into a slight hum in the back of her head, knowing this couldn’t just be a fling or something casual. 

“Yeah, we were-- we were engaged and he died. He died and I, uh, I haven’t been able to see past that, not really. It’s like he’s  _ here _ even though, even if I don’t want him to be.”Jamie keeps quiet, knowing this isn’t a time for her to speak, but to listen. She’s sadly surprised that her fiance is dead, because that’s tragic and not anything she wished for Dani to have to deal with. “I’ve never told anyone that.” 

“I’m so, so sorry,” Jamie starts after a few moments of silence. 

“We were about to break up. We, uh, I had… we had broken up. I broke up, I guess, right before.  _ Right  _ before.”

“Jesus, Dani, the same day.” 

Dani doesn’t speak, so Jamie sits back in the lounge. “What’d you mean he’s still here?” she asks, not wanting to push too fast after she’s opened up. 

“It’s like I see him, sometimes. Just watching me,” Dani whispers out, like it’s a secret she’s kept.

“Is he here now?” she asks and Dani looks around, poor girl, before shaking her head. “Good, cause I’d have to sort him out. Oi, dead boyfriend, give it up, mate, it’s over.” Dani is looking at her like she’s said something miraculous, but she’d just been saying the truth. If there was some  _ ghost _ or something following Dani around, she’d sort them out. Put a sign up on the property too, no hauntings here. Not allowed by notice of the groundskeeper. “Poppins, how are you still standing?” 

“I think I’m crazy,” Dani says and Jamie sits up and shakes her head. 

“I think you’re surprisingly sane, all things considered,” Jamie teases, looking to find some way to make Dani laugh or smile or feel something other than this dread of an  _ ex _ stalking her from the afterlife. “I haven’t lost anyone, not like that, but I do know how it feels to--” 

She’s cut off mid sentence with a kiss. A kiss that has Dani on the other side of it. She remembers kissing Dani before that night in the middle of a storm, but doesn’t remember it being nearly this incredible. Knowing what she does now about Dani, even without the dead fiance, has made the moment so much more special. So much more powerful than knowing the hot au pair for a few weeks and wanting to put her hands down her pants.

Now it was different. 

Dani kissed as deeply and charged as she did with everything else. Jamie didn’t push away from the kiss, no, she leaned in, letting her body be tugged against Dani’s, letting her hand grasp at Dani’s heavy jacket. She pulls away, just to ask, because she needs to know. “You sure?” 

She doesn’t know what to do while she waits, so she just stares at Dani’s lips. Lips that are so inviting and begged to be kissed. “Yes,” Dani finally says and Jamie whispers a thank fuck before they’re reconnected. 

Time passes slowly as she gets accustomed to the feeling of Dani against her. She’s never been properly kissed like this, with the knowledge of who the person across from you truly is. The knowledge that they’ve built something between the two of them before jumping into this. 

Because they have built something. Something strong and steady that lays beneath their feet. A strong foundation that allows Jamie to relax into the kiss and truly feel. Possibly for the first time feel the emotional connection that comes along with a kiss like this. Heat rushes through her body as she feels Dani’s tongue in her mouth and she shivers at the contact. Shivers because this is real and happening. Dani’s hair is soft in her hands as she pushes it back to cup at Dani’s face. How had she think of giving this up forever? She had already let Dani in so much, so much more than she had thought, this just felt right. Right like nothing had before. 

She could do this. This wasn’t as scary as she thought. Not when it was Dani’s hands gripping at her jacket and it was Dani on the other end of the kiss. 

More and more contact is needed as they push against each other. 

Then, like all good things in Jamie’s life, it comes to a screeching end. 

Dani jumps back and Jamie takes a deep breath in. 

“Okay,” she reasons as she sits on the couch, pushed away from Dani. Her hurt feelings tug at her heart, a feeling of rejection, but she pushes past that. Pushes back from the point of leaving, because Dani’s hands are already on her jacket, trying to keep her tethered near by. 

“Sorry, I, I,” Dani tries to explain, but she comes up empty handed with no words to speak.

Part of her wishes to push off the couch and never think of this moment again, never allow Dani back in, but it wasn’t that simple, really. She already had Dani within her heart and life, there was no easy out from this. So, she braves a turn and looks at Dani. Dani looks so sad and small, how could Jamie think of walking away. Not now, not yet. 

“Dani, look,” she says as she takes one of Dani’s hands into her own. “You just telling me about the ex stuff you’re working through and you’re here from America. But I’m here. I’m here and linked here for the foreseeable future with Mikey. I can’t do casual,” Jamie explains, finally giving Dani a view into her life.

“Jamie I--”

“No, Dani, please,” Jamie interrupts, because this conversation needs to be over for the night. Dani needs more time to think than just the split second reaction. “I need you to really think about this. Because I like ya, I do. But Mikey needs stability that I’m trying to give him. So please, really, really think if this is what you want. Not just tonight, but for longer, okay?” 

Dani is still staring at her, a dazed look on her face and in her eyes. Tonight wasn’t the time to figure this all out, not when both of them were on edge and emotional. This conversation needed the light of day and both of them did not drink a bottle of wine. So Jamie squeezed Dani’s hands, squeezed to let her know that she was here. She was. Just for tonight, this had to be the end. 

“I’m gonna get Mikey and take Owen home.”

“I don’t--”

“Really think, really  _ think _ , okay Dani?” Jamie says softly, but there’s need in her tone. Need for Dani to understand what she’s saying and to hear her. “We can talk later or pretend this didn’t happen, whatever you want. I just, I’m not easy and I come with a kid.” 

She takes a deep breath in and hauls herself to her feet. “Get inside before your toes freeze off,” she says with a half-smile, hoping to get some reaction from Dani, but all Dani does is continue to stare at her. 

“I’ll see ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh! y'all have been too nice to me in the comments. they really inspire me to write more, so i appreciate every single one <3 also, the kids really think they're sneaky ... ;)


	5. wreck my plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me start by saying this chapter was supposed to go another direction, but, eh, it went another one.

The two days off between kissing Dani and being back at work seemed to go by faster than usual. She’s itching to get back to see where the two of them land, if they’re just going to stay friends or decide for something more. She desperately wants to have more than just friendship with Dani, but she has stuff in her life that she can’t expect anyone to be okay with. Even at 25 having a 9 year old meant the next decade of her life would be spent raising a teenager to an adult. 

As much as she loves Mikey, he’s turning growing out of his kid label soon enough. When she had first gotten him back, he had been 4 when they were first reunited. She doesn’t know what she was getting herself into when she first tried to get custody of Mikey. The first few years were rough. Time was spent completely dedicated to getting him adjusted to a home life that wasn’t in foster care. She’d make sure his experience was nothing like her own. Nobody should go through what she had for that year and a half. 

Everything had left her with a chip on her shoulder, angry at the world. But with a kid, the world couldn’t be a scary place. She wouldn’t let Mikey grow up letting all the horror of the world shade his view. He grew up with happiness that she had been denied. 

It wasn’t until Dani that she truly realized that she was depriving Mikey of something, of some part of her. She was so focused on giving him the best life that she had left hers back down the road they were driving. And Mikey deserves to have his mum happy. She hadn’t realized that before, but she did now. He tells her himself that she seems happier. Tells her that he likes seeing her like this. 

Everything couldn’t be just about Mikey, not anymore. He was growing up and didn’t need all her attention. Letting herself have something else wasn’t going to deny him of her attention or affection. For the first time that night with Dani, before Dani pulled away, she believed it.

Believes that she deserves happiness, just like Mikey deserves it.

And happiness came from being around Dani. 

So, Jamie had given her a choice, one that was for Dani to decide. Because now Jamie was in. She was in if Dani was. Maybe she was a little harsh, but Dani had just pulled away from her. Jumped back like Jamie had  _ scared _ her. Something she never wanted Dani to feel. 

Where did that leave them? With her being too needy and Dani pulling away? 

Nerves build up inside of her, threatening to boil over once they are in the driveway. Mikey’s asleep against her lap. Wednesdays were hard. Typically she got to work at 7 and he was more awake. But getting there at 5:45 made Jamie basically need to carry the boy out of bed and into the truck. He’d sleep for another hour or two before getting up and seeing where his mum had ended up. 

In her nightmare, coming back to the house everything seemed different, darker. But in reality, it didn’t look any different. 

Nothing had been forever changed physically now that Dani had kissed her, now that she had kissed Dani. The old manor yawned to welcome them back while the sun began lightening up the darkness surrounding them. 

Jamie hadn’t been a morning person until prison. Before, she’d sleep in late and stay up even later. All to rock this image of delinquency she thought she craved. And after foster care, her sleep had been forever altered, the night was no longer safe. But working with the garden had shown her that early was good, better even. Then when she finally was able to sleep again, she’d find herself ready to be awake by the time dawn happened. 

When the sun was up, so was Jamie. Now it has become routine and the favorite part of the day. No one bothers her when the sun is rising. 

Seeing Dani at the door of her greenhouse surprised her. Jamie didn’t peg her for being a morning person, never seen her this early before even.

“Don’t usually see you this side of the am,” Jamie says as she glances over her shoulder to see Dani standing in the door frame with two cups in her hands. Mikey’s still asleep in the truck, so she doesn’t have to worry about being quiet and hushing Dani. “And you, what, brought me a cuppa?”

“Yeah, I knew you start early on Thursdays, so I thought I’d bring you some coffee.”

“You yanks and your coffee,” Jamie never thought much of coffee, but obviously Dani had tried, so she gave it a try. Tea was infinitely better, especially in the morning, did the trick in waking her up. She took a sip while Dani watched her intently. 

Perhaps a better person would have been able to stomach the coffee and smile up at Dani, but it tasted ridiculously sweet and bitter at the same time. She spit it back into the cup with a grimace on her face. It's the effort that counts, right? 

“I’m not the best at coffee either,” Dani explains and Jamie hums in response. She’s still unsure on the territory between the two of them. She had laid it on pretty thick at the end of the night, being a bit too needy in Dani’s decision making. 

“How’s your week been?” Jamie asks as she tends to the plants that she’s been troubled by. They’re in the greenhouse for a reason, afterall. Dani tells her that everything is going right in the house, except without her and Mikey and Owen, it’s been pretty quiet. “Did you wake up just for this?” Jamie asks because she needs to know. 

“No,” Dani says with a crinkle in her forehead. “I knew you were coming today, but no.”

“So you just got up with the sun and thought you’d come say hi at six in the morning for no particular reason?” Dani doesn’t answer her, but she’s staring at her so intently and incredibly open. “Poppins, you flirt.”

Dani follows her as she moves to the other side of her greenhouse. Dani’s hands are still clenched onto the cup between them. “Fine. I don’t like the way we left it.”

Jamie wonders what Dani is sure either way, whether to move this forward or just stay where they are now. Even though she desperately wants more, she has given Dani the reins at this point. “And how did we leave it?”

“Wrong.”

“Rather think I was pretty clear at the end. You’ve got this irritating habit of jumping away, just like you’ve seen a scary bug. If you want, can stay just the same. I like the way my life, nice and boring other than the kid.”

Dani takes a moment before she responds, but Jamie can’t bring herself to just stare at the girl, instead she tends to the flowers as she lets Dani think. Dani comes right up to her before she responds. “That pub in town, where we first met, well, maybe not really got to know each other, but first met, anyways. Would you wanna get a drink?” Dani asks. “That could be kinda boring, right?”

“Could be dreadfully boring.”

“We could get a boring old drink in a boring old pub…”

“You know I live above that boring ol’ pub, right?” Dani turns away from her, her eyes now drawn to the ground. “Got a flat, right above the boring old pub.” 

When Dani looks up, there’s a smile on her face. One that she tries to hide but fails, because Jamie can see the implication as clear as day. And the implication is something that she also wants, desperately, so she throws out a line into the space between them.

“I reckon Mikey could enjoy a sleepover with the kids.”

“I could ask Hannah to watch them,” Dani adds with an excited glow about her, her hands are fidgeting together. 

“Reckon, it’s a date then,” she says softly and Dani beams at her. 

Absolutely beams and Jamie’s heart flutters.

* * *

Waiting for the weekend makes the days go by so slowly. Her work seems to taunt her as it becomes harder and harder for her to be far away from the house itself. She wants to be in the house with Dani, not off making sure the hedges at the edge of the property are proper and fit. 

Jamie got the fun part of asking Mikey if he’d like to have a sleepover with the kids without her staying over. He was excited, but seemed a little unsure. “Why wouldn’t you stay over then?” He asked with a quizzical look on his face. 

“Well, I was going to go down to the pub with Dani after work, thought you’d like it better to stay here than have to be bored at home.”

The answer got him excited again, but perhaps for a different reason. After that, he wanted to know all about what she was doing with Dani that night when he’d be away. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with?” He finally asks, a little jealous that Jamie will get all of Dani’s attention. 

“Not this time, kid. Besides when did you become old enough to drink?”

Mikey rolls his eyes at her lame joke. “Is it a date?” He asks a little more boldly. “Flora told me that when people like  _ like  _ each other, they go on dates. Is that what your doing?” 

Flora didn’t seem like a bad influence to Mikey until this moment. The little girl knew more than she let on, of course Jamie had picked up the hints of the kids trying to pull the two of them together. Flora was more than happy to move so that Jamie could sit next to Dani during meals. Said the seating arrangement that way was perfectly splendid. “It’s just a drink at a pub, Mikey.”

“But, you would tell me right?” 

“If it goes somewhere and I’m dating, of course.”

He doesn’t seem too settled by her answer, but the excitement of another sleepover outweighs any of his doubt. 

She didn’t envy Dani having to ask Hannah if she could watch the kids for one night, because Dani came back out of the kitchen with the tips of her ears red and her face flushed. The endless teasing from Hannah and Owen would be the death of them. Owen already tried to get her to give more information over, but she held out, wanting to go at Dani’s pace instead of her own. 

Turns out Dani’s pace was a lot faster than her own. Their talk one afternoon had gone longer than usual and had ended with Dani’s foot fiddling with her own underneath the table. The act alone has her feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush. A crush on this magnificent being in front of her. Waves of blonde hair covered her face but the smile could be seen easily. Dani’s smile could be seen far away, the amount of joy within it was breathtaking. Jamie could stare at Dani for days it seems, because she can’t drag her gaze away, even when Owen enters the kitchen area again. She misses Dani’s foot against her own when she gets up and asks Jamie to excuse her for a second. 

Owen looks at her again and she musters a “bugger off” that is responded with a “what?” with an innocent smile on his face. She gets up from the chair, thinking of leaving it pushed out, but knowing better and pushing it into the table. 

She leaves the kitchen and heads down towards the exit from the hallway attached to the kitchen. Isn’t expecting Dani to come from behind her and tug her into the small closet that they had hid just a week ago during hide and seek. Doesn’t expect Dani’s hands to tug at her arms until they’re pushed against each other and Dani’s kissing her deeply.

Even if she doesn’t expect it, she doesn’t complain or question, only pulling the door closed behind them and pressing the small lock to keep out anyone else. Dani’s mouth is hot against her own, her hair thick between Jamie’s hand and Dani’s neck. Dani’s hands are pulling her closer, making an ungodly soft moan when Jamie grazes her lip with her teeth. 

“Where the kids?” Jamie asks as she tugs Dani’s hair away from her neck, so she can kiss against the soft skin it hides. 

Dani pushes into her as Jamie’s hand is firm on her hips, keeping her hips from grinding against her, for now at least. “Hannah said she’d watch them,” Dani replies and Jamie smiles against her neck. 

“Reckon we don’t need too much time,” Jamie grins as she moves her kisses back up Dani’s neck until their lips touch again. 

Heat rushes through her body as Dani’s hands push at her overshirt, pulling it down until it's just her in her overalls left. Not the exactly right wear for this tight space with these wandering hands, but it’s fine enough. Brings Dani’s hands back up until she’s the one whose hair is pushed away from her face. Hasn’t properly snogged like this in quite a while, if you hadn’t counted that night with Dani. Not even then it felt like this. This was built between the pair of them, slowly over the last few months with conversations at the table just a few meters away from this closet. 

“I’ve been so desperate to do this,” Jamie whispers out as she pushes up Dani’s jumper just until she can get her hands on the warm skin. “So desperate,” she repeats as Dani’s hips lurch forward against her own at Jamie’s hand on her back. 

Runs her hand down her side until she reaches behind Dani and grabs at the flesh there, pulling a thigh up and against her own. Feels how Dani lurches into the movement, her hips grinding against the new closeness between the two of them. 

Dani is soft underneath her worked hands, soft and pliant in a way that Jamie leans into. A hand wraps around Dani’s back, keeping them pulled together, letting her fingers splay out so she can feel more and more of Dani. The other hand pushes upwards, landing outside of Dani’s bra. 

Feels like being a school girl again, as she palms over Dani’s covered breast. Dani makes the most delightful sound and Jamie smiles into the kiss. She aches to feel the bare skin against her hand. Her fingers prod gently underneath the strap, feeling the supple weight of Dani’s breasts. She can’t help herself with Dani’s tiny moans of pleasure, she lets her fingers fully slip underneath the material and palm at her naked breast. “So fucking pretty,” she repeats like she had the last time she had seen Dani like this. Pretty, beautiful, breathtaking. All words Jamie would use to describe her in this moment of passion. When her thumb ran over a hardened nipple, she had tilted her head back against the wall and Jamie could only stare at her. How fucking lucky she was to be able to  _ be _ with Dani. 

“I should stop,” Jamie says, her hand dangerously close to the start of Dani’s skirt, her hands desperate to go further down, pushing past that barrier. “You’re probably needed out there.”

“Please don’t,” Dani begs and tugs at her arm to keep them close, locked into each other. Pieces of a puzzle that just  _ fit _ . “Don’t.”

Jamie takes a moment to breathe, because Dani deserves the whole package. Deserves to be wined and dined before taken back up to her place. “Deserve more,” Jamie whispers back, letting their gazes lock again. 

Dani shakes her head, like Jamie’s said the damndest thing. “Only you,” she says, her hand back at Jamie’s face, cradling it oh so gently. “Oh god, please just touch me.”

Jamie can’t deny the lady her request, so she lets her hand slip underneath the elastic and runs down Dani’s stomach until she’s cupping her from outside her pants. 

There’s something more delicious about doing this in the middle of the afternoon, away from the world outside the two of them. “You’ll have to be quiet,” Jamie hums against Dani’s neck, sucking against the pulse she feels.

Dani nods heavily as Jamie grins and lets her fingers feel Dani from outside her pants. The feel of the wet fabric sends shivers down her own center. She thinks maybe she could come from this alone. 

“Next time, we’ll be alone and you can be as loud as you like,” Jamie reminds Dani who whimpers out as Jamie’s fingers tease from outside her pants. “Fucking hell, you’re gorgeous.”

Dani’s hands are frantic at her back as Jamie rubs against the fabric. The whispers of more have her hand tucks beneath Dani’s pants until she can slip past damp curls to find the heat she’s been seeking. Dani preens against her when her fingers finally touch the wetness. “You’ll tell me if you don’t like something, won’t you?” Jamie asks as she pulls back from a hungry kiss from Dani. She doesn’t move her fingers until Dani whimpers out a yes. Jamie had a whole plan about taking her upstairs from the pub after a drink or two, she was going to lay her out on the bed and fuck her the most gentle she’s ever been fucked. 

In the broom closet it was different. There was a hunger in both of them that drove her forward, Dani’s leg has hooked around her calf as Jamie pushed forwards with her fingers, slipping one into Dani. Dani vibrates as she rocks her hips into the slow pace Jamie has set. Kissing has been forgotten as Dani pants into her shoulder, trying to hold in the noises that Jamie desperately wishes to hear. She can’t wait to hear Dani’s moans and screams when she can drag them out of her. 

But these breathless moans and choked noises that are coming from Dani have her already soaked. She can’t imagine she could get more turned on than this. Fucking Dani in the broom closet. 

“ _ More _ ,” Dani commands, her hips trying to pick up the pace that Jamie is lacking. 

Jamie smiles and slips another finger inside of her, using more pressure upwards with the two inside of her. She matches the speed of Dani’s hips, letting Dani ride her fingers just as much as she’s fucking her. “Fuck,” Jamie whispers out as she can feel Dani’s clench around her fingers. Dani’s thighs squeeze her arm as she tries to keep up the steady pace. The idea of her head being between those thighs make her clench in want. Yes, that will definitely be something to try. 

A few more thrusts and Jamie starts rubbing her thumb in a similar rhythm as the movements of Dani’s hips. Dani cries out a little more loudly and Jamie slows down again. “Quiet, love,” she reminds Dani, who brings their mouths together in a kiss. Their tongues rub against each other as Jamie lets her thumb pick up the pace again. Dani’s moans are softer now against her lips. Part of Jamie wishes to pull back to watch as Dani comes undone, but she can’t bear to pull her lips away from Dani’s mouth, even for that sight. 

She knows that Dani is close by the way her hips are moving and her whimpers of pleasure. She can’t help but tease her. “I can’t wait to taste you,” she whispers, her voice heavy with desire. The words alone bring Dani’s hands clutching at her back for more support as she shudders with release. Dani’s forehead moves and rests against her collarbone, her breaths coming out in pants as Jamie gently rocks into her, drawing it out before slipping her fingers out of her. Dani’s leg falls from its clutch of Jamie’s calf until she’s relaxed against the wall. Jamie takes the movement and takes a half step back, giving room between them once more. “I didn’t-- you didn’t--” Dani’s words are still a bit slurred from pleasure and Jamie takes absolute delight in it. 

“I’m alright, don't worry about me. This was about you, Poppins. I’ll keep your word for another night then.”

Instead of wiping her fingers off, she brings them to her mouth and sucks on them. Dani’s head has popped up off her collarbone, now just wantonly staring at her. 

“Need another one?” Jamie asks with a cocky smile as Dani stares at her with an open mouth. 

She nearly squeals out an “another!”

Jamie continues to smile as she moves back in against Dani, bringing their bodies together again. Both their breaths are still heavy from desire. “I reckon, you can do more than one. Maybe even more than two. I promise you this, next time they’ll be more than one.” 

Dani continues to stare at her, but her eyes have dipped again to look at Jamie’s lips. “Poppins,” she teases before Dani pushes off the wall and kisses her again. 

“Promise?” she asks innocently, her fingers tug on Jamie’s overalls gently, just needing something to do with her hands that ache to wander. 

“Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this just happened and i couldn't stop writing it, so yay them. i did promise last chapter that jamie is a giver ;) there's basically no kid in this because my brain was like nope! time for them to have some solo time 
> 
> comments bring me so much joy, i love each one of them <3


	6. anywhere else (is hollow)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinks of dragging the hand back, but she opens her eyes and Dani’s eyes are blown out in lust, looking at Jamie like she’s some precious, beautiful thing. And now all she wants is to make Dani feel the same way. Wants to hear Dani’s cries out into her apartment, knowing what it felt like when Dani orgasmed already, but needed to feel it again, and again, and again. Until Dani pushed her off her, she’d draw out whatever symphonies she could from Dani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently being nervous about election results ends in ... this.

Mikey’s itching to start his sleepover at the same time that Jamie’s itching to have that drink with Dani. They both enter the house on Friday with a quick in their step, ready to get through the day faster. 

For the past few days each time Jamie caught Dani’s eye, the au pair blushed and scattered away. For as forward she had been in the broom closet, Jamie still reminds herself that this is fresh and new for the both of them. IT doesn’t hurt her feelings the way that Dani skirts around their moments for the day after the incident. She lets Dani take all the time she needs. 

“You gonna be ‘ight, kid?” Jamie asks before she leaves for the evening. Dani’s standing behind them, her hands twisted against each other. The other kids are off, but Mikey wanted to know when she was leaving. 

Mikey nods his head, but still seems unsure of this new experience he’s going to have. Usually she sleeps over when he does. Jamie feels the nerves radiating off of him, because she has nerves of her own. It’s the first time for both of them to be apart. Since she got him when he was 4, they really had never spent a night apart. Sleepovers were always at their apartment for his school friends. Tonight was a big step for the both of them. Part of Jamie wishes to change her mind and just allow Mikey to come home and back into her bed, never to leave.

But he was growing up. And that was a good thing. 

It made her realize that she is growing up too. 

No longer is she that lost girl that had a kid thrust upon her. She had grown from that, _through_ that. They were both growing. Even if it came with a weird ache in her chest. Jamie really didn’t like thinking of how fast he was growing up. 

But it was happening and they both were facing it head on. 

“Mum,” he says softly, looking up at her with a curl loose on his forehead. “What if…” his voice trails off and he looks away, embarrassed of the thought. 

She squats down so she can be more eye level with him. “If anything happens, you call me.”

“But if you’re--”

Jamie interrupts, because this is important. “Nothing is more important if you need me. Anytime, you call.” 

This is advice she’ll continue to give him as he becomes a teenager. Anytime, from anywhere, she will pick up the phone and come get him. 

Because she knows what it’s like to not have someone to come get her. Remembers how many situations she wished she could call her mum or dad to come pick her up but never could. She always knew that she wasn’t important enough for them to stop whatever they were doing to come get her. 

That would never be the case with her and Mikey. 

“Got that?” she asks and he nods, still a little pensive. “I might have to call if I miss you more.”

It gets a smile from Mikey that she loves. “I’ll be fine, mum.”

Of course he will.

* * *

They get two drinks into their chat at the pub before Dani’s ankle brushes against hers underneath the table. Jamie has seen a few other moms from school at the pub, but none had come to say hello, just nodded their heads or waved from across the room. Grace gives her a knowing smile from across the bar when she goes back for the next round. Even teases her with a comment about if Mikey is home tonight. She fights the urge to flick her friend off before she heads back to sit with Dani. 

Their conversation is nice and polite, but there is intention behind it. She’s listening to Dani talk about her teaching job back in America, but she’s staring at her lips moving. 

Maybe it’s childish of her, but there’s a part of her that wants to drag Dani upstairs just to say “it’s my turn” while she undresses her. Because ever since that afternoon in the closet, nothing she does fills the ache of needing Dani’s touch. Even touching herself has become somewhat of an ache of what she imagines Dani doing when they have time together. 

By the time Dani’s ankle is brushing against her own, she’s already ready to finish her drink and bring Dani upstairs, but she doesn’t want to rush her. Dani makes the decision for her when she quickly finishes her beer. “Jeez, Poppins, we’ve got time,” she teases and it makes Dani blush. 

Grace knows she’s good for it when they sneak out the back to head up to her apartment. 

“Your place is nice,” Dani comments once they’re upstairs. She made sure that everything looks more reasonable. With a 9 year old, the apartment can easily get messy even with her best effort. 

“It’s small, but it makes do for the two of us.”

She hangs up her coat and takes Dani’s from her arms to hang up as well. They kick off their shoes and Dani pulls off her socks, which makes Jamie grin. “We can hang out here or--” she stops speaking because Dani is walking towards her and her hands grab at hers. The moment hangs in the air, ready for the both to take it. 

Dani has made all the moves so far, it’s only fair that Jamie takes the leap this time. She tugs Dani closer and before anything can change, she reaches up and pushes the hair back from Dani’s face. Dani’s looking at her with such care and affection that she can’t help but kiss her. 

Softly at first, while Dani wraps around her. Dani’s hand reaches behind her back and tugs till they’re pressed against each other. Presses them together till Jamie doesn’t know where she ends and Dani begins. Dani’s tongue is in her mouth and she thinks surely this is heaven on earth. 

Surely there isn’t any better feeling than Dani’s hands on her body, greedy and willing. 

It seems like her teasing of Dani has only made her more ready for this moment. Jamie’s the one that moves them towards her bedroom, but its hard when Dani’s hand slips underneath her shirt and she can only focus on Dani’s warm hand on her bare skin. “You can’t fucking imagine,” Jamie mumbles against Dani’s lips, unwilling to be forced away from the lips that have controlled her thoughts for the past few weeks. “You can’t even fucking imagine how much I’ve thought about this.”

Dani’s gaze is down towards her lips when she finally pulls them apart so she can tug Dani by the hand into her small bedroom. “The kid’s got the big room,” she explains to fill the silence between them, but then Dani’s pushing her towards the bed and any other thoughts leave her head. The size of the room, the types of sheets on her bed don’t matter when Dani pushes her onto the bed and straddles her.

She may die from this sight alone. 

Death by Dani Clayton should be written on her tombstone. Death that she’d gladly accept if it came from Dani’s lips meeting her own again and Dani’s hand on her cheek. “I can,” Dani says softly, her thumb running against Jamie’s cheek. 

“Hmm?” Jamie hums out, letting her lips drag down from Dani’s jaw line to the point where she pulls Dani’s hair back so she can press kisses against the soft skin of Dani’s neck. A neck that just begs to be kissed and cherished. Begs for her to worship at Dani’s ulter, begs for her to stay here for the rest of her days, swept up in the affection and heat that comes from Dani. She thinks she could forget Dani’s comment if Dani doesn’t speak again, her hand dug into Dani’s thick hair, tugging just so she can get access to more skin. 

“Imagine how much you’ve thought about this,” she says, but her voice breaks in the middle of the sentence when Jamie sucks against a pulse. “ _Jamie_ ,” she whimpers out and Jamie has to move her hand from Dani’s hair until she can help push Dani’s jumper off her body. The heat in the room is too warm for any clothes to be between the two of them. 

Dani helps pull off her own shirt, letting them re-collide in a kiss that is more gentle and slow than the heated kisses they shared getting into the bedroom. 

She’s been ready to take the lead again in this moment, the moment she’s been thinking about for weeks now, but it’s Dani who unhooks her bra first, driven in this new warmth between them. Dani who unhooks her own bra next, letting them fall to the floor. 

Dani’s grips at her arm, tugging it off the bed and back onto her naked skin. The rush, _thrill_ of the new kissing and new places for mouths and hands return as Dani begins to grind against her lap. She keeps her hand steady against Dani’s lower back, keeping them pressed and Dani steady. 

“Pants off,” Dani pants against her mouth, their breaths intermingled. Jamie smiles as Dani finally opens her eyes and realizes that Jamie can’t just take off her trousers with the state of them currently. 

“You’ll have to get off, love,” Jamie whispers and Dani quickly pulls herself off from Jamie’s lap and there’s suddenly an ache for the weight of Dani. She tugs off her trousers and kicks them towards the dresser. Dani’s trousers take a little more effort, but Jamie sits back and enjoys the sight. 

Enjoys how Dani’s naked thighs come into her view and even though her hand has been between them, she needs to feel how they can quake under her in the bed she’s currently sitting on. Needs to feel how they tremble under her kisses, as she moves for more and more. By the time they’re finally off, she drags her eyes back to Dani’s and sees this sly smile on her face that makes Jamie blush from watching her. 

Dani doesn’t seem to mind as Jamie’s hands dig into Dani’s thighs as Dani pushes her back into the bed until Jamie’s flushed and laying in the bed. Dani has to push her own hair back when she slides next to her, letting them get comfortable in this new position. She wants to whisper that they don’t have to go any further than this when there is a silence that comes with Dani’s hand trailing up and down from her hip to her ribcage. The words almost come out of her mouth before Dani’s hand is brave and grazes against Jamie’s pants. She hesitates and Jamie takes it to pull their mouths back together, letting Dani’s nerves disintegrate at the pull of their tongues pushing into the other mouth. Lets Dani relaxes into her body, feeling the naked skin against skin. 

The next time that Dani’s hands brush against her pants, she’s much more confident in her movements. “I don’t--” Dani says aloud, but her movements have purpose now. 

“You’ll be just fine,” Jamie reassures, reaching up this time to cup at Dani’s face. Her perfect, beautiful face. A face that’s haunted her since she first saw her at the pub. “I’ll let you know if I don’t like anything, promise.” 

This reassures Dani enough that she’s tugging at Jamie’s pants and Jamie lifts up her hips to let it be off and she moves her legs to move them down to her ankles where she kicks them off. Dani’s fingers are gentle as they first stroke her. She’s already aware of how wet she is, but to feel Dani’s fingers slip through her brings it to an entire different level. She aches with want as Dani lets out a small “oh,” like she’s discovered something wonderful between Jamie’s legs. 

Her fingers are soft against her and Jamie arches her hips to gain more traction. Dani’s mouth against her own feels oh so good. The kiss is easy and sloppy as Dani’s fingers take over most of the brain space between the two of them. Jamie feels fingers at her entrance, gently prodding and she takes the moment to drag a hand down Dani’s chest. “Inside is good,” she whispers out with only a small moan at the end when Dani’s thumb runs against her in a way that she hasn’t before. 

Jamie isn’t sure what she expected for the first time with Dani to be like, but Dani’s fingers inside her _before_ Jamie’s touched her are a welcome surprise. 

Moments are short and long at the same time as Dani finds a rhythm with thrusting her fingers into Jamie, an uneven balance of thrusts that Jamie’s body aches to get used to. “There,” she encourages when Dani’s stroked hard enough that she has moaned out in agreement. “Just like that,” she whispers out as Dani smiles down at her and thrusts again. “Again,” she begs out, her hips meeting Dani’s fingers. This time, it’s Dani that has brushed her curls to the side and is pressing hot kisses against her neck. Without a mouth to silence her moans, they echo out into the apartment. The feel of Dani’s tongue against her neck and her fingers _inside_ her ache deep within her. A deep ache that she never knew she truly had before. This overwhelming, all consuming need for Dani’s body weight atop of her, for her fingers thrusting inside of her, for Dani’s mouth hot against her skin. 

A need that had never been filled until this moment, with this person. 

In the rhythm they created together, Dani’s thumb is sturdy against her clit and it’s enough pressure that Jamie’s hips begin to quicken their pace. Dani notices the shift and emerges from her spot in Jamie’s neck. Dani’s flushed when Jamie finally sees her face again. She can’t look at her too long, because Dani’s fingers inside of her arch and her hips lift off the bed with pleasure. “Again,” she repeats her plea and Dani’s mouth is against hers before she can finish the word. 

A curl of fingers and a thumb rubbing against her is all it takes for Jamie to fall apart. Dani’s fingers are still inside of her when she finishes trembling out with a loud moan that she hadn’t even recognized as her own. 

Dani’s fingers finally slip out of her and Jamie aches for their return. Aches to have Dani back _inside_ of her. 

Thinks of dragging the hand back, but she opens her eyes and Dani’s eyes are blown out in lust, looking at Jamie like she’s some precious, beautiful thing. And now all she wants is to make Dani feel the same way. Wants to hear Dani’s cries out into her apartment, knowing what it felt like when Dani orgasmed already, but needed to feel it again, and again, and again. Until Dani pushed her off her, she’d draw out whatever symphonies she could from Dani. 

Make her feel like she did in this very moment. 

So very settled and peaceful. 

Dani’s easy to move, when Jamie runs a hand down her back and uses a push to get Dani’s back against the bed. She goes right for Dani’s pants, looking at Dani for consent before she drags them down the legs of Dani Clayton. Legs that have haunted her dreams. She can’t help but let her hand linger on her leg that she knows she’ll need to kiss at some point in the night. 

She’s pulled back up by Dani’s hands with a “closer, I need you closer.”

It’s an order that she willingly follows. Lets herself be pulled back against naked Dani, keeping them close to each other, no farther than a breath away. 

She’s not as rushed as she was the first time she touched Dani. Doesn’t have to push past pants and arch with elastic leaving a mark on her wrist for about thirty minutes after the whole affair. This time, she gets to be gentle as she spreads Dani’s thighs. Her fingers explore the expanse of exposed thigh, drifting closer and then out again until Dani’s own hand tugs her wrist towards her. The message is clear.

Enough.

Dani wants her to touch her and Jamie can do that. 

Lets her fingers slide against slick heat that she thinks she can feel Dani blush as she strokes against her wetness. It’s all so perfect that she feels her mouth watering at the idea of being between those legs, but that’s for later. For now, she gently strokes two fingers through her folds before entering Dani. Dani’s “ _oh_ ,” is so precious and dear, that it feels almost wrong to be in this moment, but at the same time, it’s the perfect place for it. With Dani beneath her, she can press a kiss that may be too open and sloppy and get to thrust inside of her at the same time. Her pace is more steady, already knowing how much pressure is too much and too slow, and is able to regulate how Dani’s body moves with her own, with the breathless moments she has when Jamie curls her fingers slightly. 

Dani’s so slick and ready that she thinks eventually, perhaps in the future, she could slip another finger inside of her, she clenches at the thought, her own wanton desire already rising back in her chest. 

She pulls away from the kiss to look down at Dani when she finally arches up off the bed with a moan that plays beautifully in her ears. She coaxes trembles from Dani as she lets her strokes continue, letting Dani ride out the orgasm she just had. 

When she finally pulls her fingers from the heat they will now crave forever, Dani pulls her into a kiss, not letting the moment slip away from both of them. She keeps a hand pressed against Dani’s hip as she pulls away. This time it’s for different purposes as she smiles down at Dani. “I can’t wait to taste you,” she says mainly to see the look on Dani’s face. A face that is already flushed and eyes that already black from desire in the dim room. 

“But you just--I just--”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jamie kisses her quiet, letting the slow languid motion calm Dani back down before she presses a final kiss to her lips. 

Her kisses are wet down Dani’s body. Dani’s collarbones are hard to leave, feeling all the parts of her that are so beautiful. Thinks that perhaps she could create art of Dani’s body, because it is the perfect specimen. Sees why poets write about moments like this as she mouths at Dani’s breast, feeling the nipple tighten with teasing. Sees why romance stories are published for moments like these, when heat builds inside of your chest at the thought of your _lover_ near you. 

She kisses down past her navel, letting herself suck against Dani’s hip and then slips down further in the bed, letting herself get comfortable as she spreads Dani’s thighs apart with greedy hands. She looks up at Dani before she presses another hot kiss against Dani’s thigh. Their eyes connect over Dani’s heavy moving chest, her hands are wrapped against bedsheets. 

When she finally slips her tongue against Dani’s wet center, she aches. Aches with need and pleasure as Dani’s hand quickly fixates itself in Jamie’s curls. Feels the tug of Dani’s fingers as Jamie continues to prod and let herself be enveloped by everything that is Dani Clayton. 

Sense of self and time become irrelevant as she feels Dani’s wetness on her cheeks and chin. She was created for this purpose alone, she thinks after. She was created to have Dani’s thighs clamp around her head and with Dani’s hips needing to be held down by her arm, to keep from jumping off the bed. 

The first orgasm comes faster than she’d like, because she needs more time down here, needs to explore her further, feel how her tongue is meant to be. She keeps her arm pressing on Dani’s hips as she doesn’t stop her pace, dragging the first orgasm out until Dani’s shaking again in need. “ _Jamie_ ,” she cries out as Jamie experiments how to get her to say her name again. Explores what makes Dani’s hips attempt to arch off the bed, what gets her to moan aloud in a way that should be criminal. 

It’s after the second that Dani’s hands drag her back up her bed, until she’s laying atop of her again. Dani doesn’t even hesitate before bringing their mouths together in a sloppy kiss. 

“Thank you,” Dani whispers out, once Jamie’s tugged her against her, curled around each other underneath the blankets. She doesn’t understand, there’s _nothing_ that Jamie’s done that deserves a thank you. But Dani says it with a wobbling voice that Jamie doesn’t respond in any teasing way. Instead she presses a chaste kiss against her forehead. 

Dreams overtake her soon after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm stressed over georgia and this fell out of my head. the latest comments have been so lovely and i appreciate all of them. i'm considering doing a dani POV of this. anyone interested?
> 
> comments make me smile and want to write <3
> 
> PS- my soulmates!au is going to be finished this week for anyone who's waiting!


	7. they count me out (time and time again)

A place in her chest aches when she saw Dani the next morning coming out of her bedroom with one of her shirts on. Somehow it felt different, but not like a oh. Not like an aha moment. It wasn’t something new, per say. 

But more like a  _ finally _ . 

Finally. 

Something that has been missing in her life is there now that she never knew she was missing. There wasn’t a need to create room for Dani in her world, it just happened naturally. Just like she had always meant to be there. With her. 

“My cooking’s shite,” Jamie warned as Dani found herself a space on the table. “Tea’s decent though,” she adds while she walks over to the tea kettle and pours out a brew for Dani. 

Dani says a small thank you before taking the cup in her hands and curling herself in on her chair. 

“Eggs?” She asks as she retreats back to the stovetop that she’s been frying an egg for herself on just moments before. “I suppose I got waffles left over from Mikey, just know they’re toaster waffles.”

“Eggs would be nice,” Dani responds. 

“What way?” 

“Scrambled.”

Jamie hums out while she finishes frying her egg and then cracks two eggs into the pan, scrambling them while they’re already cooking. Owen would be ashamed of her for it, but this was her kitchen and she didn’t have the skills that he had. Easy silence crept over the two of them as Jamie finishes cooking and Dani sits enjoying her tea. 

“What time do you have to be back?” Jamie asks once she’s situated across from Dani and their plates are in front of them. 

“Oh no, what time is it?” Dani asks, looking around the small kitchen to see if there is a clock on the wall. 

Jamie turns her head to see. “Only 8.”

The anxiety drifts out of Dani quickly. “I’ve never… I never slept 

“I’ll take the compliment.”

“ _ Jamie _ ,” Dani responds, her face becoming a lovely blush. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Jamie just smiles into her fork as she eats her food, Dani smiles too and it’s the best part of her morning. “We’ll head back there in a bit, thought breakfast was a good start to the day.” Dani’s nose crinkles as she takes the next bite of her eggs. “Warned you I was shite at it.”

“No, it’s fine, just… I’ve been spoiled with Owen’s cooking.”

They all were, half the time Miles wanted to wait to eat with the kids in the morning. It didn’t hurt Jamie’s feelings in the slightest, saved her time as well. Without Owen, they’d both eat the worst of the worse. Jamie knew she’d make it better than growing up, because at least Jamie wanted to feed him. It wasn’t a chore or something she forgot. No, each day, she made sure he ate. He’d never go hungry, not like her. 

“The place is nice,” Dani says with half a fork still in her mouth. “I meant it last night.”

Jamie smiles at the thought of last night playing in her mind. How Dani had made the same compliment before Jamie had tugged her into her bedroom. Thought of the things that happened in the bedroom after that and she felt a hunger for something other than her eggs arise. Now all she can see is Dani’s lips while she watches her eat. 

“We could, um, we could stick around for a bit,” Dani says, pushing the plate away from herself after a few bites that Jamie is sure for her sake alone. Eggs were probably a bad idea anyway, even Mikey didn’t eat them. 

Dani’s eyes flicker past her shoulder towards her bedroom and Jamie gets the hint easily, wants it just as much. “Don’t think they’d miss us for a bit, yet.” 

Dani nods quickly, uncurling herself from the chair and Jamie was struck with how gorgeous she was. Her hair was a bit of a mess from their activities last night, but still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. They stand up at almost the same time, breakfast on the table forgotten about. 

By the time Jamie’s tugged Dani back towards the bedroom, Dani is giggling and Jamie  _ loves _ it. 

* * *

The air is different in the morning after when they finally make their way into Jamie’s bed. Jamie lets her hands wander up Dani’s back, feeling the cotton against her hands as she tries to touch Dani. 

Dani’s the one to kiss her first once they reach her bedroom. Jamie closes the door behind them out of habit, knowing nobody will walk in on them. Dani’s hands are tugging at her pajamas. She likes this side of Dani, a lot. If she has nerves, she doesn’t clearly show them. Instead, she’s eager. Eager and that’s so exhilarating. Her hands make their way underneath the t-shirt Dani has thrown on, getting to touch the skin hidden. 

Skin that she so desperately wants to have her hands on. 

Her nails scratch down her back, not enough to hurt, but enough to have Dani’s body press against hers with an  _ oh _ . Jamie smiles into the kiss, noting anything she finds useful in making Dani make  _ those _ noises.

“Could you-- could we…” Dani trails off, her face blushed in a way that Jamie has to smile. “Could you do  _ that _ again?” she asks softly, her gaze doesn’t meet her eye, instead they are looking down at her mouth. 

Jamie cocks her head to the side. “What exactly?” she teases, taking her hand up to push Dani’s mane of hair aside, so she can see her more clearly. 

“ _ You know _ ,” she whispers, her eyes closing, leaning into the touch of Jamie’s hand on her neck. 

“Want my mouth, then?” she asks and it comes out more crude than she intended. 

Dani nods, her gaze connecting with Jamie’s finally. “I’m not, I didn’t know it could be like that.” Jamie takes her time, letting her fingers strum against Dani’s naked thigh. She knows that this is something Dani wants to say. And Jamie wants to hear her. Hear everything she can about this beautiful woman in front of her. “I mean, before, I thought--I thought I couldn’t, with someone else.”

“Surely, he wasn’t as pretty as I am,” Jamie says after a moment of silence and Dani lets out a laugh. 

“He wasn’t,” she agrees and Jamie takes the time to cup Dani’s face and kiss her slowly. Her fingers stay lingering on her naked thigh, but lets her be pulled into the lull of Dani’s kiss. The ex stuff they’d need to work through more, so that Jamie could understand. She so desperately wants to understand every inch of Dani’s life. Wants to know every little detail. 

It’s when Dani’s kisses get a little more desperate and her hands are tugging on Jamie that she finally makes her move. The bed is a mess underneath them, but it doesn’t matter for the task at hand. They maneuver around, breaking apart, breathing both heavy. She drags Dani’s pants off her legs and begins her ascent up her body. The daylight from the window paints such a gorgeous view in front of her. 

Daylight has never seemed so beautiful before she thinks as she kisses up Dani’s leg, lingering once she reaches the vastness of her inner thigh. 

Dani’s moans are loud when she finally brings her tongue against her. She can’t help but smirk to herself when she first feels how wet Dani is. She reaches up with her fingers and spreads it around, still giving her mouth plenty of room to move and roam. Dani hooks her thigh over Jamie’s shoulder, keeping her close. 

She thinks she can feel Dani’s heartbeat against her tongue as she takes her time, letting Dani’s body relax into her touch and her mouth.

Her minds drift away as her tongue moves and she brings up an arm to wrap around Dani’s thigh, pulling them closer together. All her thoughts become about the woman in front of her. 

She’ll worship Dani if it means that Dani grinds against her with those breathless noises she’s making. Worship at the altar that is Dani Clayton.

* * *

Another drink was something they mutually agreed to afterwards on their drive back to the manor. Jamie had goosebumps by the way Dani linked their hands together just for a few moments on the car ride over. Because even though they had just spent the night together (and the morning), it still felt new and fresh and oh, so wonderful. 

Jamie would make sure Mikey was okay staying home alone for a few hours one of the days Dani was off. That’s when she could take her to the diner down the street from her apartment and spend more time with her. 

All she wants is to spend all her time with her, a life that could have been if she didn’t have Mikey taking up a lot of her time. But Dani didn’t mind when Jamie had set some boundaries about what to tell Mikey and such. 

Not that she was ashamed, she reassured Dani with kisses in bed, but just so that they had more time together before bringing the kid in on it fully. Jamie had to put her mom cap on because he was so important in her life and she wouldn’t have his childhood filled with uncertainty like hers had been. Even though she knew this was different, even though she knew Dani was different. 

Owen was relentless the first day back on the grounds after her date with Dani. Always poking and prodding when the kids were out of sight. Hannah wasn’t much better, with her smiles and teasing. Jamie knew it affected Dani a bit more than her. She was used to the two of them and their antics. 

Even though it felt like  _ everything _ had changed, not much did at the house. Jamie still worked through the day and spent an hour, or so, after lunch chatting with Dani. Still spent her time keeping up everything on the grounds and planting new flowers. It was the midst of a hot summer, which resulted in her spending more and more time watering and tending to all the living things. Some days, Mikey would come bring her some lemonade that she knew came from Dani instead of her kid. 

For the first week, Mikey had been almost afraid to ask her about what happened between her and Dani. Jamie was still anxious to really tell him. Tell him and let him know that his mum wasn’t quite like all the other mums. She already knew Mikey got enough shite about her being a single mum and not having a dad. She didn’t want to push more on the kid as it was. 

Plus, the fear of rejection rang loud in her ears. Rings of being called  _ dyke _ in her high school hallways because she never had a boyfriend, nor any interest in one. Didn’t help that Denny was helping spread the rumors around school, that fucker that she hopes to never see again. By the time she was out of jail, she had built up a guard around herself. Nothing phased her as much anymore, because she didn’t let any of them in. Even when the mums would whisper about her, it didn’t hurt Jamie’s feelings in the least. 

The week passes quickly before Jamie and Dani can ever really come up with a plan for another night out, for just the two of them. It wasn’t like they didn’t spend enough time together as it was, but Jamie wanted to take Dani out. Wanted to have moments that were just between the two of them without having to worry about the kids listening in or Owen and Hannah’s remarks. 

“Blimey, kid, watch out,” Jamie says as Mikey tears past her to his bedroom. 

The apartment feels empty somehow. 

Even though her and Mikey fill the small space up. 

But, she’s seen how the apartment looks with Dani in it. With Dani in her bed. In her kitchen, in her living room. Spaces that could be Dani’s came up more and more. 

An empty mess that she thinks she would like to invite Dani into. 

* * *

“How do you even tell a kid you’re dating someone?” Jamie asks Dani one day after lunch. Dani sits across from her, taking a drink of her tea with a smile she thinks she’s hiding.

Jamie doesn’t know how to tell him, but she knows she needs to. This thing she’s building with Dani, couldn’t be kept in the cupboard anymore. Not after their dinners together and the stolen moments outside between the two of them. Jamie ends up staying later in the evenings until she and Mikey have to get ready for bed and begrudgingly make their way back to the apartment. 

She promised the kid that she’d let him know if it was anything serious and now it was. Because even after only a few real dates between the two of them, Jamie doesn’t want to picture her life without the au pair. 

“Dating?” Dani asks with a smile she doesn’t even try to hide this time. 

“I reckon that’s what we’ve been doing, Poppins.”

It would be easy to fall into these lighter conversations with Dani, easy to remember how it feels to be so enamoured by someone else. She slips into this headspace more and more often around Dani. Thinks about her almost all the time while she’s working. 

“I just--I don’t want to fuck something up, alright?” 

Words she’s thought of still didn’t feel right against her tongue. 

She wants to be the most authentic she can be with the kid,  _ her _ kid. They’ve been making decisions together since he was 4 years old. If he didn’t like her dating Dani, she couldn’t bear to think of that. Deep down, she knows he’ll be happy. Knows he already knows that there’s something more. Him and Flora, the gossips that they are, have been talking to Hannah about these things already. 

“I can’t tell you what to say, but, uh, I can say that saying nothing hurts more,” Dani says softly and Jamie watches her with apt attention. “When my mom would start dating, after my dad died, she didn’t tell me anything. It would have been nice to know if someone was spending the night that I didn’t know.”

Jamie can relate. She understands the unknowing when your mum brings someone home for the evening and you’re sitting eating cereal when a strange man comes out of her bedroom. It sucks and makes her skin crawl just thinking about it. “You’re right,” Jamie admits. “You’re right. I need to tell him. Can’t have you sneaking in and out of the apartment, it’s small enough as it is.” 

Dani’s eyes dip down to her tea, then back up at Jamie and her face is flushed and there’s a smile on her face that she’s trying to hide, sucking her lips over her teeth, but the smile is there and it’s beautiful. 

* * *

She decides on talking to him one night after work. On a night that they don’t go to the manor the next day. On a night where the next day is off for the both of them. She wants to give them some space to talk, without anyone else listening in or having to put on a brave face the next morning if things go bad. 

Dani has been sweet through the entire thing, a kiss exchanged between the two of them in the greenhouse before it was time to leave. 

Now it was just her and her kid. 

“C’mere, Mikey,” Jamie calls out in the living room, settling onto the couch to watch something on the telly before going to bed. He’s already gotten ready for bed by the time he comes out, in a pair of pajamas that she probably needs to replace. She didn’t realize how quick he was growing until the other day he was only a head shorter than her. 

_ You’re gonna be taller than me soon, jeez. _ She had said when she noticed and he had beamed at her, happy to surpass her height. Each day, he seems to grow up more and more. She wishes to keep him bottled up, not leaving this childhood bubble where she feels like she can protect him. 

“Got to talk to you.” Mikey sinks down on the couch next to her, looking pensive. “You haven’t done anything wrong, don’t you worry.”

This seems to relieve some of the pressure and nervousness that comes from his intent gaze at her. She feels her chest get a bit heavy, while she tries to keep calm.

Why is she nervous? This is her kid, and her kid is  _ good _ . He’s  _ good _ . 

“Alright, so, you know we talked about me going out to the pub with Dani a few weeks ago, right?”

He nods, his gaze still intently on her. 

“And I told you that I’d let you know if I was dating her. So, I’m letting you know.” His gaze stays on her, but he says nothing. Once she said it, it lost its nervous power over her. Because it wasn’t actually that scary telling Mikey about it. 

If anything, it made it better. Because now it was real. Before, it had been between the two of them alone. Just the two of them, sneaking in moments without the kids noticing. Now, it was real. Real because the next time they saw Dani, Mikey would know they were dating. It was a new territory for the both of them. She’s never introduced him to someone she was dating before, let alone have that woman being his tutor over the summer and his obsession at the start of the summer. 

“What are you thinking?” she finally asks after it becomes clear that he’s not going to speak before she does. Even though she knows he’s good and won’t care, she still needs to know that he’s okay with this. 

Mikey just shrugs with a quick “Flora and I already knew.” She laughs because of course they did. Those two with their gossip and all knowing. 

“It won’t change anything between the two of us, you know that right?” 

Mikey nods in agreement. “Can I tell Flora?” 

The question is so innocent and quiet. A request to share this new information with his favorite friend. They’d only grown closer over the summer when he was at the manor all the time. She didn’t want to think about him starting back up school in a few weeks. Miles would be trying another boarding school in the fall. Flora was still too young, Hannah had told her over a brew. Henry still needed them on for Flora. Hannah was very kind to share this meant Dani would be kept until at least Christmas, if she was willing. When she had asked Dani about it, she had said she planned on sticking around a bit longer. 

“Yeah, I reckon the secret will be out.” Even though Mikey asked, she knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep it from Flora. She’d know he was keeping something from her right away, he couldn’t lie. 

“Can I have some ice cream?”

The subject change is so easy and so Mikey. Jamie smiles and nods. “Ice cream sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delete, i had to fix something and my phone wouldn't let me, so i had to delete and then get on my laptop. comments have been so lovely, thank you for everyone who leaves one. they make my day each one i get, even if they're on old chapters. 
> 
> i'm planning this having 1-2 more chapters with an epilogue because my mind can't get rid of something, then possibly a dani pov in a shorter fic. 
> 
> thanks for the love! comments are the best, again.


	8. just so pretty to think

It’s the middle of summer and unbearably hot outside. Jamie’s not one to be beaten by heat often, but it happens when it’s so bloody hot. Even the kids spend less time outside in the middle of the day. She’s left very much alone to sweat out any sin she’s ever carried. 

Mikey didn’t seem to change any of his behavior knowing that Dani was now dating his mum. He had barely asked any questions about the whole thing. 

Flora, on the other hand, had  _ many _ questions. Questions that Jamie was glad that she wasn’t the one being asked. Poor Dani had to field all sorts of questions from the girl about what dating meant, when it was so evidently clear, she said, that they were perfectly splendid. 

While Dani got to field Flora’s questions, Jamie was on the receiving end of endless teasing from Hannah and Owen. Both of them with their knowing smirks. She counters back about their own will they won’t they  _ thing _ they have going on. 

Hannah’s incredibly understanding, saying “happy for you, love,” when she finally tells her about the two of them officially. Now that Mikey knows they’re dating, everyone might as well will know. One night, Hannah offers to watch the kids for the evening, so that they all three can spend time alone with each other. 

Mikey is ecstatic about the fact that Dani’s coming over to his house. He makes sure to clean his bedroom, which Jamie loves because it’s one less thing she has to nag him about. She knows the evening is not all about her, so it shouldn’t send a ping of want in her heart when Dani is dragged around the apartment with Mikey. Mikey may not realize that Dani’s already had a tour of the place on nights she’s stayed over. 

Now she has to share the two of them with each other, a strange feeling she finds within herself. Even though he spends all day with Dani, it’s strange having them spend time together at her home with her around. A new dynamic that is being created between the three of them. A dynamic that Jamie hopes to keep for a very long time. 

Jamie’s looking through the refrigerator when they finally find themselves all back together. “Mum, Dani says my room is great!” He’s excited and rushes over to her, watching her looking into the fridge. “Oh, mum. Please no cooking.”

“Dani likes my cooking, I’ll have you know,” Jamie frowns at the insinuation that is completely true. But she’ll not have her boy pointing it out in front of Dani. 

Mikey looks like she’s just said something absolutely mental. “That’s a lie, Mum.”

“It wasn’t  _ that _ bad,” Dani pipes up from the kitchen chair she’s sitting in. 

Jamie pretends to startle, “my fucking heart,” she mutters as she opens a draw to the take out places around. 

“You fancy some Indian?” Jamie asks, passing by Mikey with a quick flick of her hand in his curls. 

* * *

“Can I call you Dani now?” Mikey asks as he shoves food into his mouth. He never eats like this with the other kids, but at home, he’s a mess of a kid. 

Dani glances over at Jamie and she just shrugs. It’s up to her what she wants Mikey to call her. She won’t force him to call her Miss Clayton while Jamie is dating her, at least not in her house. 

“I think here that would be fine,” Dani says with a smile and Mikey smiles right back at her. “But with the other kids, Miss Clayton is the best bet.”

Jamie watches as the two continue to talk about everything and anything, Mikey leading the conversation. He doesn’t get Dani’s complete attention when he’s following her around during the day. Here, he’s eating it all up. 

Dinner goes by quickly and Jamie cleans up while Mikey shows Dani some of the new moves he’s been practicing at night with his football. 

“He plays soccer?” Dani asks as she watches Mikey kick the ball back and forth in the living room. 

Jamie shakes her head quickly, no soccer talk in her house. “It’s football,” Jamie says as she scoots closer to Dani on the couch, bringing her leg up on the couch, just barely touching Dani’s leg in the process. “And yeah, kid loves it. Neither Flora or Miles likes it, so he’ll be excited when it starts back up in a month.”

“Sorry, I forgot,” she says softly. It’s a quiet moment between the two of them before Dani shifts her leg so that they’re touching. 

Even the simple touch of their legs has Jamie’s head going wild. She’s forgotten that with the kid around, it’ll have to be little touches like this, not making out on the same couch that they were sitting on now. She’ll take what she can get as Dani’s leg keeps a soft presence against her own. Such a simple gesture has Jamie’s heart pounding in her chest. 

“Alright, kid,” Jamie finally says as Mikey bangs the ball against the wall. “Bed time.”

Mikey whines as he turns around. “ _ Mum _ ,” he says with a pout. “You and  _ Dani _ aren’t going to bed.”

“We might be,” Jamie responds and Dani blushes at the implication. “But we’re adults and you’re a kid. You know the rules.” 

He mutters out a  _ fine _ as he grabs his ball and makes his way to his room. Jamie takes the moment of silence to look over at Dani, Dani who is smiling and Jamie can’t help but smile herself. 

Once Jamie’s back from tucking Mikey in, she goes back to the living room where Dani’s still sitting on the couch, having picked up one of Jamie’s books that she’s left on the table. 

“It’s weird having you here and the kid,” Jamie notes as she takes a seat next to Dani. This time, she lets herself be pushed closer to her, their legs easily tangling with each other. 

“It’s nice to see you and him. He acts differently here.”

“Really?” Jamie asks, sinking deeper into the couch by scooting forward on the couch. 

“Yeah, he’s happier here,” Dani says. “Not that he’s not happy with the kids, but he’s always happier when he’s around you.”

Jamie doesn’t know if she totally believes Dani, because she sees how excited he is to go in the mornings. “He’s a good kid,” Jamie finally says. “I’ve got nothing to do with that.”

“No, no, you’re a great mom,” Dani assures her, reaching over to grab Jamie’s hand. “My mom was it for me most of my life. After my dad died… she changed. I was never so happy to be around her like he’s to be around you.”

Jamie nods her head, she knows what it’s like not to have a parent around. “My dad was never home, but neither was my mum. Then when she finally left, I haven’t heard from her since.”

Dani keeps her gaze on her and Jamie feels herself heating under the gaze. “She never asked about…” Dani’s voice drags off and Jamie shakes her head, knowing where the comment was going to. 

“Never, don’t even think she knows I got him now. Don’t think she’d care if she knew either, didn’t care about any of us in the end.”

“Jamie,” Dani says and squeezes her head, but Jamie is fine with it all. She’s worked past this with therapy and the years of scar tissue she’s created around her heart when it comes to her parents. 

“Dad tried to call me, once. I didn’t know what to tell him, didn’t want him thinking about Mikey, since he wasn’t his, really. So I didn’t answer, not any of the calls. It took a week or so, but he stopped calling.”

“Mikey’s lucky to have you.” 

Jamie scoffs, a smile coming onto her face. No matter what, Mikey always brings a smile to her face when he’s mentioned. Because he is her’s. “I’m the lucky one.” 

* * *

“Bed?” Jamie asks after another hour or so on the couch. It’s 9, not too early, but they’ll both get up early in the morning so Dani’s back before the kids wake up. She untangles their legs and reaches a hand out to help pull Dani from the grip of the couch. 

They both get ready in the dim room, still nervous about changing right out in the open with each other. Dani has half a draw where she’s left over some clothes and pajamas. Jamie’s offered to let her share her own, but there’s something so precious about Dani having a drawer in her house. Makes it feel more permanent and real. 

When they’re both done changing, Jamie makes sure to lock the door and crawls into bed near Dani. It’s easy to get lost in the gravity of Dani. Gravity that pulls her in, until she’s kissing her and trying to get closer and closer to her. 

Dani pulls away, glancing at the door. “I locked it,” Jamie responds, her hand gripping at Dani’s hip.

Dani giggles as Jamie presses a series of kisses against her neck and top of her chest, taking advantage of the open skin that is available with Dani’s nightgown on. “But he’s still right there,” she says, but her actions are anything but a push away. Jamie’s leg has slipped between her thighs, straddling one. Dani’s leg hooks around her calf, keeping them pulled in together. 

“You’ll have to be quiet then,” Jamie just says, continuing her journey from Dani’s collarbone up to her mouth. Her hand slips down grabbing the nightgown in her hand, pulling it up so she can have more free skin to press her fingers into. She grabs at Dani’s bare ass and Dani arches into the kiss. “You can be quiet, can’t you?” Jamie asks, pulling back just ever so slightly and Dani bumps against her nods with her enthusiastic nod. 

They have to be quiet, so Jamie keeps their mouths pressed against each other’s as she tugs Dani’s nightgown up further, so she can slip her hand onto Dani’s soft stomach, letting her fingers tease at the hem of Dani’s pants. 

Dani’s hips arch up against her and Jamie smiles into the kiss. Greedy, she thinks as she moves her hand up, underneath Dani’s nightgown. There’s something about doing this with Dani still dressed that has her hands moving with purpose up to touch Dani’s chest. 

She pulls away only for a moment, pushing Dani’s hair out of her face. Afterwards, she splays her hand against Dani’s breast, her own center clenches with want as she feels Dani’s nipple against her thumb. Dani moans and Jamie quickly connects their mouths again. 

“I need a TV in here,” she mutters with a smile, Dani’s face is flushed with desire and Jamie loves it. Loves how vibrant and wanting Dani is in bed. Loves how Dani’s hand tugs hers back down to her pants, without words telling Jamie what she wants. No teasing then tonight, she thinks as she pulls down Dani’s pants as far as she can without disconnecting their bodies from each other. Dani unhooks her leg from Jamie’s calf and shuffles her legs so the pants get shifted down enough for her to kick them off. “Impressive,” she says against Dani’s mouth as she kisses her again. 

Dani moans softly against her mouth when Jamie’s fingers finally drag through the wetness between her legs. Jamie hushes her softly, aptly aware of how loud they could be without Mikey knocking on their door wondering what happened. They both would die of embarrassment if that happened. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Jamie says, pulling back to watch the look on Dani’s face as she slowly enters her with two fingers. She’s wet enough that Jamie takes a gamble on how many fingers. Dani’s face makes her glad she did, her mouth open slightly in an oh, her eyes clenched shut. It’s enough to make Jamie grind against Dani’s thigh as she thrusts back up into her. Thinks of the shoebox in her closet that contains her strap-on and wonders if she can ask Dani if she’ll let her use it. She hasn’t used it since before she was a mum. Before prison with anyone she cared about.

Dani’s hips move on their own as her fingers stall while she thinks about the idea of  _ fucking _ Dani Clayton. 

“More,” Dani whispers out and Jamie complies. Lets her fingers curl within Dani , pushing in and out faster than she had before, needing to see Dani orgasm now. The image of taking Dani with the strap on has her almost coming herself just by her grind on Dani’s hips. 

Dani’s whimpers get louder, so Jamie brings her free hand up and presses against Dani’s mouth. Dani’s eyes open and they are almost pitch black. “Quiet, love,” she reminds and Dani’s mouth opens against her hand, her noises quieted by the hand in front of her mouth. She continues her thrusts and she shakes with her own orgasm when Dani bites at her palm. Her fingers are clumsy as she continues to press through her orgasm, wanting to send Dani over the edge. 

Even with the clumsy fingers, Dani reaches her peak soon after, shaking against the bed almost violently. 

Jamie falls atop of her, her fingers only slipping out after she’s taken a few deep breaths herself. Her hand has fallen away from Dani’s mouth and Dani pants along with her. “Did you?” Dani whispers once Jamie can push up again. 

She moans and drops her head onto Dani’s collarbone. “I did,” she whispers, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Even though she knows she shouldn't be, it’s like she’s a teenage boy. 

Dani’s hands come up and run gently against Jamie’s back. Jamie lets herself relax against Dani. She still clenches with want as Dani’s hand pushes back her curls before they can kiss again. Dani moves on the bed until Jamie’s the one underneath her. Dani pulls her hair back before kissing her again. “Can I…” Dani trails off, her eyes drifting down Jamie’s shirt. 

Jamie doesn’t know what Dani is thinking, but she nods. Whatever Dani gives her, she’ll take. Whatever Dani wants to try, she will try. 

Dani sits up in the bed and Jamie pushes herself onto her forearms to watch as she pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “I’ve never…” she explains before she comes back down to kiss her. Dani’s hands tug at her shorts and pull them down with her pants as well. Jamie aches as Dani’s hands as she presses against her hips, keeping them from arching off the bed. “So tell me if I’m not, if I’m doing it wrong.”

Jamie shakes her head, seeing where this is going. She knows she won’t last long if Dani’s  _ mouth _ is against. “No wrong way, but I’ll tell ya if I don’t like something.”

Dani nods, her face is still flushed and Jamie has half a mind to pull her back into a kiss to get the nervous look off her face. She thinks of saying it’s not scary, but Dani’s already moving down the bed, spreading her thighs open. Even though the house is warm, possibly too warm, the air feels cold against her thighs and center. 

Dani takes her time, spreading her open, using fingers that only weeks ago had been so unpolished and unknowing. This time they’re only a little shaky as she spreads her out, and runs her fingers through the wetness that has pooled between her legs. She closes her eyes when she feels Dani’s warm breathe against her. 

It lasts only for a moment before her eyes are wide open again as Dani’s mouth is pressed against her. She brings her own hand up to bite down on to keep from crying out. Dani’s mouth is not steady against her, but it’s enough that Jamie can grind down against it. 

It doesn’t matter that Dani’s mouth and  _ tongue _ are inexperienced, because Jamie’s already so close to the edge, every single touch causes her to bite down harder against her palm. 

She isn’t sure if seconds or minutes pass by before Dani’s tongue flicks up and presses against her clit. 

She isn’t sure if she doesn’t come ridiculously fast after Dani brings her fingers up and thrusts into her. Even with her body shaking, Dani doesn’t slow down and Jamie has to reach downward and tug up on Dani’s hand, pulling her mouth off her. “Too much,” she whimpers out, pulling Dani up and atop of her. The weight of Dani atop of her has her shakes dying down as Dani presses a wet kiss against her lips. She doesn’t care that she can taste herself against Dani’s lips, but there is this intense need to connect the two together. It’s something new that Jamie feels deep in her chest as Dani’s hand pushes back hair from her face. 

“Fucking hell.” 

When she opens her eyes, Dani is smiling down at her. “Can I try again?” she asks and Jamie groans. Dani will be the death of her.

* * *

The summer ends when Mikey has to go back to school. 

She hadn’t realized the time had flown by so quickly, but soon enough, he’s off on the school bus and she goes to work alone. Flora and Miles are going off to boarding school soon, as well. It’ll be the first time for Flora and Jamie is nervous for her. For her and Miles both. They never seemed to do good away from each other or the house. Mikey’s already upset by the fact his best friend will be gone. She doesn’t think he’ll really understand what it means until she’s gone. They’re closer now than they were at the beginning of summer. Always attached at the hip, laughing and playing together. She knows it’ll be hard once they’re separated. Especially for months until the winter term is over and they come back to the manor. 

Not to mention, it’s leaving Dani in the wind. 

Dani who’s become a fixture in her life and who might not be  _ here _ anymore. She knows they’ll have to talk about it soon, but she doesn’t want to burst the bubble they live in. Not yet, at least. So they move on with their lives, waiting for the day where they have to talk about what comes next for them. 

After a week, Mikey’s back to being excited about going to school. He had missed his school friends and likes his new teacher, even. Although he makes sure to tell Dani that she’s not as good as she is. Dani smiles and pulls the kid into a hug. 

Jamie’s heart flutters at the interaction. 

She’s never wanted to share Mikey. Never wanted him to love anyone like he loves her, so she’s kept him close and others far away. But with Dani, she doesn’t feel like she’s sharing him in a bad way. It’s in the best way possible, something that Mikey and Dani have grown themselves without Jamie’s interference. She no longer feels afraid that he’ll like Dani more than her. Hell, she likes Dani more than herself. 

Dani has made herself a home in their hearts. Jamie doesn’t know if they could survive without her. 

It’s a Friday night when they finally discuss what is happening. It was nice pushing it back, but the conversation needs to happen. Because it’s only two weeks before the kids go off to school and Dani’s duties aren’t required anymore. Mikey already asked her what Dani was going to do once Flora and Miles were gone. They are tucked close together on the couch, watching some terrible movie in the background. Mikey already has gone to sleep, no complaints since he was excited for the weekend when he could spend all day with Flora. 

“We’re going to have to talk about it, you know,” Dani finally says, turning slightly on the couch so they can be facing each other. 

“What?” 

“About this fall. We have to talk about it. What’s going to happen to me. To us.”

Dani’s hands reach out and they link together with Jamie’s, squeezing lightly. “Soon Flora and Miles will be at boarding school. Mr. Wingrave told me my services won’t be needed, unless I’d like to come back next summer.”

“Fucking twat,” she says under her breathe. Of course he calls her, but won’t answer any of her phone calls. 

Dani continues to look at her and Jamie straightens up, realizing that they actually do have to talk about it. “What are you going to do?” she asks because it’s not her decision. 

“I have a house, back in the states. I haven’t sold it yet, not after he died,” she says and Jamie nods. They’ve not talked about her fiancé yet, Jamie knows she needs time and she’s more than willing to let her forget about him and him  _ dying _ until she wants to talk about it. 

“So, you’re going back?” she says deadpan, a fear of abandonment rising in her chest. “Back to America?”

“ _ No _ !” Dani says loudly. “Not if.. Not if  _ we’re _ here. Not if you are here. Both of you,” she says and Jamie’s heart now aches with something other than abandonment, but something like love, something she hasn’t really experienced yet. Because Dani’s thinking of her, of  _ them _ . Both her and Mikey. 

“I mean, you could…” Jamie trails off, her gaze down at their intertwined hands. “It’s rather small, but you're already here most the time."

When she finally looks up, Dani is smiling at her with the soft smile that she loves so much. “Are you sure?” she asks, her eyebrows crinkling together, looking quite serious. 

“Ay, Poppins. You already fit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is delayed because i've been having really bad imposter syndrome with writing. :( hopefully this is good, i tried hard to get it out and let my mind run a bit in it. i've laid the grounds for the last chapter and then the epilogue. 
> 
> honestly, comments are my best motivator. everyone who has commented THANK YOU. i appreciate more than i can say. they were the only thing that got me through writing this chapter.


	9. putting roots in my dreamland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, when I was your age, I had a best friend. One like you and Flora,” Dani starts, sinking onto her knees in front of Mikey and Jamie. 
> 
> Jamie stays quiet as Mikey turns and faces Dani, his hand coming to wipe off tears from his cheeks.

Mikey was ecstatic at first when he learned that Dani was going to move into their flat. It seems to lessen his worry about Flora going away for the first time. The excitement helps ease the nervousness of his best friend moving away. 

Jamie made sure to lay down ground rules with him, and Dani too. 

It was her first time actually  _ living _ with someone else since her time locked up. Let alone as a girlfriend. But the other option was a non-starter. No, Jamie didn’t know if she or Mikey could handle Dani moving back to America. Especially after all summer spending time with her and yes, deep in Jamie’s heart, she knew that she loved her. 

Actual love. 

Something that was new and scary, so she holds it tight in her chest, unwilling to let the words out. 

She’s never felt like that before with anyone, this all consuming attraction, and admiration and adoring. 

Nobody else had gotten so close to her heart, besides Mikey.

And she knew that Mikey had fallen in love in his own way. A way for another parental figure in his life that was there for him, no matter what. Because Dani took extra care around Mikey, she made sure he was alright with them living together as well. It made her heart flutter to watch them interact. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever get used to it. 

The actual move-in day isn’t as stressful as she feared. Dani didn’t have anything but clothes and some personal items that she had brought over to England. Jamie hadn’t needed to move stuff around her kitchen or living room. The only place she had to change was her bedroom. One place that was a little more intimate and personal. Dani has been in the space before, of course. This felt different, like a layer of Jamie was being peeled back to show Dani more of herself. She had emptied a few drawers, stuffing her things together and emptied space in her closet for Dani’s things. 

She wasn’t sure if she had made enough room, so she hung by the door nervously when Dani finally brought her stuff over. She watches as Dani opens up the drawers and closet, hoping that it’s alright and she’s done enough. Enough to show Dani that there was space to her to fit. 

Jamie wasn’t a liar, Dani fit, even if it was a little snug in the two bedroom flat. 

She’s not sure what Dani’s going to say when she turns around to look with her with something like tears in her eyes. She braces herself for the impact. 

“You made space,” Dani says like it’s some big deal. Like Jamie did something more than the bare minimum. 

Of course she had. 

There was space for her. 

“Yeah, Poppins, couldn’t have you livin’ out of a bag, could I?” 

* * *

Their first fight goes like this. 

Dani has settled into the new normal, spending her days wandering around Bly. She’s taken to looking in the paper for tutoring jobs to help fill her time. Jamie still goes to the manor early each morning and works to keep everything looking and working the way it should be. 

Everything feels different now. 

Mikey goes home after school now, spending time with Dani more so than he does with her. Her job is sadly quiet these days. Owen’s gone and Hannah is her only companion upon the grounds. 

One night, on that first week, she gets home in one of her moods. Little things seem to be so much more irritating about her job. Things that she thought would sort themselves out. Normally on nights like this, she’d order a pizza and let Mikey stay up and watch TV while she takes a hot shower. Except, Dani is now part of the picture and Jamie just wants some time away. She doesn’t know how to exactly say it without seeming a little pushy. Because Dani’s antsy as well that day, something Jamie doesn’t pick up until after their fight. 

She’s not expecting her entire living room to be changed into a football field, the table pushed next to the couch and Dani is playing the game with him. 

Any other night this would have made her smile. Her lips even twitch at the want of it. 

Everything would be alright, except she’s gotten a call from his teacher at the manor. They call there half the time because it’s where she works and practically lived this past spring and summer. So, she knows that Mikey had gotten in trouble for trying to look over at his classmate’s work. 

And Mikey  _ knows _ that she’s disappointed with him. She told him as much when she had talked to him on the phone. The punishment was a simple paper he has to write about how cheating isn’t the answer and why. 

So, seeing him playing with Dani after coming home from school makes her tingle with frustration. 

“Oi,” she barks out and Mikey turns quickly, staring at her with eyes saying “ _ I know better _ ”. “What the hell is going on in here?” 

Dani looks confused and she’ll explain it, just not now. Not when she needs to be having this discussion with Mikey. 

“It’s alright,” Dani says and Jamie continues to stare at Mikey. “He told me about today and I thought this would be a good way to get out some of his frustration.”

Jamie’s eyes move from Mikey to Dani. Something ugly like jealousy raises in her chest. “He has a paper to write.”

“He’s said, but--”

Jamie shakes her head, because this isn’t a decision for Dani to be making. Mikey’s  _ her _ kid. “I told him to write his paper when he got home.” She points towards his room and he scatters quickly. 

“Jamie, I just--”

“He’s my kid,” Jamie says perhaps too roughly. “I tell him what to do. If you just let him run around here playing football after getting in trouble at school, I can’t have that.” 

Dani’s flushed and the fight doesn’t end well. 

Because Jamie knows Dani means well, but there’s this ache inside of her that now Dani is spending all this extra time with Mikey alone, making decisions that have been Jamie’s alone for years now. 

She’s never had to share this part of Mikey. Never needed to be pushed on her parenting decisions. 

Decisions she realized once in her shower that Dani made good points against. Because Dani knew how to talk to kids like she didn’t. Dani has disciplined plenty of kids during her teaching career, something she pointed out. That she wasn’t going against Jamie’s parenting, just trying something different. 

Jamie knows she shouldn’t have fought over it. It seems so silly and unimportant when she gets into the bed beside Dani. 

“I’m sorry,” she says before they go to bed and Dani just nods her head. 

There’s not a lot of room for them to be upset with each other. The apartment is too small for it. Plus Mikey notices the shift in behavior from the two of them. 

The problem is, Jamie’s tried to talk to Dani. She has apologized for losing her temper and saying things that she hadn’t meant. Told her that she had been jealous and selfish over Mikey. Things that Dani nodded at, but never said a word. 

So, she goes to work in the morning without a single word from Dani. 

Hannah isn’t much of a help getting Dani to talk to her again. She suggests waiting it out, but she doesn’t understand Jamie  _ can’t _ . 

The silent treatment is something she’s endured before. 

Something that she’s had done to her as a kid. When her mom would go days without talking to her if she so much as said something out of line. Denny had been no better. All he said to her back then were hateful words. 

If Dani needed more time or doesn’t want to talk, she just has to tell Jamie. 

Jamie can handle hearing that information, she can’t handle being pushed out. It feels like someone’s hand is pressed against her throat as she remembers all the times when she wouldn’t hear from her mother or the days she’d spend in silence at foster homes who locked her into her bedroom. 

She remembers what Tamara told her on how to regulate her breathing and it helps remove the hand from her neck. Helps remind her that this is  _ Dani _ . Dani who doesn’t know this. Doesn’t know that even Mikey doesn’t do the silent treatment. 

She also remembers what Tamara told her about speaking the truth to herself. To put out boundaries and things she needed, not to bind them up inside herself. 

Mikey goes to bed around 8 and Jamie finds Dani in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes from the diner Jamie had attempted to make them. They’ve almost gone the entire day without talking. From the time Jamie left in the morning, their only contact was truly through talking to Mikey about his day. 

“Dani,” Jamie tries again, leaning against the counter near the sink. Dani’s eyes flicker over to her then back to washing the dishes. Jamie doesn’t think the dishes have ever been watched this thoroughly. “If you don’t want to talk, just tell me,” she asks. “Just don’t stop talking to me.”

That gets Dani’s attention off the dishes and on her. Jamie feels bare underneath Dani’s gaze. “Please.”

She expects for Dani to tell her she needs more time. That she hasn’t forgiven Jamie yet. But she doesn’t do that. Instead, she puts the dish to the drying rack and says, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m the idiot,” Jamie defends. It had been her fault that they fought. 

“I shouldn’t have thought I--”

“No,” Jamie interrupts her, reaching out and grabbing Dani’s hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong, honest. I’ve never had to share the responsibilities of being a mum before, I’m not very good at it.”

Dani shakes her head. “He’s your son.”

“That’s true, but he should listen to you. Half the time, he’d be better off only listening to you.”

Dani laughs for just a moment and it makes Jamie smile. 

“Poppins, I’ll do better. It’s not just me and him anymore.”

* * *

It takes about a week for Mikey to get his first letter from Flora. 

He grabs the letter as soon as she sees it and rushes off to his bedroom, shutting his door loudly behind him. “Hello, Mom would’ve been nice,” she mutters to herself, kicking off her shoes. 

“He’s been at that door waiting to see if a letter came for the past hour,” Dani explains as she crosses across the room to plant a kiss against Jamie’s mouth. “ _ Hello _ ,” she whispers as she cups Jamie’s face in her hand and kisses her again. 

“See, that’s a good greeting,” Jamie smiles against Dani’s hand, shifting forward so she can have another kiss before she gets her jacket off. 

Dani tells her about the teaching gig she’s found at Mikey’s school as a substitute teacher. Tells her about how the phone interview went well. Jamie knows that Dani’s not ready to go back to teaching full time, hasn’t wanted that for a while now. But this, this makes Dani happy and excited. 

“Well, we should celebrate then. Take one of those wine bottles out and order some food, anywhere you want.”

She goes to get Mikey, knocking on his door. “Muppet,” she says as she peaks inside. “You alright?”

She knows the question is wrong because he’s obviously not alright by the time she gets a good look at him. Tears are filling his eyes and there’s a few streaks down his cheeks. “What’s wrong?” she asks, moving quickly inside of his room and gathering him in her arms. 

“She’s  _ sad _ ,” Mikey finally gets out, in mid a heaping sob. “And I  _ miss _ her.” 

“Mikey,” Jamie says sadly as she squeezes her arms around him. “I know, love.” 

He continues to shake as his little heart breaks. “Why did,” hiccup, “why did she have to go?” 

She knows it’s a question that she can’t really answer to his satisfaction at the moment, because he knows she’s gone off to school. It doesn’t matter the reasoning, all that matters is the hurt. Even if neither of them had a choice in the matter. 

“What if, what if she goes and makes a new best friend?” he asks, his face is red and the curls fall into his eyes. 

Jamie doesn’t know how to answer. Because she’s never really had a best friend, not growing up, at least. Now, she has one. Someone that she shares everything with and is closer to than anyone else. 

“Could I?” Dani asks from the doorway and Jamie turns her head to face her, her hand still rubbing circles on Mikey’s back. She nods and Mikey sniffles against Jamie’s chest, the tears haven’t stopped coming. 

“You know, when I was your age, I had a best friend. One like you and Flora,” Dani starts, sinking onto her knees in front of Mikey and Jamie. Jamie stays quiet as Mikey turns and faces Dani, his hand coming to wipe off tears from his cheeks. 

“Really?” he asks, his voice cracking and breaking Jamie’s heart. 

“Really,” she assures, her hands pressed against her thighs. “His name was Eddie. I met him when I was Flora’s age.”

Mikey pushes away from Jamie slight, his focus on Dani alone. 

“Just like you and Flora, I’d spend all my time with him. After school, during breaks, everything we did together. After my dad died, I would spend all my time at their house. Because my mom really wasn’t around, so his family became mine.” 

Mikey is enthralled with her story, Jamie is too. They’re both staring down at this woman who has changed both of their lives in the best possible way. 

“And one summer, he went away for camp without me. The first letter I got from him, just like you, I cried a lot. Much more than you did,” she says with a smile and Mikey’s lip twitch. “He told me how much he missed me and how much fun he was having at camp. So, I begged my mom to send me to that camp as well. But, I couldn’t go. So all summer, I had this idea running in my head, that he’d come back and not want to be my friend anymore. Even though we had been writing letters back and forth, it just kept coming back up. And you know what happened?” Dani asks and Mikey shakes his head quickly. His flushed face is fading, his breathes are more even as he listens to Dani talking. 

“He came back and we were still best friends.”

“Really?”

“Really. We stayed best friends too. Even if one of us left for the summer or vacations.”

Mikey takes a moment to think and Jamie catches Dani’s gaze and mouths a “thank you”. Because Mikey isn’t crying anymore. 

“Are you still best friends?” Mikey asks, using his sweater to wipe at his nose. “Is he in America waiting for you to go back?”

Dani flinches, slight enough that Mikey doesn’t notice it, but Jamie does. And with that confirmation, she knows that this was her ex-fiance. 

“No,” she says softly, leaning back against her heels. “He died.”

Mikey’s no stranger to the idea of death. He knows what death is and knows people who have died. So his little “oh,” is heartbreaking in so many different ways. He quickly looks at her as if she will know what to say. She can’t think of anything, words feel sticky in her mouth.

“You can be  _ my _ best friend,” he offers and Dani smiles. “And mum’s! Tell her!” Mikey asks quickly. 

“Think she’s already mine,” she says for the first time with a smile. Dani brings her gaze to Jamie’s, almost as in disbelief. 

“Well, she can be  _ ours _ ,” Mikey finalizes before he launches forward and hugs Dani. Dani has tears welling up in her own eyes as she hugs him back. “I love you,” he says as he hangs onto her. 

The declaration of love is something that brings up Jamie’s heart to her throat, but it’s overshadowed by the meaning of what he said before. 

Ours.

Ours. 

_ Ours. _

* * *

They decide on Chinese, a compromise between both Mikey and Dani. Dani was kind enough to share her congrats dinner with Mikey’s choice. They even chose to eat off paper plates, leaving no dishes behind after a night that had already been too draining. 

Mikey went to bed early, all the crying did that to a kid. He was nearly passed out when Jamie lifted him in her arms from the couch to move him to bed. 

Once he’s tucked in, she makes her way back to the couch where Dani is waiting for her. “He’s passed out, don’t think we’ll hear from him til morning.”

“Did you mean it?” Dani asks after a moment of silence. Jamie turns on the couch, her attention gone from the TV in front of them. 

“Mean what?”

“That I was your best friend?” 

Jamie’s heart beats a little faster as she stares at Dani, who is earnestly looking at her. “Yeah.”

Dani looks like she might cry again as she reaches out and embraces Jamie tightly. 

“Dani,” she says softly as she lets her arms wrap around Dani’s middle, tugging her closer so Dani isn’t left on her knees. “What’s wrong, love?”

Dani doesn’t say anything at first, but Jamie can feel her shirt dampen with tears. She doesn’t ask again, because she doesn’t want Dani to feel like she has to lie to her. Instead, she rubs circles on Dani’s back, bringing up a hand to cup at the back of Dani’s neck, keeping it still as she’s pressed into Jamie’s neck. 

Moments pass and all she can hear is the ragged breath of the woman in her arms. She doesn’t speak again, taking the moments to give any comfort she can to Dani. 

“I’m a mess,” Dani whispers and Jamie can feel the warm breathe against her neck. “I’ve haven’t--I haven’t talked about  _ him _ in so, so long.”

Jamie sighs as she keeps Dani in her arms, this time bringing her hand to pull back some of Dani’s hair from her face. “Do you want to?” 

Dani doesn’t respond at first, but her breathing has become more steady against Jamie’s chest. By the time she nods, she’s pulling away. Her face is flushed and her cheeks are wet with tear stains. “Baby,” Jamie mutters as she brings her hands up and wipes away at her cheeks, letting them linger for a moment longer at her jaw. 

“He wasn’t a bad guy,” Dani defends him quickly. 

“Don’t think you’d be with a bad guy,” Jamie responds in a quiet voice, wanting to let Dani speak over her if necessary. 

“I just-- we were best friends for so long. And when we grew up, it was just… expected? I guess. We went to prom together. He was my first for almost everything,” she says, she’s not staring directly at Jamie anymore, instead her gaze is down by their combined hands. Hands that she keeps still for Dani to grab onto. “And when he proposed, I just thought… maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just wrong and my feelings would change.”

Jamie nods, because she knows this much about Dani. Knows that she doesn’t like men, knows that she’s only been with him before. 

“But, it didn’t. I didn’t feel anything I should have. But I loved him… I did. I loved him  _ so much _ .”

“I know,” Jamie says, reassuring her. “Course you did.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” Dani’s eyes have welled up with tears again as she shoots a quick glimpse up at Jamie. Her bottom lip wobbles before she says anything more. “But I couldn’t-- I couldn’t live like that, Jamie.” 

Jamie gets it. She understands clearly what Dani is saying. Living as someone else will bring only suffering and pain. She has been so careful with Mikey and the families at school before Dani. She hadn’t wanted to bring any additional burden upon Mikey. Not just having a single mum, but a queer one at it. 

But that wasn’t a way to live. So she has gotten softer as time has gone on. She has to live with herself, first and most importantly. 

“I told him. I told him that I didn’t, I  _ couldn’t _ marry him. And then, he was so upset. He didn’t understand that I didn’t, I couldn’t feel like he did. That I was ruining his life,” Dani’s voice cracks and Jamie feels anger at the man who had obviously hurt the woman she cared so deeply for. “And then… I haven’t… He just got out of the car. He just got out of the car and a truck… A truck hit him. Right there.”

“Jesus, Dani,” Jamie says because she knows it was the same day, but didn’t know that it was the same  _ moment _ . 

“I couldn’t… I wasn’t brave enough to tell his family.”

“No, no,” Jamie interrupts, her fingers moving to lift Dani’s chin so their gazes can meet. “Not about being brave. You can be brave without coming out.”

Dani nods slightly before bringing her hand up to grab at Jamie’s. “So they-- they just think we were going to get married. And that I was this kind of  _ widow _ . So I had to leave. Leave everything that was  _ him _ . Because it wasn’t mine. None of it.”

“So you came to Bly,” Jamie fills in the gaps, knowing now that Dani’s trauma with her ex-fiancé runs deeper than she had thought.

Dani nods. “And I’m so, so much happier,” she says with a hint of a smile, before frowning again. “But it was  _ my _ fault he died. If I hadn’t--” Jamie cuts her off, squeezing her hands hard.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jamie says with as much conviction she can. Dani looks up and stares at her, her eyes still filled with tears. “You’re carrying around this guilt, I can see it. But, you don’t get to decide who lives and who doesn’t, I’m sorry, Dani, but you don’t.”

Dani takes a deep breath and Jamie brings up their combined hands to press a long kiss against Dani’s hands. Jamie lets Dani make the next move, she’ll sit on the couch for the entire night if that’s what Dani needs. But Dani tugs on Jamie’s arms and pulls them back into an embrace. An embrace that isn’t choked full of grief and guilt, but of tenderness and  _ love _ . Dani’s head presses against Jamie’s own and Jamie tingles all the way down to her toes. 

“You’re my best friend, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i could not, i repeat, could not bring myself to put the strap-on scene I've written into this chapter, so this chapter got split up !
> 
> comments give me life and i thank each one of you for yours last time. i've really started to enjoy finishing this again <3


	10. tis the damn season

The days turn to weeks and the weeks to months. 

It’s almost two months exactly when Mikey comes home enthusiastic over Halloween this year. 

This Halloween is his first without Flora or Miles, but he’s made fast friends again at the school. Since football is harder and harder now that the ground is freezing, he has more time to just enjoy his friendship groups outside of school. Jamie won’t lie and say that it doesn’t ping her heart about Flora or Miles when she sees Mikey with his new friends, but from what Hannah’s said, they’re doing great at the new school. Both lucky enough to go to one campus together instead of apart. 

She drabbles a note for Dani a morning before taking Mikey to school. Dani’s been doing tutoring late these days, so she leaves a brew out for her each morning and a note. They aren’t love notes, but a note none the less. 

“ _ Halloween costume. Xx.” _

The message is received because by the time she’s home, both Mikey and Dani are discussing the best costume for Mikey this year. Last year he had gone as a ghost, because she hadn’t been able to afford a fancy costume for him.

Dani happens to be the reason that this year she  _ can _ . 

It was two weeks before that she had gotten a phone call from Henry telling her that she  _ was _ getting a raise and the missed bonuses would come through within the next week. She hadn’t asked him what his change of heart was from, too excited at the idea of finally spoiling her boy, but when she came home to tell Dani, she knew what had gotten into him. Her face was flushed when she told her about the raise and bonus, but there was a knowing smile on her face. 

“What you up to?” She asked, leaning against the counter near where Dani was sitting. 

“Nothing,” Dani said, but Jamie knew better. 

“I’m guessing either you or Hannah had a part in this decision, hmm?”

Dani stood and crossed the distance between the two of them, pulling Jamie against her in a hug. “I  _ may _ have talked to him,” she said softly. “Only I used a voice that I told off parents with.”

Jamie smiled against Dani’s shoulder. “Reckon you could use that voice on me?” She whispered out and she could feel Dani shutter against her body. 

The moment had been thoroughly ruined by Mikey rushing out of his bedroom with a groan and a “Mum!” like she had embarrassed him. 

So yes, this year she could afford a costume for him and she was excited to be able to get him something he really wanted. 

Him and Dani decide on Luke Skywalker over going as Darth Vader. Both citing that the good guy should  _ always  _ win. 

* * *

Mikey spends his first night away from home or the manor on a Saturday night. Jamie’s more anxious than he is. His only sleepovers have been Flora and Miles, this time it’s with an Ethan that he has had over a few times before. She’s met his mum a few times over the past few years in primary school. 

He’s more than ready for her to drop him off once the clock turns to 3. She takes him and he spares her no look as he runs to their door. She sends a wave to his mum as she opens the door and Mikey rushes inside. She makes sure to let her know that Mikey can call her whenever, doesn’t matter the time. Any time he wants to come home, Jamie is hell bent on getting him home. She knows what it’s like to not be able to make that call and it’s something Mikey will never have to deal with. 

“It’s quiet without him around,” Dani notes after they’ve eaten the leftover pasta from the night before. Neither of them are the best cooks, but they make do and make sure to eat everything they have left over. 

Both of them miss him. But there are benefits from Mikey sleeping over at his friends. 

Reasons she remembers as she tugs Dani towards her to pull her into a kiss. “We can fill the quiet,” she mumbles as she brings Dani flush against her. 

They’ve gotten used to doing this quietly, so it takes a little bit for them to completely feel comfortable making out in the middle of the dining room. For as much as Jaime has the idea in her head, it’s Dani who pushes her against the wall and kisses her like her life depends on it. 

They make their way slowly to the bedroom. Jamie kicks the door shut for good measure as Dani has already pulled off her jumper and is pulling Jamie’s off. “Wait,” she says after her pants are off and Dani’s half on the bed. She sinks into a sit, staring up at Jamie, her hair messy and her lips swollen. “I thought, we could try something.” 

It peaks Dani’s interest and she sits upright. She doesn’t respond, so Jamie goes to the closet where she keeps it hidden and pulls out the strap on and brings it to the bed and hands it to Dani. Dani’s eyes are wide as she takes it in her hand, her eyes going up and down alternating between Jamie and it. 

“It won’t--Will it hurt?” Dani asks, her hands are nervously tracing the strap on. 

“No,” Jamie reassures, “If it hurts, we stop.”

“I just--I have never  _ liked _ that, you know, before.” 

Jamie sits on the bed, already down to her underwear, but she takes it gently out of Dani’s hands. 

“Then we don’t have to do it at all,” she says, pushing it away from where they are sitting. “Promise.”

“No,” Dani responds, her face is flushed. “We can try. I… I want to try.” 

Jamie knows for sure she isn’t going to try with Dani like this. Tense before she’s even touched her. Jamie has pushed it behind her, so that she can slide on the bed to kiss Dani again. Dani hums into her mouth as she runs her tongue against her lip. She can practically feel Dani’s tension dripping away from her as she palms DAni through her bra. She reaches around her back to unclasp her bra. 

Jamie wants to know that this is one of the best parts of her night. Even if they don’t get to the strap on, it’s the way she draws a hand down Dani’s thigh and lifts it to get Dani laying on her back. She brings her own shoulders together to push off her bra when Dani unclaps hers. “Just relax,” she mouths against Dani’s cheek as she kisses down to her throat. 

At her collarbone, she sucks at Dani’s skin, her hands keep Dani’s hips from moving, keeps her where Jamie can move her hands on her perfect skin. 

She loses time as she gets to Dani’s breasts. Palming one as she sucks a nipple into her mouth, grazing it with her teeth before moving to the opposite one, Dani’s hips are arching against her hands which are still pressed against them. 

It may be days before she kisses down her stomach, riveting in the chills that have encompassed Dani’s skin. 

“ _ Jamie _ ,” Dani whimpers out as she presses wet kisses to her inner thighs, even nibbling on one. She moves her hands from restricting Dani’s movements to one linking underneath Dani’s thigh and the other reaching up, waiting for Dani to take her hand. She knows that Dani likes the connection between the two of them as she puts her mouth on Dani. 

Dani’s fingers are tight against her as she licks and prods with her tongue, keeping all her movements slow and deliberate. 

She knows she spends at least ten minutes eating her out because Dani’s pants of  _ more _ and  _ please _ have become increasingly prevalent. Because each time she can feel Dani’s thigh tremble, she pulls back slightly, letting Dani moan out in frustration. She knows she’s gotten Dani close enough to the edge that she lingers for only a moment longer tasting her, before she untangles herself from her love to move back up Dani’s trembling body. Dani looks almost confused on why she stopped, but she watches as Jamie pulls on the strap on, kicking off her underwear before getting comfortable back in something she hadn’t tried in years. Dani’s pupils are blown out in desire as she watches her. “Alright?” she checks in and Dani nods quickly, her mouth open as she takes in air in pants that drive Jamie mad. “Words, love.”

“Yes,” Dani says with her nods and Jamie kisses her again. Kisses her as her fingers rush down her stomach to rub against her, letting Dani relax further into the bed. She grabs the lube that she set aside on the night table and gives it a good lubrication, even though Dani’s already soaked. No, there will never be any hurt again with this with her. 

Dani licks her lips as Jamie moves between her legs again. “Say no if you don’t like it,” Jamie repeats as she positions herself so she can slowly enter Dani. 

Jamie thinks she can orgasm from this sight alone, watching as Dani’s eyes shut and how she lets out a quiet “oh” as Jamie takes her time bringing their hips together. 

To be honest, she doesn’t notice anything else while she watches as Dani keeps her eyes closed and moans as Jamie presses into her a bit quicker. She watches for any signs of discomfort or signs of Dani needing to stop, but soon Dani’s hands are against her back, clutching at her with loud moans of  _ more _ . Jamie can feel a layer of sweat on her brow as she moves her hips in and out, giving Dani everything she wants. 

This night feels different, like she’s seeing another part of Dani she’s never seen before. Because Dani has opened herself up again to her, gone through something that she may have thought was traumatic before and sees the better in it now. 

Dani cries out when Jamie brings her hand down and rubs against her clit, trying to time it right with her thrusts, but at this point, she’s just as close as Dani is. It only takes a few more thrusts and Dani’s nails are digging into her lower back and she comes from the sight of her alone. She drops forward, landing her head against Dani’s neck as their hot bodies press against each other. Jamie needs a moment before she slips out of Dani(!) and out of the harness, tossing it onto the floor before tucking her head back in Dani’s neck, needing the comfort that comes from Dani’s arms wrapped around her in a hot embrace as they both get their breath back. 

“I didn’t--I thought…” Dani trails off, her fingers are gentle on Jamie’s back now, drawing patterns as they rest against one another. “It didn’t hurt.”

“Told you,” Jamie presses a kiss against Dani’s neck where she can reach, knowing that if she licks her lips she would taste the salt from her sweat. “Shouldn’t hurt.” 

They lay in a comfortable silence as Jamie feels as Dani’s heart beat slows. She thinks she may be asleep from the way her chest rises and falls. “Could…” the word is said so quietly that it almost doesn’t bring Jamie back from the tiredness that has overtaken her. “Could I wear it?” 

“Yes.”

Dani Clayton will be the end of her. 

* * *

“You know, Flora and Miles are going to London for the holidays,” Jamie tells Dani one night after Mikey’s been put to bed. A disappointed frown makes an appearance on Dani’s face. It’s been a real bummer for everyone. Mikey was upset when he got the letter, but he hides it better. She had gotten the news from Hannah, who was also sad about it. It was the first time ever that the children hadn’t been back for the holidays. Now Bly would stay as quiet as it could, waiting for summer to come and the halls to be filled with laughter once again. 

Dani’s on top of the counter, sitting with her feet kicking slightly in the air while Jamie does the dishes. 

“So I was thinking,” she starts and Dani scoots towards where Jamie is by the sink. There’s a look of “ _ oh no _ ” on her face and Jamie wants it to go away, so she wipes her hands off with a towel and moves to stand where she can link her hands with Dani’s.

“You’ll laugh,” she says, shaking her head, a feeling of embarrassment rises in her chest, but it’s Dani’s hands that squeeze to reassure her. “But I’ve always wanted to go to Vermont since seeing White Christmas. So I thought-- we’ve got the money, after the bonus and it might give the kid a good reason to be excited for Christmas. But I know you, you may not want to travel,” she tries to give Dani an excuse to say no. They have the income to spend on a trip, but it’s a long flight and it brings Dani closer to what she had been trying to run away from. Even though since their talk about Eddie, Dani seems lighter when she talks about her childhood and her life before Bly. Before it seemed like there was a hold upon her, something Jamie can relate to, because there’s things in her past that feel so personal and scary that she rather not think about it. 

“Why would I laugh at that?” Dani asks, tilting her head to the side slightly. 

“It’s silly,” Jamie responds, but Dani tugs her hands so Jamie stands between her legs, close enough for her hands to disconnect from Dani’s and rest on her thighs. 

Dani’s eyes drop from looking at Jamie’s eyes downwards. Perhaps the idea of Christmas will go out the window with Dani looking at her like  _ this _ . But she looks back up, like she’s remembered what Jamie was saying. “It’s not like you want to go to Iowa.”

To be honest, Jamie couldn’t point Iowa out on a map. She knew where things like New York and California were, but Iowa, where the fuck was that? “Do you want to?” she asks because even with her dream of a white Christmas in Vermont can be adjusted if Dani would rather go back to her hometown. 

“No.”

“What about Vermont then?” 

Dani thinks it over for a second, or at least that’s what Jamie thinks she’s doing, but her gaze is still dipped on her face. “It sounds nice.”

“Really?” 

“Really.”

Jamie smiles wide and Dani matches it. There’s planning to be done about their trip, but all Jamie can do is press against Dani and kiss her. 

Kiss her because how lucky she was that she had Dani Clayton in her life. In  _ their _ lives. 

Over the past two and half months, Dani had become a fixture in their home. Dani had become home just as much as Mikey was. 

If she was honest, she had become an important fixture in their lives from the time she met her at the manor. She thinks of that as she runs her tongue across Dani’s bottom lip. Maybe one day she’ll tell her. Tell her that she just knew in that moment that she was going to become a large part of their lives. 

Dani’s hand is pressed against her cheek and the other grips at her jumper at her back. What was meant to be a celebration kiss becomes more intense as she remembers all the feelings of love that rise in her throat when Dani is around. Dani doesn’t seem to mind as she pushes away her hair behind her shoulder so she can kiss her there as well. 

“Mikey could come out of his bedroom,” Dani says as Jamie traces along her neck with kisses. She knows she’s right and Mikey could walk out into the kitchen, but it’s not like they’re fucking on the counter. 

“Worth it to scar him a little,” she mumbles against Dani’s neck and she can feel the vibration from the giggles that come from Dani.

“ _ Jamie _ ,” Dani repeats, her hand moves up from where it sits on Jamie’s back to push against her sternum. She sighs as she takes a step back from the warm embrace, but she keeps her hands on Dani’s thighs, wanting the warmth that only comes from her. 

* * *

Jamie learned very quickly that flying was not something she ever wanted to do again. Mikey thought it was awesome, having grabbed the window seat. Going somewhere for Christmas had been fun for him. It helped get his mind off of Flora and Miles and their usual traditions. Plus, he got to get a passport and he thought that made him a  _ very  _ important person. 

She spent the flight, sick to her stomach, clutching at Dani’s hand. 

Poor Dani had to deal with her sickness and Mikey’s chatter for the entire long flight, but she didn’t seem to mind one bit.

America was different than what she expected. For some reason, she thought of the country in terms of London and the busy streets. Where they ended up in Vermont, it was quiet and peaceful. 

A beautiful place for them to spend their vacation. She hadn’t realized how much snow they would get. The first night they ended up snowed into the hotel they were staying at. That night they dined on anything they could get from the vending machine outside their room. 

“Do I have to?” Mikey whines one night after spending time sledding out of town. He’s overtired, she knows, but Dani pushes on. 

“Yes, we’re all going to bed,” Dani says, hanging up the jackets they had just tossed on the floor. 

Mikey looks at her, as if she’s going to go against what Dani has said. “Listen to your--,” she stops herself quickly, clearing her throat before she continues. “Listen to Dani, bed time.”

Dani hasn’t spared another look in her direction, maybe not noticing that she had almost called her  _ mom _ . 

_ Mom _ . 

She never thought she’d find anyone that she would be fine sharing the title with. Never thought she’d share Mikey like she shares him now with Dani. Her heart is in her throat as she takes a few moments to ground herself. Because this is uncharted territory that they all must cross together, not just in Jamie’s mind alone. It’s ultimately up to Mikey and Dani. Jamie already has her heart on the line and trusts Dani like she’s never trusted anyone before.

“Alright, Santa comes in the night, so we have to all be asleep by then.”

Mikey falls asleep before the two of them. Jamie’s reading a book she’s picked up from the airport and Dani is pressed against her side. 

There has never been a better Christmas. 

* * *

Jamie’s known a snowy winter, but this time, there was  _ snow _ falling on Christmas morning.

Nobody else was awake as Jamie poured herself some hot water to make her tea. She couldn’t help but smile to herself. Snow made this holiday wonderful, she thinks as she smiles to herself. She wonders who the first one up would be, hoping that it would be Dani. Give them a little quiet before Mikey was up and looking for the presents they had put together last night. 

Dani had been the one to do the wrapping, taking them away from Jamie’s hands as soon as she even attempted to cut out a square. She wasn’t complaining though, because the presents look more presentable than ever before. She wonders if Mikey will notice the change. 

They had told him that his presents were going to come from Santa in America, but they had more for him back home. That had excited him, getting to celebrate  _ two _ Christmases was even more wonderful. 

She makes her way back into bed with no movement from Dani’s side of the bed. She can hear Mikey’s light snores on the bed next to them. The only sign that Dani is waking up is that she rolled over and reached her arm out putting it on Jamie’s blanket covered lap. “Morning,” Jamie whispers as she takes another sip. All she gets is a groan as a reply and she smiles into her tea. “It’s snowing.” 

Moments pass and Jamie thinks that Dani has fallen back asleep. 

“Really?” The voice that asks is still heavy with sleep. 

“I was thinking that before the gremlin is up, we could go down to that coffee spot that’s open.”

“That’s rather romantic.”

She hums as she takes a sip. “Well, hurry up then, Poppins, don’t want to leave the kid alone for too long.” 

On the trip, Mikey’s been alone in the hotel room a few times, just long enough for them to grab something and he knows the rules

“I told you to wear a hat,” Jamie chastises as Dani’s hair is quickly dusted with snow. “Here, take mine. Looks better on you anyways.” 

Dani dusts off her head quickly before putting the hat securely on her head. Now here she is, with a stolen hat from her girlfriend on her own head. 

It was almost 8 in the morning but the town felt empty. The roads were empty, the plows hadn’t even made their way through town. They walk close together, not afraid of someone seeing them linking arms in the street. This town has given Jamie the strangest feeling. Even though they had just been here a few days, she felt like she had always known it. The stores were small and personal, but it was larger than Bly by a few thousand. 

Even with the extra people they say, she feels more comfortable here than she does in Bly. Even the coffee shop they frequent doesn’t make an awful brew, something that she had worried about when first coming over here. 

An idea has formed in her heart before it comes to her head. A plan for her future, for Mikey’s future, for Dani’s future. 

For the future of all of them together. Somewhere that wasn’t logged down with memories of those gone or a cramped two bedroom apartment on top of a pub. 

“I was right, this is romantic,” Dani says as she bumps her hip against Jamie’s, their arms still locked together to keep warmth between the two of them. 

Jamie hums her agreement as she turns to look at her love. Dani’s face is flushed from the cold, her nose a dark shade of pink. At the moment all she wants to do is kiss her, so she tugs them into an alleyway they pass. “What?” Dani asks and Jamie pushes into her, Dani’s back connecting with the brick behind them. She kisses her softly at first, just to feel the press of Dani’s lips against her own. 

She kisses her again for warmth as Dani’s hands rest on her hips. “We can’t…” Dani says softly, pulling away from Jamie and she knows she’s right. Even with the streets empty, they need to be more careful. Dani wasn’t ready for that, not outside of Bly. 

Jamie steps back, linking their arms back together as they come out of the alley. As they begin to walk again, Jamie says, “thank you.”

Dani turns in confusion but Jamie interrupts her before she can ask.

“For coming here, for being here.”

Dani smiles, a broad smile that she can’t try to hide if she wanted to. “You make it very hard not to kiss you,” she says. 

Jamie winks and gets a small laugh from Dani. She can feel it through the vibrations of Dani’s coat.

She feels confident with her next statement. Lulled into the security that comes from being together. 

“I have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're in endgame baby! i'm so excited for you all to get to see my favorite thing ever next chapter which is the last / epilogue of this. 
> 
> comments give me life <3 this was a better place for /that/ scene that last chapter. <3


	11. never found one like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia comes up after they decide who goes to talk to Mikey

They end up moving to Vermont within a year. Mikey took some time making his decision. Jamie wasn’t willing to move if he wasn’t and Dani agreed. Jamie had gone so long in her life having no ability to decide things, she wouldn’t do that to Mikey. 

It had been two months since their trip and since they discussed moving that Mikey had come out of his bedroom with a “yes”. 

Vermont was very different from Bly. They moved in the summer, as to not impact his school term. By the time they left, he was a bundle of nerves. Excited but nervous about making new friends. Jamie’s hope that he’d make friends came true. 

The first few weeks in Vermont were spent without Dani. 

A hole inside their chests ached for the absent of her. 

Even Mikey was a bit more cranky than usual. One night, while she was laying in their new bed in their new apartment, Mikey had crawled into bed with her and told her that he missed Dani. Her heart ached and all she could say was that she did as well. 

Dani went back to Iowa when they first arrived back, needing to finish selling her house and dealing with some other personal things. Jamie offered to go with her, but Dani had been so convinced that it would be so short, it would be better for her and Mikey to spend the time settled into their new apartment. 

Their new apartment was above what they moved to Vermont to open: her own floral shop. Something that she had only dreamed about aloud with Dani a few times. But as soon as she suggested it, Dani had been fully onboard. 

The first week had dragged into the second and by the third, even with calls from Dani, Jamie’s nerves were raw. She hadn’t been away from the other woman since she met her, knowing she was off dealing with something while she started _their_ life together felt too strange and her heart ached for her other half to return to her. 

Mikey’s ecstatic the day that Dani arrives back in Vermont. She’s brought items from her house that she hadn’t sold or given away. Their apartment is empty without her. 

He’s also the first one that gets to hug Dani when he rushes to answer the door. She goes to her knees to hug him back and Jamie thinks her heart couldn’t feel more love for the two of them as she does in that moment. 

“I’m sorry I was gone so long,” Dani apologizes to Mikey and to her, looking up as she speaks. Mikey’s quick to dismiss it, he’s just so happy she’s here with them. 

Mikey finally lets go for long enough that Jamie finally gets to hug Dani. Dani comes slowly to her, almost looking like she’s waiting to be told off for taking so long, but Jamie doesn’t mind. All Jamie can think is she’s finally here. “I missed you,” she says softly enough that Mikey can’t hear it. 

Their reunion is cut short by Mikey’s tug of Dani’s arm away from her. Jamie manages to get a quick kiss before Dani’s completely pulled away. 

“Mom,” he whines at her. How dare she take time away from him and Dani? “She hasn’t even seen the apartment yet!”

Dani looks back to her before she is tugged around the apartment looking at Mikey’s new room and their new bedroom. She gets the grand tour and Mikey doesn’t slow down once while showing her around. Jamie lingers in the background before going to prepare dinner. 

It takes almost thirty minutes for Mikey to let Dani go, telling her all about the shop downstairs and the new friends he’s already made on the street. 

Their night consists of Mikey talking away at Dani, while she holds Jamie’s hand on the table. They’ll have time to talk together later, but now, it feels so good to be with her family once again. 

Even though Jamie’s nights of putting Mikey to bed have gotten shorter and shorter recently, he practically begs Dani to put him to bed. Maybe it should hurt her heart that he’d rather have Dani there tonight, but it doesn’t. Because she understands, she wants Dani there too. Wants Dani there for everything and seeing her son want the same thing, well, they’re similar indeed. 

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Mikey tells her as Jamie stays in the doorframe. Jamie can see Dani’s smile in the dim room. 

_Home_. 

The three of them together. 

_Home_. 

* * *

The floral shop takes a few months to get into a rhythm. It’s a new experience for the both of them. Jamie had told Dani she’d be alright if Dani wanted to go back to teaching, but Dani hadn’t wanted that.

Dani works the floor more often than she does. Taking customer orders and upselling are talents that Jamie is glad Dani has. Dani makes their customers feel warm and welcomed in their place they’ve etched out for themselves. 

Jamie’s a little rough at the start, not having to work so closely to people in ages, but she gets there. Soon enough, Dani’s behind the counter and Jamie’s the one that people go to for the arrangements and flowers they’re looking for. 

Mikey spends the summer with them in the shop as well. His letters with Flora have continued, she’s sick with missing him and Mikey misses her, more than he’d admit Jamie thinks. But he’s also excited here. He loves the neighborhood and all the kids around them have been more than willing to have him around and hang out with them. 

On one of the first months they’re open, Mikey picks up the phone before she can get to it.

“Hello! This is Mikey,” he says excitedly before remembering to add, “at the Leafling!” 

He looks confused at the caller and Jamie wonders if his thick accent is giving them pause. “Let me give you to my mum.” He hands the phone off to Jamie and goes back outside where a game of football has started in the alleyway. 

“Off with you, brat,” Jamie says before addressing the person on the other end of the phone. “The Leafling.” 

She should be better about this, but she’s still learning on the best approaches. People are so much harder than plants. 

“Is Danielle there?” the voice on the other end of the phone asks and Jamie’s eyebrows knit together. _Danielle_ feels odd on her tongue. 

“Do you mean Dani?” Jamie asks and Dani’s head turns from behind the counter. 

“No, Danielle,” the caller is impatient and Jamie has half a mind to hang up on her just based on her tone. “Danielle Clayton, I need to speak with her.” 

Jamie doesn’t know why she doesn’t want to give the phone to Dani, who’s reached over with her hand out to take the phone. She doesn’t move until Dani says “here” and she on autopilot hands her the phone. 

“The Leafling,” Dani’s voice is bright, but her face goes sour after. She grabs the phone and heads to the backend of the shop. Jamie thinks of going to the back to help her deal with whatever is happening on the phone, but Dani is curled away from the door and her, whispering into the phone at this stranger that doesn’t feel like one. 

Even with her best attempts to not listen into the conversation, she hears a few things that make her hands freeze in the potting soil. 

“ _Mom_ , I told you this already.”

“No, I told you not to call here.”

“You can’t just-- no, you can’t just come here.”

Jamie wonders if she should get back there and take the phone away from Dani and just tell her mother to go fuck herself, but she keeps her anger simmering. She knows that doing so isn’t a good look. It’s best for Dani to fight her own battles and call Jamie in when she needs her. 

“I have a _life_ here.” 

Even though Jamie’s heart aches at the strained relationship between Dani and her mother, her heart aches in the best possible way in hearing Dani say those words. 

“No, this isn’t---”

“I told you”

Finally it concludes with a stern, “no, I have a _kid_ here. Don’t you get it?” 

The words on the other end of the phone are loudly muffled, but when she turns around Dani is red in the face and her hand is clenched hard around the phone. “No, don’t call here again, ever again. Goodbye.”

Jamie lets Dani cool off before she makes her way to the back of the shop where Dani is. Her face is still flushed and her hands twist with each other as she takes deep breaths in and out. 

“I won’t ask if you’re alright, Poppins,” Jamie says, “But can I do anything to help?” 

Dani looks at her and her eyes are red and puffed and Jamie hurts knowing that she has been crying back here. She should have come back sooner. Sooner so that Dani didn’t need to be alone in this hurt. Even if she couldn’t relate about her mother calling, she could still be there for Dani. She didn’t know how she’d react if her mother ever called her or called about Mikey. It just seems so unlikely she can’t even imagine. 

“She thinks I’m making a terrible mistake,” Dani whispers out, just so Jamie can barely hear her. “That I’m _sick_.”

Jamie closes the gap between the two of them and pulls Dani into a hug that both of them need. She’s dealt with words like that before, dealt with people who believe her life is something to be disgusted of. 

If only they all knew the truth of how _beautiful_ their life was because of each other, maybe that would change their minds. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Dani nods against her neck before letting out a puff of air and separating them once again. 

“Don’t think Mikey will mind not having another relative to worry about,” Jamie teases, checking over her shoulder to see if the kid had come back inside. Luckily he hasn’t and doesn’t have to deal with the emotions that come with watching someone you love crying. 

Dani looks back to her suddenly, her eyes wide. “Oh, I said… He’s _your_ son,” Dani quickly reassures but Jamie shakes her head.

“Dani, it’s alright,” Jamie says, her hand grabbing Dani’s. “Don’t think you could get rid of Mikey as your kid if you wanted to. We’re too attached.”

* * *

The months turn into a year, then two and by the time Mikey is 12 they’ve been settled into their new life in Vermont for long enough that _this_ has become who they are. The version of themselves at Bly seem like a distant memory. Instead their lives are filled with work and laughter and love. 

Jamie feels even more in love with Dani than she had during that first summer. 

Dani fills in the other parent role that she hadn’t realized Mikey was missing. 

She stays up to help him with his homework. After the first teacher-parent conference, Jamie has relinquished that duty to Dani. Dani knows what it means when a teacher uses words that go over Jamie’s head. Plus, she knows Dani enjoys just going back to school, even if in a parental role. Jamie asks if she wants to go back to teaching, the shop is running well enough they could get a worker to fill in the gaps that Dani would leave behind. 

Dani kisses her and tells her that she’s the happiest she’s ever been working at the leafling. 

They move through life together as a family. 

He’s been so young, that Jamie has almost forgotten what it felt like being an almost teenager. Having one now makes her feel old and she misses the nighttime snuggles he used to give her. These days he’s more involved with friends outside of school and video games when he’s home. 

Dani spends the most time with him. He’s struggling with his math class and she stays up late into the night helping him. Dani’s grown into being a mom, gaining the confidence after the first year of being able to tell Mikey what to do and not always ask permission from Jamie to ask things from him. Mikey never calls her mom directly. But he says “my moms” and talks to Flora about having to ask his moms something. Before he grew older, he’d whine out “ _moms_ ” when they did something to embarrass him around the house. She asked Dani years ago if it bothered her that he had never called her mom, but she hadn’t minded. Being Dani was who she was to him and she loved him the very same amount he loved her. 

They live in a pretty safe town for them, living somewhere more liberal than Bly. She almost forgets that he has a different family life than other kids in his classes, until she doesn’t. 

It’s later than usual for him to get home from school. Dani reassures her that he’s fine and just probably hanging out with some friends. Jamie nods, because she’s right. Sometimes he comes home later and later, just another ache that happens with your kid growing up.

When he finally gets home, he storms off to his room without even a hello, leaving his backpack by the door. 

“You or me?” Jamie asks Dani once he’s slammed his door shut. It’s unlike Mikey to be so aggressive when he gets home. 

Both of them decide on Jamie being the first one to go in to try and talk to him. 

She knocks on the door before going in. Mikey’s on the bed with his fists clenched. Jamie closes the door behind them. 

“You going to fill me in on that?” She asks going to his desk in the corner of the room and pull out the chair so she can sit in front of him. 

“It’s nothing,” he huffs out, but his fists are still clenched and it’s obviously not nothing. His voice doesn’t have the strong northern accent anymore. It’s still there, but softer than it was when he first came to America. Her accent has gotten softer as well, but nowhere to the extent of Mikey’s. 

“I don’t like being lied to.” 

Mikey glances up to look at her for the first time and his eyes are red. Her eyebrows knit together as a sense of dread fills her.

“Tell me.”

He takes in an unsteady breath before finally looking back up to her. “These kids at school, they’re older than me and… They were just being a bunch of bullies.”

Jamie knows there’s more to the story than Mikey is telling her, because they’ve dealt with bullies before and Mikey always had his group of friends to help him out and protect him. “Kid, whatever they said, you can tell me.”

“No,” Mikey shakes his head. “Not this.”

Jamie reaches forward, putting her hand on his knee. “You can tell me _anything_.” 

Mikey sniffles breaking eye contact with her. “They called you a _dyke_ ,” he whispers out with a crack in his voice. “They said that my moms were fucking dykes and… and they weren’t nice about it.” 

Jamie huffs herself as she tries to get her heart rate back down. She’s not immune to the words, but they’ve been used about her so many times now that she’s made a blockade in her heart and head about them. It’s obvious that the words have a harder effect on Mikey as he lets out a small cry. 

Jamie moves quickly and sits next to him in the bed and wraps her arms around him. He quickly hugs her back, tighter than he has in a while. She rubs his back as she feels the shudders of him crying against her chest. He’s almost the same height of her now, growing each day. While she’s been noticing all the signs of him growing up, she had forgotten that he was still the sensitive kid she got when he was 4. He’s still the same Mikey who needs his mom to comfort him and reassure him. 

“I’m sorry,” Jamie says against his shoulder as she clutches at the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Mikey says back to her as he finally pulls away. “I should have-- I shouldn’t have let them say those things about you and Dani.” He wipes away tears that have fallen from his cheeks. 

“Look, I know you didn’t ask to not have a dad, but--”

“No,” Mikey cut her off, shaking his head quickly. “You and Dani are better than having a dad. I’d rather have the two of you over a dad any day.” 

Jamie smiles gently, but her heart still hurts for the young man before her. “Mikey.”

“I mean it,” he says strongly, with conviction in his voice.

Jamie nods her head, her heart aches for another reason. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me,” she tells him as she ruffles his hair, the air in the room gets lighter. 

“Do I… do we have to tell Dani?” he asks softly, looking towards the shut door. Bless him and his protective heart. 

“I think we do, she’s worried. I can tell her if you want,” she offers. Dani doesn’t have the same barrier in her heart that Jamie has developed. The words had been taunted at her since she was a kid herself. Even had fucking Denny adding onto the torment. Since they moved to Vermont, it was easier to find a community that accepted them than Jamie had thought. For the first time, Dani got to have her own community of people who loved her and Jamie, even with them loving each other. She had that first experience back in London and it had been some of the greatest times in her life. Being accepted by peers was not something she took lightly. Mikey had gotten to know some of the other kids that also had moms or dads and had become friends with them, joining a club that not too many were part of. 

Mikey considers it for a minute, his hands now back grabbing at his duvet. “I don’t want her to be upset.” 

In the end, Jamie watches as Mikey talks to Dani in the living room. He still whispers out the words they said, not wanting them to penetrate the room as loudly as she’s sure they were yelled at him. A strong urge almost overwhelmed her when she saw Dani’s breath get caught in her throat and her body tense. She wanted to cross the distance between the two of them as soon as Dani’s gaze came over Mikey’s shoulder to her eyes. 

Jamie knows she should be surprised it only happened this late, but she knows that Mikey has probably heard things about her from the start of school. Having a single mom was still shite back in Bly. It had been hard enough for the kid to have to get past that initial point of teasing. 

She keeps herself in the kitchen, putting together a salad for their dinner and watches as their kid hugs Dani tight on the couch. She can hear him apologize and Dani’s pulled back to him and she hears the reassurances that he has nothing to be sorry about. 

Later that night, Jamie knows they’ll talk about it more. But right now, this moment is for Mikey and Dani to venture through together. 

(They do talk later that night. A talk that has both in tears at the thought of their son dealing with that, but never once was there a discussion of not being together, that was impossible.)

* * *

The two of them in the weeks afterwards are planning something, she knows that for sure. They spend more time talking together and quickly change the conversations as soon as she’s near enough. 

Jamie knows them well enough that she doesn’t worry about what they’re saying. 

Neither of them would ever do anything like that to hurt her. 

She knows Mikey is excited with the look in his face while they talk. 

Jamie racks her brain trying to figure out what is happening between the two of them. 

It’s spring and their business is booming with wedding orders and their regular customers that are just looking for a bouquet. Everything comes to life in spring and it’s Jamie’s favorite time of the year. The ideas of what her family is doing drift away from her head. 

She comes home one night with aches in her fingers and ready to just call it an early night. 

Instead, she finds dinner already on the stove and Mikey on the couch. She’s only surprised with the latter because the telly isn’t on, he’s just sitting on the couch, almost as if he’s waiting for something. “Where’s Dani?” she asks as she slips off her shoes and hangs up her jacket. 

“I’m here!” she hears from in the bedroom and she smiles to herself. 

“What’d you get Dani to make you?” she teases as she walks to the kitchen that spills open into the living room. She can see Mikey on the couch as she looks into the pots to see what exactly Dani and Mikey have been up to. She’s tired, but the sight of Dani wakes her up. 

Dani walks into the kitchen. Even though it’s only been an hour or so since she saw her last, Dani looks anxious over something. She goes to comment about what happened before she gets distracted by the saddest looking plant that’s sitting on her counter. “What happened there then?” she asks, looking from Dani to Mikey who gives her a shrug with a smile on his face. Little bugger was up to something, she knew that for sure. 

“Saw it on the street, wanted to save it.” 

Jamie smiles because it’s such a Dani thing to do. The finder of broken and lonely things. She had found them just the same. 

“Lemme look then,” she says as she traces over the plant before going into the dirt. Roots are the best place to start when looking at a plant like this. She thinks she can fix it and she digs out the roots even through her knuckles aching in the process. 

“Dani…” she says slowly, the notion of Mikey being just in the other room drifts from her mind. 

“Here’s a thing,” Dani says, like she’s practiced the speech she’s about to give. “You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I want to spend whatever is left of my life with you and Mikey.” Jamie’s heart is in her throat as she listens to Dani. “And I know we can’t technically get married, but I also don’t really care. We can wear the rings and we’ll know. And that’s enough for me, if it’s enough for me.”

“I reckon that’s enough for me,” Jamie says, tears in her eyes as they walk the foot distance between them. Dani’s eyes are so eager and vulnerable that Jamie has to kiss her. “I love you.” She promises as she has Dani’s head between her hands. She has to kiss her once, then twice and on the third time, Mikey starts clapping and Jamie turns to look at him with the largest grin on his face. “Is this what the two of you have been brewing up?” she asks, but her voice breaks in the middle with happiness and the tears that she quickly brushes away from her cheeks. 

Mikey rushes over to them now and gives them both a hug that reminds her of when he was just 7. 

Happiness is this, Jamie thinks back. 

There’s no other happiness but this with her family. 

(When she has sex with Dani that night, it’s tender and feels like it’s their first time again.) 

* * *

Flora and Miles come for a summer trip when Mikey turns 16. 

He’s a full blown teenager, but he still acts like a kid when he sees his friends for the first time in years. Miles and him hug as soon as they see each other, but it’s different around Flora. Jamie can see the nerves in his hands as he goes to hug her. 

Flora who is more beautiful than Jamie imagined her to be. And she knows that Mikey has noticed as well. 

Their letters have become more private over the years, Mikey barely shares what the two of them tell each other. At thirteen they started having more phone calls as well. 

Dani notices the way they look at each other too. Henry paid for them to have a room at the nice hotel a few blocks away from the shop. Hannah and Owen have visited before, both staying for a week before they went back to Paris. 

They had a plan to go to Paris in a few years to visit, maybe have the honeymoon they never had. By that time, Mikey would be fine to be alone in the apartment. She trusts the kid more than anyone had ever trusted her at that age. 

This time, their apartment is full of stories and laughs that don’t always include them. The open door policy is still in effect. Jamie knows how teenagers are and after finding Mikey kissing a girl on his bed, the policy had started in the household. 

Poor kid was embarrassed as it was, having your mum walk in on you made for quite the story. Now that he was turning 15, she knew they’d need more of a talk than what she had given him. 

Because he wouldn’t grow up in a family that didn’t talk about stuff like that. She makes a note to do that sooner rather than later with the way Flora’s hand lingers in his and rests on his knee when they talk together. Dani notices that too, but for her, it seems to be something else. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks once the two kids have gone back to the hotel and Mikey is finally in his room for the night. He’s grown out of them tucking him in, but he still always says goodnight and will mumble out “I love you” back at them. 

“It’s probably nothing,” Dani says, walking round to her side of the bed before climbing in under the covers. 

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Jamie comments as she finishes taking off her earrings, keep her eyes on Dani. “It’s a lot to have three teenagers in this apartment.”

“No,” Dani smiles, but still picks at the blanket. “It’s just--- seeing Mikey and Flora brings up some memories.”

“Of him?” she asks, keeping her voice light and easy. They have talked more about Dani’s childhood and how she grew up into an adult as an extension of someone else. “They’ve been separated for years, Dani. He’s grown up here, without her. Don’t reckon that he thinks it’s something he has to do.”

“I _know_ , I just..”

“Worry?” Jamie asks with a smile as she turns off the light and makes her way to bed. “It’s almost like you’re a mum,” she teases and Dani huffs out a laugh. 

“I know, I just don’t want our kid thinking he has to do anything.” 

Jamie sits on the bed and grabs Dani’s hand in her own. “Dani, honest, don’t think Mikey does anything he doesn’t want to do, bloody hell it’s hard enough getting him to help his poor ol’ mum getting those bags of dirt each week.”

“You’re not old,” Dani says, squeezing her hand. 

“My grey hairs would differ,” Jamie says, but there isn’t any malice in her words. Her hair has started to have a few grey strands, even though she’s only thirty three, they’ve become more noticeable with time. Even Dani who’s two years older has no sight of aging in her future. She looks the same as she did 7 years ago when they first met. 

Dani hums as she lets her thumb trace over Jamie’s knuckles. 

“Could talk to him about it more,” Jamie offers. “Think it’d do good for him to know why you’ve got these feelings.” 

Dani nods, sliding down into the bed. Jamie takes off her hair tie, leaving it on the nightstand before slipping into bed next to Dani. Jamie tucks herself close to Dani, their legs interlocking as they find a comfortable spot with them touching. “I know he’s not like Eddie,” Dani reasons, shifting so that Jamie can feel her breath on her chest. “I just don’t want him to feel like I did either.”

“We don’t expect him to do anything, love,” Jamie reassures, reaching up and pushing off a long strand of hair from Dani’s cheek. “But talk to him about it, I can be there if you want.” She offers but she knows Dani doesn’t need her there to hold her hand. Dani’s as much as his mom as she is. There’s no doubt in anyone’s head of that fact, she no longer needs Jamie around to feel the confidence to do things. 

Dani nods before leaning into Jamie and pressing a soft kiss against her lips. 

(When they talk about it the next morning, Mikey gives Dani a hug and promises her that he’d tell her if either one of them didn’t want to be together.

They also talk about how much Mikey likes Flora and how much he’s missed her.

It’ll be another two years before they can be together again and the feelings have only grown. 

Another two years and Flora moves to Vermont. 

Two more years pass before they tell them both they’re engaged. And Dani completely believes him and feels no more anxiety rise in her chest over it. )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i think we're done now, just an epilogue left. i already miss them :( would there be any interest in a dani version of this or just some one-shots based on prompts or my feelings? lol. i might have to write more even if no one wants to read it. 
> 
> there's still one thing i'm working out in my head about how to end this. i have most of the epilogue written, just can't decide if they'd want another kid or not. i forgot how young they still are, lol. having a kid at sixteen means different than having a kid later. 
> 
> anyways, please let me know what you thought <3 comments keep me writing and inspired and make my entire day, seriously.


	12. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the day when his mums finally get married. 

Today is the day, he thinks when he wakes up. Flora is pressed next to him in bed and he doesn’t dare move to disturb her. 

Today is the day when his mums finally get married. 

Mikey remembers when him and Flora got married like it was just yesterday and not 7 years ago. 

7 years, geez he thinks as he finally slips out of bed away from Flora. This latest pregnancy has been hitting her harder than the previous. He’ll wake up Grant in an hour to let them all get ready for the day together. 

He thinks and drinks a brew as the TV drones in the background of the kitchen. He’s more nervous about today than he was during his own wedding. It’s funny but true. Today his mums get married and it's exciting and nerve-wrecking thinking about his speech at the wedding. It’s something he’s been wanting to say for a while, but he’s never fully put it into words yet. He hopes they feel the same way as he speaks, because he just wants them to be happy. 

“Brew?” he hears Flora’s voice coming from the hallway. 

He gets up and pulls a mug down and pours the tea out into her cup. 

“This is why I love you,” she says softly as she joins him leaning against the counter. His eyes drift downwards, landing on the growing bump on her stomach that contains his  _ daughter _ . 

“Mum’s always happy to know that.” 

“Are you nervous?”

“No.”

Flora laughs and presses against him. “It’ll be nice,” she reassures. Their backyard will be transformed to provide the small ceremony. Some of their friends are coming, along with Owen and Hannah. Miles sends his best wishes, but he’s tied up at work. They both miss him dearly when he’s in London. “They’ll love the speech.”

He hums, but he’s not entirely sure. 

“They’ll love it,” she tells him again, grabbing his hand and pulling it up to rest on her cheek. “I promise.” 

He sighs and leans to press a kiss against her mouth. 

With Flora by his side, how could anything possibly go wrong?

* * *

The wedding was, of course, a good day. 

Mum and Dani already had their wedding certificate, getting it the day that same-sex marriage was legal in 2009. This was more of a celebration than the actual ceremony. It was small and intimate, just the way they had planned. 

Mikey remembers when they first got their civil union in 2000. Mum and him had stood outside in the rain for four hours waiting to get into the building. He hadn’t the heart to let her go alone with Dani spending the day at the shop. 

It was years since they first exchanged rings between the two of them. Mikey remembers planning it all with Dani, making sure it was perfect so that it would be a surprise. He remembers them both crying and him crying himself. 

His memories before Dani are limited. She’s been a part of his life for the majority of it now. More memories between the three of them than when it had been him and Mum. 

Flora had tried to convince Mum to not make the arrangements, saying that it was  _ her _ day to be celebrated, not to work. It hadn’t worked out in the end, Mum made the arrangements and Dani and Flora planned the rest of the day. 

Grant spends the majority of the ceremony in Delphine’s arms. Grant eagerly eats up all of the attention he can get from his aunt. 

Del hadn’t been alive when their mums had first exchanged rings. She was young, only a few months old when they got their civil license. She had stayed with Dani when they went to get the license, but was a big part of the celebration, getting sick the same night. 

Mikey couldn’t believe that gaining a sister when he was nearly twenty would have granted him one of the best gifts of his life. 

He could remember how much attention he got at ten with their mums, so it didn’t surprise him that they had the same enthusiasm in raising a second child after he was already out of the house. Mum had him so young, only sixteen when he had been born. 

This time, Dani got to be around for all the firsts. First time Del walked or talked, they both were there. 

One night when he was sixteen, he remembers hearing a conversation between Dani and Mum. He was listening against the door as he heard Dani crying. She had talked about missing so much with Mikey and Mum reassured her that she hadn’t missed the most important stuff, the stuff that he would remember. 

It was true. Dani was as vivid part of his life as his Mum was. 

She had been there through thick and thin. Good and bad. No matter how much he pushed, she never left. After the first few years together, Mikey knew she’d never leave. 

Never again was it just him and Mum. 

* * *

Mikey is the only one to make a speech. He feels the nerves wreck up inside of him before Flora nudges him to stand up and take the stand. He makes his way to the dance floor of their backyard where the speakers and microphone is. Anyone else who wanted a speech had long ago told his mums what they were feeling. They had been together long enough that for most, there isn’t a need to speak of all the time together. 

Mikey had wanted to. He had asked Mum in private, away from Dani. Letting her know that he wanted to speak, wanted to be part of their day. Mum had reassured him that Dani wouldn’t mind. 

He glances over towards Flora for a supportive nod as she holds Grant’s tired body against her. How blessed with the Taylors that they found women who loved them so dearly. 

“Since I could remember, it was always me and my mum,” Mikey starts, his hand is steady on his glass of champagne. He remembers the time between the two of them so vividly, more than he remembers anytime without her, although he knows there were years apart. The two of them live in that tiny apartment outside London, trying to get custody of him, fighting with the courts until it happens. Then off to Bly where the rest of their days before Dani entered their lives. 

“Lucky, I don’t remember anything else, because it was the best way to grow up. I had all her attention and thrived under it, no matter how hard I tested her patience, she stayed.” There’s laughter around them and Mikey is smiling as well, but he knows better. Mum would never have left him. She always kept her promises. “Stayed when she hadn’t needed to, chose to be my mum.

“I was 9 when I first met Dani,” he glances and stares at Dani. Dani, who looks perfect and is smiling that smile that makes him relax, no matter when she gives it to him. 

“It’s not all the time you’re grateful to have a single mum growing up, for not having a dad. But, I am. I’m grateful I didn’t have anyone else because that means mum and I got Dani. 

Dani who was there for all my scraped knees and bad grades. Who stayed up late in the night helping me graduate with honors. And she never asked for anything in return. 

I’ve never called her mom. Maybe I was too scared at first, but she was always just Dani. But in truth, that’s what she is,” his eyes go back to his mums, watching as Dani is tearing up and Mum looks at him like he’s finally all grown up. 

“She’s my Mom as much as Mum is. 

So, I’m glad I had a single mum growing up. Glad that we waited until Dani entered into our lives. 

Mum,  _ Mom _ , you two are perfect together and I love you.”

He’s barely finished with his speech when Dani has gathered up her dress and made her way over to him, enwrapping him in the biggest hug she can, leaning up to grab at him.

“I love you,” she says against his blazer and he smiles. 

“I love you too, Mom.” 

Dani pulls back to stare at him, getting used to hearing him say it. 

Because it feels so good to finally say it. 

No longer does Del have to feel confused on why he still calls her Dani. 

No, she’d forever be Mom now. 

Mum joins them after a moment and hugs him just as tightly. 

Soon enough, Flora is on the floor with Grant and Del is making her way to him, smiling widely. 

Mikey didn’t know what he did to deserve his family, but he did know one thing. 

His mums were the reason it had all happened. 

The rest of the night is spent in celebration, dancing goes on late into the night. Grant falls asleep with Del in the spare bedroom. Flora holds onto him all night and his mums have the wedding he always wanted for them. 

God, how lucky was he. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's all folks!! i hope you enjoyed it and i thank everyone who has taken the time to write a comment or leave a kudo. I don't know if I'll be back writing anything else, maybe some oneshots based on this AU, but this feels like a good ending for now. 
> 
> comments about how you liked it or hated it, please tell me. i look forward to hearing anything you have to say! :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! <3 this would not leave my head. this is a lot of build up to all the fun moments i have for them to have in this. comments give me life.


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